408/423 Edgware Road: District/Circle/Ham&City Line. Ooh this stations fun, there’s plants aplenty and it’s the first station I’ve been to where the board information is red rather than orange. SHUT UP IT’S INTERESTING! Larrik is fancy but more of a restaurant than a pub. Half cider £3.70 Rating 3/5

407/423 Bayswater: District/Circle Line. Back in The Bayswater Arms after having a half here when I did Queensway. It’s 10p more expensive!! I was only here in November! Also I can’t believe how busy it is at 11:30 in the morning. I nearly mistook it for a Wetherspoons. Half cider = £3.65 Rating 3/5

Pick up the nearest book. Turn to page 42, post the second sentence. “Tony tricked switcheroosky”.

Fucks sake, it appears I did miscount despite totting up the numbers about 15 times. It appears there are 423. I blame Bethnall Green which I counted twice as the two station exits are about a mile apart. Anyway let’s hope no one notices

406/422 Goodge Street: Northern Line. Dunno why but I get irrationally angry by tube stations with lifts. Just get some fucking escalators. Anyway The Fitzrovia is closed so I head to The Hope, a proper cosy pub that hasn’t changed since 1974. Apart from the prices. Half cider £3.80 Rating 4/5

405/422 Old Street: Northern Line. I’m by Old Street so it makes sense to quickly knock it off. Urgh 5:30pm Of course The Angel is fucking heaving. I’m best suited doing this at 11am. Just me, old men and the unemployed. That’s the way. Everyone else is having fun though. Half cider £3.60 Rating 3/5

404/422 St. James’s Park. District/Circle Line. A rarity - a zone 1 station I have never used before. More fool me cos The Old Star is buzzy as fuck. One review says “great staff, she came out with a funny quip but I can’t remember what it was”. Well thanks for that mate. Half cider £3.60 Rating 4/5

403/422 Sloane Square: District/Circle Line. I once had a really posh mate who lived around here. Then I got drunk at her engagement party, swore at her mum and haven’t seen her in 20 years. Sorry Kat! I sit in the snug of the Antelope debating sending a belated apology. Half cider £3.55 Rating 4/5

402/422 Hyde Park Corner: Piccadilly Line. Avoid the bars of all the la-di-dah hotels and head to The Rose & Crown. Loads of Americans moaning about the weather and getting overexcited about fish and chips. This is about the 19th pub to say they sell the best in London. Half cider = £3.65 Rating 3/5

401/422 Euston: Northern/Jubilee/Lioness Line. I avoid the main concourse and find myself in The Doric Arch named after the famous Euston arch demolished in 1961. It’s full of people drinking to forget that their train has been cancelled. Half cider £3.65 Rating 2/5 LIONESS LINE COMPLETE!!!

400/422 Warren Street: Northern/Victoria Line. The trouble with starting at the outer reaches of the map and working my way in is that zone 1 is boring. I miss the days of desperately trying to find a shit pub in Barking Riverside. Anyway Prince of Wales Feathers is ok. Half cider £3.65 Rating 3/5

399/422 Regents Park: Bakerloo Line. Ha I wanted to do The Albany when I did Great Portland Street but annoyingly there was a closer one. Here now! I came here years ago and saw 90s comedian Rob Newman singing Rainbow connection on the ukulele. What an evening. Half cider = £3.60 Rating 5/5

The Birdcage Pub. Birdcage Walk now (80 Columbia Road, Bethnal Green). Haunt of the ‘London Burkers’ bodysnatchers.The (also formerly known as ‘The Bird Cage’) has been in continuous use as a public house since at least 1760. It was in this pub that 14-year-old Carlo Ferrier was last seen by

398/422 Angel: Northern Line. Years ago I worked for a bank and was sent here for a training day. We all went to the pub at lunch and got food poisoning. Might’ve been The Peacock but who knows. I avoid eating just in case. Anyway that’s all the A’s done. Well done me. Half cider = £3.30 Rating 3/5

397/422 Borough: Northern Line. Borough. Home of the famous market and the photo of that fella running down the road with a full pint after the terrorist attack. Makes you proud to be British doesn’t it? I walk into The Trinity as Palace go 2 down to Macclesfield. Jesus. Half cider £3.50 Rating 3/5

396/422 Elephant & Castle: Northern/Bakerloo Line. Christ the architecture round here is ugly. It seems stuck in the 60s as does the Elephant & Castle pub with its garish decor and mental lights. Despite this, I really really like it. Character counts for a lot well done. Half cider £3.30 Rating 4/5

395/422 Lambeth North: Bakerloo Line. The Hercules is named after the famous strongman and leans heavily into Lambeth’s fame as the birthplace of the modern circus. Which means that there are just some framed posters including one of a bear riding a bike. It’s fun though. Half cider £3.75 Rating 4/5

