If you go into it with the right spirit, everything is a bath bomb.

The internet is full of people pretending to believe or say shit to trigger people who are pretending to be mad about shit and it’s exhausting.

Today I saw ICE gas little white kids in the streets of Portland with chemical weapons. Imagine what they're doing to brown and black kids in the detention camps

Learning from something called the Epstein files that I left Reddit at precisely the right time.

he always had trouble with anti-virus measures

The coolest Congresswoman there’s ever been.

How is January six weeks long?!

Watching the democrats operate under this administration is like the escape scene in Shawshank where Tim Robbins crawls through a mile-long pipe of shit, except in this case somehow he ends up back in the jail

Between me and the democratic governor who DOESN’T think ICE should be abolished, who would you say is enabling fascism more

Today’s Starfleet Academy episode was what I was worried about. What is with this goofy ass iMovie looking color grading on the flashbacks? Bad acting all over. Using the Kirk Spock theme to try and compensate for badly-done scenes. Refusing to pull the camera back at all times. Ugh.

I've recently experienced the hedonic treadmill with True Lime™ powdered lime. It started with one packed added to my drink. Now I'm buying shaker bottles so I can put like 5-6 packets worth in there. I've blown out my tastebuds. Sourpatch kids taste like honey to me.

What makes Gavin Newsom such a skilled politician is that he stands up to Trump’s bullying with piping hot memes AND is able to agree with Trump about policy www.sacbee.com

So is everyone else’s workplaces seemingly being run by chatGPT?

Absolutely incredible sequence from CNN. "Maduro was a paranoid lunatic always lying about the CIA trying to overthrow him. Anyways, now that the CIA has overthrown him..."

These gotta be the stupidest motherfuckers in the history of earth.

Get in babe, we’re relitigating false narratives about 2016 that blame leftists and normies instead of the actual Nazis.

Truly this is the first Star Trek directed by Quinton Tarantino.

The term “Amusement Park” is so pretentious—stop acting like you never had fun on a swing set.

Iduno, feels kind of demeaning they invented a type of coin to award the intellectually challenged.

The Sierra Online games I played as a kid lead me to believe I’d be finding a lot more stuff in tree hollows.

My top five fans 1. Joey Buttafuoco 2. Redman 3. The Blue Wiggle 4. That guy from Band of Brothers 5. Amy Sherald

Never would have that I’d someday find that Joey Buttafuoco is my biggest fan but here we are.

Watching the Golden Globes with these announcers is like watching it along with the least interesting people you know just saying the most banal shit.

Not that I know much if anything about her, but everything I’ve ever learned about Tate McRae I have learned against my will.

My birthstone is monosodium glutamate

Listen, I love @dropout.tv and am a paying subscriber, but I’m not nerdy enough to know who half these people are and they act like they’re famous. So many instances of “well, as you know” that are things I had no idea about lol.

I am plagued by the affections of big booty boy-moms. Ma’am: I have nothing to offer you. You really wanna’ be with a guy who talks about The Silmarillion? You really wanna’ watch archaeology YouTube with me?

If elected, I will outlaw the shortening of sitcom theme songs in the later seasons.

“Italian Wedding” sounds less like a soup and more like a sex act.

Trying to guess when I’m high is a fool’s errand because I’m always like this.

“Online” has stolen everything from me. My friends used to call me on the telephone to ask for help in “Kings Quest V: Absence Makes the Heart Go Yonder!” Or, see if I wanted to come over and dig a hole. Now my friends send me DM’s on social networks I left years ago asking about bitcoins.

This is actually good and I enjoy this happening and it should happen more.

Every time somebody tells me, “you should do standup” I reply: “Oh, so I’m not good enough for sitdown?!” And that usually shuts them right up.

Going through a breakup right before Cyber Monday is the worst. Who am I supposed to cyber with?

The Apple Music mariachi Christmas playlist is load bearing to my mental health this time of year.

God is a Turkish ice cream man and I’m the customer.

LAFC failing to score against a nine-man team really exemplifies the teams problems the whole season: we just lack finishing lethality. Set pieces are rarely threatening. Sonny almost drug us across the finish line by sheer force of will, but alas.

Superman: kyrptonite. Dracula: garlic. Will Stancil: this graph.

Starting a rumor about my enemies that they are booger brothers: they love to eat each-others boogers.

I'm not like other swaggy white boys---I enjoy hip hop in a very normal and not annoying way 💅

🏴‍☠️

If I were the devil, I would design hell so that people don't realize they've died, but everything you were looking forward to just get delayed and delayed to where everything good and decent seems indefinitely forestalled. New game? Sorry, release date pushed back. New high speed rail? Delayed.

The Chinese think in terms of centuries while American's think in terms of OMG DID YOU JUST SEE WHAT TRUMP SAID?!

Personal announcement: when you become a niche fashion influencer on instagram you start getting messages from people telling you about how actually AI is good because of their particular porn use-case, so I guess I'm saying fame is not worth it.

Nobody is praising me for the battle I'm waging against becoming corny as fuck due to finding the love of my life and I just need some acknowledgement.

The fuck I do

Thank you for your service: all the white women in my comments saying shit like “he understood the assignment”.

died as he lived (talking out the side of his neck)

Charlie Kirk spent his life profiting off of creating an environment that stokes fear and hatred

Love to get a text from your girlfriend that there's an active shooter situation on the campus she works at because Charlie Kirk decided to hold a nazi rally.