I went as a high school freshman to see Timecop & they carded me. So I cleverly got a ticket for “The Next Karate Kid” with Hilary Swank & went to Timecop. Like 10 minutes in, some guy comes and escorts me out of the theater. (C’mon man!) So I did indeed see “The Next Karate Kid” with Hilary Swank.

Can’t take my eyes off nonplused Melania here.

Close enough

Who can blame them? If it walks like a duck …

Bozos like this are lucky David Stearns even wanted to come to the Mets to fix this franchise and its faulty infrastructure.

I feel like Mets fans — all fans really, but perhaps more so here — get very attached to Our Guys even at the expense of having a good team. Like, I wouldn’t have brought any of those 3 guys back at their current ages and prices, but logic tends to go out the window when you get overly attached.

I’m good with it. It’s not like I donated to this person, and listen, Kid Rock has had his moments. #guiltypleasure

I think it’s very telling that the modern day Republican Party has rehabilitated and mainstreamed this antisemitic freak show.

JIMMY FALLON: [set and his suit looks like it’s from the 1970s for some reason] So you’re telling me the reason we are all sad is because of Volcano ghosts? That’s crazy. Haha. That’s nuts. Haha. L RON: [Grin like someone mashed chiclets into ground beef] That’s entirely correct Jim.

Really hammering home his affordability message.

Listen, there were times when it was like 4 am and I was at a loss that I might have resorted to turning to a robot for answers. But you’re at risk of it shorting out and advising you to bathe the baby in avocado oil or something.

I can’t pretend to know what the concussion protocol entails, but I feel there should be a common sense “abundance of caution” corollary. Like, when Tua was bludgeoned vs. the Bills in 2022 & staggered like a drunken sailor, he was somehow cleared. He then had a traumatic concussion 4 days later.

Obviously RFK Junior is horrendous for far bigger reasons than this. But feeding into this stigma for some craven reason (probably) is still lousy. Some women want to breast feed but can’t produce enough. Others can’t for lifestyle reasons. Still others simply don’t want to. And it all works out OK.

That’s too bad. Nancy Mace should absolutely take her ball and go home.

I just learned of the existence of this movie, but now I very much want to see it.

One day while walking in Santa Monica, I saw a couple women standing in front of a house chatting. The house had chain link fences protruding out of the top at weird angles. I asked if they kept birds there and they both yelled NO! and got really mad at me. Found out later it was Gehry's house. RIP

This is the way. I had a very similar night 21 years ago, except with Kid Rock’s Cowboy. (I know, I know, but I promise it was an epic performance. 🫡 )

It reminded me of this movie poster.

How do these bigots look themselves in the mirror? Just subhuman behavior.

It's remarkable they actually got Lauryn Hill to show up at all to this World Cup thing, much less on time. I like that this was the first line of her first song.

More than half think the 2020 election was "rigged!" MORE THAN HALF! I'm actually pretty surprised only a third think vaccines cause autism.

I think it’s bad that leaders of companies are visibly up to their gills in stimulants now. Did nobody tell them that, contrary to how they make you feel, those things make you stupid? This is why everyone needs some fuck up friends growing up, to teach them that there’s no good way to abuse drugs.

It really is. I still remember when I watched LeBron’s first nationally televised game, I was floored in particular by his passing and vision. Like, check this out. youtu.be/PyM98JQCN9c?...

I admit, I laughed like the Joker at this.

I don’t think this would work, but you’re on the right track. If I start a YouTube channel, they might just consume it.

Today in nominative determinaism: physican who (poorly) treated Pres. Garfield after he was shot was named Doctor Willard Bliss. Not Dr. Willard Bliss. Doctor Willard Bliss. So he was, in fact, Dr. Doctor Willard Bliss. Dr. Doctor. (he did not, as far as I know, have a bad case of loving you.)

These are just the worst people on earth. Basically subhuman level.

I’m only buying one if it comes with no seatbelts.

This is the entirety of his bio on the official Vandy roster

I present to you, Vin Scully's Swingline 3-hole puncher.

I own a championship belt awarded to my place of employment to celebrate their agreement to stream the first iteration of the WWE Network. When we switched offices, it didn’t seem like anyone wanted it so I asked if I could take it and lugged it home. It weighs like 80 pounds with the frame.

Yeah, no kidding. He’s going to order the watchdog to be blown up.

CNN gonna have a running "Chance of Coup" percentage in the bottom right corner of the screen.

Basically, they want everyone as a cog in one very big wheel, while the American Dream perishes.

objection! youtu.be/78SV9tguyVM?...

“that teenager I sugar daddied is a terrible writer!” excellent burn, sir

Are the Epstein Files in a truck or something?

We need an opposition party to take power and root out all these little monsters posthaste. I mean, look at this. We need this cretin making relatively important decisions for the CDC?

I did not know there were 5 of these. I didn’t even know there were 3, honestly. But based on this poster, I definitely want to watch this film.

Devin Williams is still nasty. I was like 85-90 percent sure the Mets would get him and I’m pleased with it.

Yeah. That’s exactly right. Make these guys vote on whatever you can, put them on record and then put them on blast.

THIS IS A GREAT DEAL. Tape rules, take advantage of this.

Load-bearing Huge Wak˜ ∏◊ı˜ Closet

Nick Fuentes should be all 10 nominees. Maybe save one spot for Tucker Carlson.

I envision scooping some up for pennies on the dollar and creating the world’s finest year-round haunted attractions.

I mean, something very similar worked for Michael Jordan, and his mantra made even less sense. (UNC won the title that year!)

Survivor Series ‘91 was one of my all time favorite wrestling events. My parents let me order it and invite a friend over as a reward for a good first report card in seventh grade — and I NEVER got to do stuff like that. I lived like a king that night, regardless of the mid quality of the PPV.

I hope this big fella, who stood up on a front row chair while double fisting drinks in order to get into the hard cam shot, is still kickin in the Detroit area and that he has enjoyed Dan Campbell's tenure as Lions head coach

Everyone should ask Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt on Monday who is responsible for this sort of messaging on the official channel for the Department of Homeland Security.

Legit, I thought Jessica Simpson was still with Nick Lachey. Shows what I know. She was married to this other guy for a decade!