394/422 Westminster: Jubilee/Circle/District Line. St Stephens Tavern prides itself as being a historic gem graced by politicians and heavyweight journos. Well that might have been true once but now it’s an over-lit, cramped pub populated solely by tourists. Half cider £3.75 Rating 2/5

393/422 Southwark: Jubilee Line. Loads of restaurants here but I only care about pubs. The Ring was bought by boxing champ Dick Burge and was the first indoor boxing ring for the proles. That’s all well and good but it gets an extra point for playing Fine Young Cannibals. Half cider £3.30 Rating 3/5

392/422 Bermondsey: Jubilee Line. We’re in Millwall territory here. The Gregorian is a proper old school pub with parquet flooring, old fireplace and separate snug areas to watch sport. Apparently it’s the most haunted pub in London but fuck knows how you measure that. Half cider = £3.40 Rating 3/5

391/422 Monument: Circle/District Line. I came and climbed Monument a while back when my kids were learning about Great Fire of London, I wouldn’t recommend it but at least you can get your breath back in The Hydrant an open friendly bar which does great chicken wings. Pint of cider £7.50 Rating 3/5

390/422 Tower Hill: District/Circle Line. Must have come out a different exit when I did Tower Gateway cos I did a different pub yet this is right on the doorstep, Anyway, I presume that a Minory is something religious seeing as there is a confessional booth inside. Nice. Half cider £3.80 Rating 4/5

389/422 Aldgate East: Ham & City/District Line. Right, we’re slap bang in Jack The Ripper territory. One of his victims was murdered after drinking in the White Hart so no surprise that everyone’s cashing in but I’m not sure chip shop Jack The Chipper next door works. Half cider = £3.05 Rating 3/5

388/422 Marylebone: Bakerloo Line. Oh what a glorious way to end the day, a shit station pub. In fairness I’ve had some decent ones, Waterloo and Paddington were both fine. This is rubbish with nothing to recommend it at all. I drink my last half and stagger into work. Half cider =£4.00 Rating 1/5

387/422 Edgware Road: Bakerloo Line. The most pubs I’ve done in a day is 8 but I don’t start work for another 90 mins and it’s still raining so I crack onto number 9. The Green Man is very quiet this close to Christmas but I quite like it. Although I am getting drunky. Half cider = £3.55 Rating 3/5

386/422 Warwick Avenue: Bakerloo Line. Today has been a cunt weather wise. I’m soaked and miserable as I walk into The Prince Alfred, but cheer right up when I see there is a 3 foot door you have to walk through that separates the main bar from the restaurant. Lovely!! Half cider £3.55 Rating 5/5

385/422 Maida Vale: Bakerloo Line. Maida Vale conjures up memories of listening to Radio One as Bruno Brooks announces Strawberry Switchblade playing in Maida Vale studios. The old lady at The Elgin who doesn’t know what to drink ruins my reminiscences. MAKE A DECISION! Half cider £3.40 Rating 2/5

384/422 Kilburn Park: Bakerloo Line. The station ticket booths have been turned into terrariums which is fun. Anyway, the Prince of Wales is a tatty but friendly Irish pub filled with locals watching the darts. It’s ok, they could dim the lights though. Bright as fuck. Half cider = £2.40 Rating 2/5

383/422 Kensal Green: Bakerloo/Lioness Line. Why the fuck did I eat a shit fish and chips in Paddington? Food at The Whippet Inn looks amazing and not too expensive. The staff are really friendly, it’s a great pub and the screen of a roaring fire does make me feel warmer! Half cider £3.30 Rating 4/5

382/422 Paddington: Elizabeth/Bakerloo/Circle/District/Ham&City Line. Ooh I’ve had fun on the Elizabeth Line. Trekking to Reading, a Holiday Inn at Heathrow T4, an awful pub in Southall…I finish off here with a pint and some fish and chips! Pint of cider = £7.00 Rating 2/5 ELIZABETH LINE COMPLETE

381/422 Whitechapel: Windrush/District/Elizabeth/Ham&City Line. The London Hospital Tavern was built so the builders could have a drink after work in the 1750’s. Then the hospital porters all started to come here. Now home to bored office workers. Half cider £3.00 Rating 3/5 WINDRUSH LINE COMPLETE!

380/422 Shoreditch High Street: Windrush Line. Most people think of the word ‘wanky’ when hearing Shoreditch, which is fair. Everyone looks like the sound guys from Toast of London. Having said that The Owl & The Pussycat is an excellent pub. Half cider £3.60 Rating 4/5 I can hear you Clem Fandango!

379/422 Hoxton: Windrush Line. It’s raining its cock off in Hoxton but I duck into the pub next door, The Hoxton Hound. It’s a craft beer pub and has the heating on full so I can dry off. The food looks amazing btw, but I only had breakfast an hour ago so I skip it. Half cider = £3.30 Rating 3/5

378/422 Caledonian Road & Barnsbury: Mildmay Line. The Mildmay goes from Richmond/Clapham in the South West all the way to Stratford in the East. And this is my last stop! Where better to finish than a weird brewery on an industrial estate. Classic. Half lager £3.34 Rating 2/5 MILDMAY LINE COMPLETE!

