Behold, a warm girl.

Little twerp

“Why do people from other countries hate us so much?”

Hey coarse thick haired girls, how are you doing this hot, humid night? Because mine has taken over my home and my finances

Got an acquaintance/friend I met in the park as our dogs are good pals and she is *hands down* the coolest girl I know. I was one of the first she told she was pregnant (planned) and immediately told me how much she missed vaping. She hadn’t even told her family yet. I felt a bit awkward/honoured?

I bought this block online which you place in a really hard to reach area of your home and basically your alarm doesn’t allow you to switch it off until you’ve found the block and scanned it. That’s how bad I am at getting out of bed.

Absolutely nailed the creamy prawn pasta today

Tell them you've signed the deal, it's open again

Anyone wanna get bladdered?

Okay I’m coming off the coffee again. I thought I could do it. I cannot. I can see into the future.

May your pickles be crunchy and your neighbors quiet.

Opening and closing the Strait of Hormuz like it’s a swinging saloon door

I wish with all my heart there was a version of the World Cup in which Graham Norton is the sole commentator. Like Eurovision.

SOCCER MOMMMMMMMMMM

Have been doing a paint by numbers in the evenings with a podcast on in the background this weeks. Very chilled, very restful. Highly recommend.

Sometimes something like this happens upon me to make me think I might be living in hell?

The World Cup has really upped the Europeans slagging the shit out of America online and the arguments are sensational. Americans outing themselves as being as dumb as a box of hair. The stereotypes run deep 🫶🏼🇪🇺

It’s so beautiful that the US keeps uniting other countries in the bullying of them. The pure vitriol I’ve seen from 10 nationalities bitching with each other about Hydration Breaks™️ is just the ticket. Nature is healing ❤️‍🩹

Got my magnetic nasal strips on and eyemask round my head. Talk to me like the dreamboat I am.

HYDRATION BREAK

Not sure if it was agreed in advance when he did this at the Club World Cup last year, but it was one of the most embarrassing sporting moments I think I have ever seen

I saw someone in the US crowd earlier holding a sign saying 'Vegemite Free Zone'. Just an absolutely embarrassing civilization

The USA chant is the worst thing that has ever happened in the world ever

Disgusting scenes. Also, did you know they have promised Trump he can “lift the trophy with the winning team” I cringed so hard my body turned inside out when I read that.

Oh my god even their chant of “U…S….A” is so jarring. Can they ever be anything but jarring?

The Aussie fans have already won the best chant contest 😂

Australia battles crocs on the daily surely they’ll win

Of course they got fucking helicopters for it. Absolute melts.

Come on you Aussie shitheads. DECIMATE THOSE YANKS.

The children are beginning to break up from their schools I see and hear

Help

How to I flytip legally?

Hey a little advice from your good pal Spag IF you are on 40mg of stimulants, do NOT down 3 cups of coffee before 10. There is A LOT going on.

Work’s given me a whole new project despite me having 2 weeks left

“Hey Claude draw me up a pathway to achieve £5000 a month disposable income”

Kids aren’t content.

That’s the Jules Rimet underway, then

In the bag

THEY’VE DONE IT AGAIN

Commentator just said England coach “only cares about the football“. Well, good. I’d be worried if he started moonlighting in baking or cricket or candle making mid-match. #worldcup #engcro

We’re so back

Hydration breaks are pussyole

“English fan shits on confederate flag. Death by gunfire”

Ladies who hover over toilet seats because they find them unhygienic are the actual reason toilet seats are unhygienic. Thanks for pissing everywhere you disgusting git.

Putting on a 1950s cocktail dress to stand in the sun to watch horses running is weirder than the annual cheese rolling event.

If King Charles gives us a bank holiday to party the day Donald Trump dies I’ll become a monarchist

I genuinely hope England fans do real England fan things in America tonight. I don’t want to see a single bus shelter unstood upon. I want to see bare chests, grinding jaws, wild eyes. I want to see arse flares. I want sheer, unfiltered ferality in the streets of Texas today.

Why isn’t the World Cup held in the country which won it previously like Eurovision?

Thanks for your comments. I’ll get a man in.

2026 parents sound like absolute idiots. “What do we do now our kids can’t watch YouTube?” I think it means you can’t play 4 hours of candy crush tbh. Active parenting. What a concept.