incredible morning of drinking coffee and staring directly at the wall

yelling out the window “you there boy, what day is it??” until someone responds “why it’s new paul thomas anderson day!”

listen, like any normal person i already experienced the rapture: when i was seven years old i hid inside a clothing rack at marshalls and then i lost my mom so they had to call her on the loudspeaker to come collect me

muttering “jesus fucking christ” to myself all day long as my eyeballs embrace some of the worst sentences and thoughts ever written, it’s incredibly healthy and obviously very good for me

One of the best ways to fight fascism is by feeding people.

get me to gods country (lowe’s)

Am I the asshole for absolutely hating literary awards season?” And other questions answered by @kristenarnett.bsky.social… buff.ly/69egFGg

short! list!!!!!!

you’ve still got (some, not much) time to sign up for this!!!!!! exclamation point!!!!!

you’ve still got (some, not much) time to sign up for this!!!!!! exclamation point!!!!!

very fun time in mississippi for the book festival! if there was a beer around i drank it

woman next to me at this airport bar eating completely dry white toast with a fork and knife

really proud to be part of this as florida’s rep leader for authors against book bans!

yearlong! generative! novel! writing! workshop! (i’ll be writing my fourth novel through this, come work with me) writer.org/event/novel-...

"How Are the Very Rich Feeling About New York’s Next Mayor?" A Dramatic Reading of The Recent New York Times Dispatch from the Hamptons. Presented by The Gilded Age's Morgan Spector.

Unbelievable opportunity here. If you're writing a novel and not applying to this, you're a FOOL.

yearlong! generative! novel! writing! workshop! (i’ll be writing my fourth novel through this, come work with me) writer.org/event/novel-...

on some honk shoo mimimi type shit

I cannot properly express how delighted I am by this post

we’re gonna rock down to a fine autumnal stew

if a cat is a tuxedo style i’m impressed, it’s like very nice…… classy, formal wear

Florida chapter leader @kristenarnett.bsky.social joined other authors, advocates, & parents to discuss the state's book bans. www.firstcoastnews.com/article/news...

sometimes when i’m drunk i get very excited talking about a movie or a show and then my wife will very calmly take out her phone and order something from that franchise for me and that is how you know you’re In Love™️

labor day beer? it’s more likely than you think

can’t spell plant without ant! yes that’s right i just came in the yard and found one chilling out in my hair

the horrors persist and so do my deadlines

you need to be out there jesusmaxxing. you need to get Our Lord pilled for our heavenly fathers fanbase

one of life’s greatest pleasures is posing weirdly in the background of a stranger’s group photo without them knowing because it means later on they’ll be looking at that picture and reminiscing over “that strange gremlin who looked like it bit directly into a lemon”

also the pic is by peter garritano and necessitated me balancing on a swinging sex bed suspended from the ceiling in an air-conditionless honeymoon suite while trying to kiss my reflection on the ceiling

i love moving my entire household!! I SAID I LOVE IT!!!!!!

ai will NEVER replace me giving myself anxiety because i didn’t complete a task until the last second and now i’m scrambling and panicking about how i’m going to possibly get it done!!!

Preorder WILL THERE EVER BE ANOTHER YOU by @tricialockwood.bksy.social to get one of the limited edition enamel pins, then sign up for our event with Tricia & @kristenarnett.bsky.social tombolobooks.com/preorders/wi...

Get the book, get the pin, meet @tricialockwood.bsky.social with @kristenarnett.bsky.social !

vrbo would be a beautiful name for a baby girl

Is it wrong to cheat on your literary novel with a secret (and fun) fantasy project? @kristenarnett.bsky.social answers this and other burning questions. lithub.com/am-i-the-ass...

asked my much younger wife who she would marry when i die and she said no one?? how am i supposed to haunt anyone if she doesn’t get remarried after my untimely death????

best of orlando in p much every way!

ITS CALLED THE BEST OF ORLANDO AND YES SHE IS

touch grass, sure, but that’s only one of the senses! maybe incorporate one of the other four into your work. how about you taste grass

being a tennis husband means i got asked to sweep the clay court after my wife’s tennis match today; they saddled me up with a very large brush and i felt like a beautiful dray horse

“did you get enough sleep” i got plenty of whatever the other thing is

Ending a contentious zoom meeting by riding my office chair into the duck pond

every little thing she does is panic

“margarita is electrolytes” - my wife

julius seltzer

it’s friday night and you know what that means! internet

“Am I the literary asshole for prioritizing my writing over the travails of my loved ones?” And other questions answered by @kristenarnett.bsky.social this week.

had a wild conversation just now where someone asked what i did for work and when i told them i wrote books they said “oh so you’re a CPA”

Hello! This fall I am working with the excellent folks at American Short Fiction as part of their MFA for all online program (alongside the wonderful Tommy Orange and Kevin Wilson). You can study with one or all of us or even 2/3rds. americanshortfiction.org/mfa-for-all/

someBODY once told me the pizza’s pepperoni