Monster trucks = micro-peens. 🤏🏻🍆 I don't make the rules. 🤷🏼‍♀️

that's why we have keys... my old boss drove a huge truck and was constantly bitching about his truck being keyed Once I saw how he parked, it was obvious, he'd take up as many spaces as he wanted

I like to leave a note that says "Sorry about your tiny dick"

The guy next door to me bought a lifted Dodge Ram, but it's too long for his driveway, to tall for his garage, and too long to fit in the parking spots out front of the house... so he has to park a block away at the community park. But it's everyone's else's fault that he can't park at his house. 🙄

Since we're always seeing her, absent husband or child....who the hell is she to say someone else is an absent parent? Karoline Leavitt’s Detained Relative Torches Her From ICE Custody Source: TheDailyBeast share.newsbreak.com/g85q88yh

Tom Cotton, a United States Senator from Arkansas, thinks George Bush is the president of the United States of America.

One of the many things that irritates me about monster-sized trucks is when they park right in front of a store and take up 2 spots. Even worse is when they park to take up 4 spots. Saw both today.

She claims her rightful place as the ruler of Dandyland. 😀

She is definitely preventing something. Deserves a prize, wouldn't you say? Notify FIFA at once.

Well, there it is. You are stuck until they decide you can move!🤣

She has such a pretty tail

Dandy was worried Spike wasn’t pulling his weight

I’d be scared😬

Look at that face! That is a master class in guilt tripping 😹

That expression is…something. I assume you’ve had the “Cat food and cat toys and cat beds and cat treats and cat trees require MONEY!” but like most cats, she does not understand why you can’t just win the lottery or at the very least, work from HOME. Poor baby!

Pure look of love. You’re her world, Matt.

Doing the enormous eyes, too. She is pulling out all the stops. She is an exemplary cat!

Kitty giving you puppy dog eyes 🥺 and with truly epic whiskers ❤️

Oh my goodness, the WHISKERS! 😻

This is the face of Day#1! She adores her daddy and wants to keep him close! 🐱 👀

"Where have you beeeen, Dad? How could you abandon us like that?" 🥺

I see people have already mentioned it, but this was my first thought too.

Is she actually balancing on her four paws on that bike tire? Now that’s good catting.

You immediately picked her up, right? RIGHT??? 🥹

Look at the sad face on that poor, abandoned, neglected babee! 😹

I would not be able to resist performing a scoop and smooch

oh my god, that look she’s giving you. You must have the strongest will possible to be able to go out again after seeing that even once.

Awww, her eyes are so big. Her expression is confusing. Maybe a combo of just woke up and thank goodness you made it home from the scary Outside. 🥰

Oh boy is she happy to see her daddy! 🥹🥹🥹

❤️ The difference between cats and dogs! lol 🐈🐕🐾💕

Dandy did a kitty wizard scan to make sure that her warding spells were still intact after Papa Ramsey braved the Outside. She decided that she'll strengthen the wards a bit during the day's snuggle sessions. 🧙‍♀️😻🐶💞

Matt, that’s not “gently admonishing”! That’s full out “it’s war dad!” 😂

My cat will do this when he wants to make sure he’s the first one to know when I’m up. But I love it because despite making my feet hot it’s so cozy.

Emmy does that when she gets between my feet/ankles/calves. I have to scrunch a piece of blanket between her and my skin or I'm soaked!

I bet they have strategy meetings when you’re at work. 😉

Oh my god, one of my cats (the biggest one) loves to sleep on my ankles and my feet already got hot as hell before he started doing that. I feel so bad making him move, but how is that comfortable??

My cats do that too. 😂 If it were one of my human friends or family I would definitely ask them to get their foot off of my foot. But cats and dogs, it's tolerable and sometimes pretty sweet.

*nods

That is so neat! Dandy has enlisted Spike to help her keep you where they want you. 😺 🐶 They are a real joy. 🥰

😂😂😂 they are so smart

Both kids have adopted the new “ankle lock technique” of keeping me from leaving. It’s super effective. Also my ankle is sweaty.

I had the phone ready when I got home this morning.

Update! Dandy has slid off to the side and is now lying on both my leg and Spike. Is this a double cross? Is she pinning both of us to the spot?

They’re double teaming the ankle lock again today. After I escaped Dandy’s one-legged effort yesterday, she has decided this is a whole body job today. Also Spike has taken a more active role today. Now laying his neck across my ankle.

I don’t know how you have the strength to leave with that face 🥹

She utterly adores you. That tiny kitten climbing your trouser leg knew exactly what she was doing.

Antonio Banderas will voice her. My Tony was named after him. He used to pull that face, I called him "Shrek cat" my son objected, hence Antonio - Tony.

Spike told Dandy about Puss 'n Boots in the Shrek movie. She used a spell so they could watch the movie while Papa is at work. Dandy has been practicing the look. Seems like she's got it nailed. 🧙‍♀️😸🐶💞

I just want to let Sean Duffy know that I didn’t dress up for my flight today. Yoga pants. Tank. Slippies. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

The more hallmark version of the "anti-hallmark" story is up on the patreon. It picks up as an alternate ending after part 5. www.patreon.com/posts/christ...