What else can we do with these TOTALLY FINE ID cards? Report potholes? What else? I’m compiling a list so I can abuse the shit out of it and entirely overwhelm whichever sad sap is on the receiving end of my endless complaints.

I’m glad my dog doesn’t get a salary. I think she’d be so reckless and out of control with it.

Au contraire

Could be us but you’re not bald and rich enough

Addams Family Values is honestly fucking hilarious and also ageless?

Fanny Froth Spouse England, Hampshire, Parish Registers, 1538-1980

The crab hat stays ON

I love 121s w my boss because of my need for constant reassurance due to fear of failure that stems from my childhood M̷̛͍̭̫͎̯̦͑͐͊͒̈́̇̓̕o̸͍͔̱̜͖̲̮̻̲͌̍̃͝ͅt̶̜̼̥̅̈͋̌̕h̵̡̯̠̬̯͎͕͒̈́̿̎̐͝͝ȩ̴̠͉̜̰͍͖̀̏̑͜͜r̵̜͇̯̘̯͊͠ ̶̨̨̜͉̫̘̼͎̈̽̐͘͜͝͝h̶̢̭̻̘͆̎̊̀̂͆̌̿̾ä̶̽̍͗̾̃̚ͅv̷̳͌̚̕ẽ̴̘̥̮̱͉͚̙̳̋͆̉́̕̕͘͜͝͠ ̶͖͔̲̭͋͒̃͗̀͛Ị̷̜͍̗͙̀͒͋̄̑̎̄̄͘͝ ̵̧̢͖̦̳͙͉̯̙͛̊ͅd̴̡͚͖̱͛͊̾̽̕͠o̵̡̧̙̠̺̻̰̘͐̓̈̊̐̍́̀͜ṇ̸̫̥̺̗̉̍̐̔͋̕̕ȩ̵̬̮͖̰̯̗͎̰̾͆͌͂͝͠ͅ ̵̛̠̇̑̃̆̃͌̂̽w̸̘̤̯̾͆è̴̡͍̮̲̥͔̮̖̰̏̈́̽̄̀́̆̕͝l̷̟͙̤̣̘͙̝̏̓̿̏̐́͋͛̀͝ͅl̷̛̘̹͕̽͆͛̒̿̈͠

Why are BBC news giving so much coverage to Charlie fucking Kirk? He’s an American podcaster who got shot. This is not our circus, not our monkeys.

I am going on a mini break soon and there is a crab museum 7 minutes away and I’ll be going to have a look at the weird little freaks. 2 hours. Audio tour. Fridge magnet. Key ring. Really into it.

When my daughter was born 12 years ago we told friends and family that we didn’t want her posted on social media. They thought we were crazy. It’s staggering how naive people are about their digital footprint.

To my autumn girlies only. We are about to experience the biggest and brightest autumn ever so get your cameras ready. The leaves are going to be so so colourful. This isn’t just hope or whimsy; the mad warm summer has made trees produce more sugar which makes leaves more colourful.

RUSSIANS

PLEASE stop posting pictures of your kids online EVEN IF your account is private. I promise you it’s worse than you think it is- I have been working in the deep end of digital platforms and advertising for 13 years and seen them evolve and get more dangerous.

I would like to have a Quick Look into another timeline where Boris Johnson is still prime minister and what the holy hell that looks like

What’s the next stage of America then

On behalf of @jimmykimmel.com Thank you, Jimmy.

does anybody else feel like they are watching a mass psychosis

Do u remember in men in black where that guy put skin over his alien body

The first time AI has genuinely made me laugh

We are in Hell.

Worst sleep of my life and back to back calls just kill me off

“It’s just Kimmel I don’t even watch him. It’s just Colbert it was stale anyway. It’s just some people online who said something dumb losing their jobs now. It’s just…” This system relies on you having a short memory and light moral compass.

The toughest lesson a lot of people are now learning is that there are no good guys coming to the rescue and the age of indulged tolerance is truly over

We should have been working to disentangle ourselves from the U.S. from day one.

I think it’s so unfair that I’ve never groped anyone, never expelled anyone for being a different race, never said “grab em by the pussy” and I don’t get invited to a state dinner

<banqueting table, Windsor castle> Camilla: well we’ve never seen anyone use a fork to eat soup before

Part of his visit should be to Bamber Bridge where UK soldiers had big fisticuffs with US soldiers because the latter didn’t want to mix with black soldiers.

Trump is so narcissistic he doesn’t realise this is all a massive manipulation tactic

Oh they’ve huffed out the red arrows

A coming of age story about an out-of-control teenage son and his rich parents with a prescription pharmaceutical problem. Contains flashing lights.

Hahahahahhaaa fucking state of it all

A good day for a horse or two to turn chaotically rabid

Camilla been chugging diazepam since 10

Come on helicopter and terrible weather. Do that thing I like and tumble from the sky 👄

If it goes horribly wrong around the banqueting table can we legally have him detained by Mi6 or something?

that was the first night; now give him the old Razzle Dazzle (K*rk treatment)

Oh well done to the lads projecting Epstein pictures on Windsor castle. Hahahahahaaa absolutely stunning honestly I love this country so much. 10/10

I would rather give my eyes a thousand papercuts thanks for the offer tho 𝔡𝔢𝔣𝔲𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔅𝔅ℭ

The weather suddenly feels so oppressive, porridgey and orange

I’m sick of everything

Dog’s back on her ballshit

Gonna make a fuckinnnnnnnn boeuf bourguignon this weekend 🖕🏼

Video circulating of Trump saying “in Europe they call me the President of Europe”

Discovered this 4 hours ago and still laughing

I once said that I sometimes would love to have a baby but I have to find a guy first and this old old fat man replied “this is really nice. I’d be happy to help out; I’d love a baby too” I will never be desensitised to this memory. It makes me feel some kind of German word that we don’t have yet.

Nigel Farage: "Children who have two stable parents have a better chance in life... The most stable relationships, the ones that last the longest, tend to be between men & women... There's an awful lot of kids in the country not getting the kind of start... they deserve." Farage has two ex-wives.

6 years ago I posted this thread, the screenshots of which just came up on my memories and I think they deserve another outing.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early astronaut: moon's racist nasa employee: what? astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon's racist

I've written to Keir Starmer, Kemi Badenoch and Nigel Farage, urging them to join me in condemning Elon Musk's dangerous remarks inciting violence yesterday. As leaders, we must stand together and make clear Musk will face serious consequences for these actions.