377/422 Camden Road: Mildmay Line. Fun fact: I was in here, in the Camden Road Arms, 33 steps from the station when I had the stupid idea to do this. Now I can’t afford to buy my kids Christmas presents so I’m tempted to burn it to the fucking ground. It is cool though. Half cider = £3.15 Rating 4/5

376/422 Kentish Town West: Mildmay Line. Next door to the station is this beer hall. I imagine it’s great fun with a load of mates in the evening, all getting drunk and singing shit songs on those long wooden tables like Viking’s. I’m on my own reading my book. Half lager = £3.75 Rating 3/5

375/422 Hampstead Heath: Mildmay Line. You know the country’s fucked when there’s a food bank in Hampstead. In other news if everyone that followed me donated about £18k I could afford to buy this £5.25m house. I’m sorting out a Justgiving in The Magdala which is lovely. Half cider £3.10 Rating 4/5

374/422 Finchley Road & Frognal: Mildmay Line. Finchley is tatty as fuck, but this has a bit more about it, probably cos we’re heading closer towards fancy Hampstead. Seems I’m doing a tour of all the Alice House’s! I imagine people who don’t like pubs like these places. Half cider £3.40 Rating 3/5

373/422 Brondesbury: Mildmay Line. The Brondes Age is a weird name until you say it aloud and realise it’s a shit pun. The fella cleaning outside ruins the photo but I can’t really ask him to move. The pub itself is all exposed brick work which sounds cooler than it is. Half cider = £2.50 Rating 2/5

372/422 Brondesbury Park: Mildmay Line. It’s a brisk 5 min walk to Alice House. Oh yeah, I was here a while ago when I did Queen’s Park. I was quite positive last time, but it’s a bit weird. I think I want a proper pub and this has more of a cafe vibe. S’alright though. Half cider = £3.40 Rating 3/5

Down to the last 50 tube stations. If everyone that sees this message can repost it, it would make absolutely fuck all difference to me or what I am doing. It wouldn’t help me in the slightest, either personally or financially so please don’t bother. Thanks

371/422 Brixton: Victoria Line. I used to live here. My housemate had false teeth and got upset when he bought a girl back and she didn’t want to see him again when he took them out like old man Steptoe. Not sure what he was expecting. Hi Chris! Prince of Wales is ok. Half cider = £3.00 Rating 2/5

370/422 Vauxhall: Victoria Line. I thought I’d be taking a trip to the famous Vauxhall Tavern but it doesn’t open till later so I go to The Riverside which is just by the side of river!! It’s a bog standard Youngs which seems familiar. Ahh, I was here for 26 Nine Elms! Half cider = £3.55 Rating 3/5

369/422 Pimlico: Victoria Line. I’ve said before that pubs with a black exterior are really uninviting. Not The Gallery, all fancy yellow and blue it’s a delight. It’s also really cosy with little sofas so in one corner it’s like being round your nans house. Half cider = £2.95 Rating 4/5

368/422 Haggerston: Windrush Line. Anyone who says they’ve heard of Haggerston is lying. Even if they live here. The Duke of Wellington was closed when I got here so I did loads more and then came back. It wasn’t worth the wait. The park outside the pub is busy though. Half cider = £3.00 Rating 2/5

367/422 Dalston Junction: Windrush Line. 2nd trip to Dalston this week, this time instead of Burkes it’s The Crown & Castle. Even if you ignore the woman on her own smashing down vodka after vodka it’s classier than Burke’s and it’s deffo the pub of choice if you’re here. Half cider £3.15 Rating 3/5

366/422 South Kensington: Picc/District/Circle Line. Two celeb spots I’ve had around here have been Nigel Havers and Peter Bowles. That’s how posh South Ken is. Neither are in the Hoop & Toy though. Bowles has the excuse that he’s dead, but come on Havers where are you? Half cider = £3.60 Rating 3/5

365/422 Gloucester Road: Piccadilly/District/Circle Line. Call me basic but I think the Greene King pubs are generally my favourite. Stanhope Arms isn’t pretentious - a big surprise in South Ken - and is just pretty welcoming. And they’ve gone to town on Christmas decs. Half cider £3.60 Rating 3/5

364/422 Knightsbridge: Piccadilly Line. Again, wasn’t intending to come here but the train broke down at the station so here I am at Paxton’s Head, either named after Joseph Paxton the architect who designed the Crystal Palace in Hyde Park or Bill Paxton from Twister. Half cider = £3.60 Rating 3/5

363/422 Covent Garden: Piccadilly Line. I’m supposed to be going to cinema in Russell Sq but get wrong tube and end up in Covent Garden. Impromptu pub crawl ensues! I’ve walked past The White Lion a million times and never been in. Standard tourist pub. It’s fine. Half cider = £3.90 Rating 2/5