Hi friends, long time no see. Truth be told, I’ve been avoiding this app. I’m not sure why. I hope you all are well despite *broadly gestures*. I lost my job in July and have been unemployed ever since. It’s weird not having a job. I haven’t not had at least one job since I was 15. /1

I’m sorry I haven’t been on here so much. Dealing with mental health is so laborious that I don’t have the energy for much social media. I hope you all are well.

God damn, it was wrong of me to be hopeful to have a good birthday.

It’s my birthday. My husband almost forgot it was today. Made me feel real good.

david tennant has said trans ppl are demonised. he’s right of course and it’s really shameful that more prominent ppl don’t say it.

I have a job interview next week and the relief I feel just getting an interview is immense. Just thank fuck.

Let’s throw up for the 1000th time this week because of this overwhelming anxiety. I am over this.

So, I finally got anxiety meds. And I definitely feel mellow. But maybe that could be the edible I ate. Haha, who knows.

stop posting people's faces at protests. ffs.

I have come to the conclusion that I’m going to lose my job because I don’t get enough support or leadership from management, and I feel like the world is collapsing around me and there’s nothing I can do about it. Yes, I’ve been applying for other things, but the market is so saturated with people

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here eating nachos.

I’m so sick with anxiety today. Seriously, I’ve only been up 2 hours and I have already thrown up 5 times.

#transrights #trans #transgender #lgbtq

Nachos.... For those like tacos, but don't have their shit together

What, and I say this sincerely with my whole chest, the fuck.

Holy fuck it’s only Tuesday.

I got written up at work for underperforming and I’m just like, I work so hard, I don’t know how I can work any harder without destroying myself. I don’t know what to do.

If you see this, post something green.

"Dicke Titten (Huge Tits) in my Ass"

Yesterday I worked with acrylic paints, today I’m working with oils. I prefer oils for sure. They don’t dry as fast, so you can work more intentionally with them.

all the news is bad, so post a cat.

It's way too early to be arguing with people on FB that neurodiverse people deserve to have a system that accomodates them, not shun them for being different. Neurodivergent people should not have to adapt or change just to fit in. I'll die on this hill.

I don’t think that goat cheese gets enough hype.

I finally got to paint today.

I called off again today and am considering going to a hospital because I am having a breakdown.

I go back to work tomorrow, and I’m just freaking out about it. I didn’t get much time for myself today, so I’m not rested. This day feels like a waste and I feel so defeated.

Guess my “me” day is not a me day after all. I get to cart my husband around places because he needs it. And I can’t say no because then I’m a huge selfish bitch. Sorry for complaining so much. It’s just getting overwhelming.

Ugh. Can something just go right for me? I scheduled some studio time for today, but I had to be moved to Saturday because of some scheduling fuck up. I just wanted to paint my feelings.

I wrote about this a bit in my last book but it really shakes me that a defining feature of this catastrophic era is that we just keep going to work. We work through pandemics, we work through natural disasters, we work through economic calamity, we work through coups, we work, we work, we work.

*sigh* I am not in a good place. I called off work to have a me day, but I’m so anxious I can’t even chill out.

I think I’m literally having some kind of mental collapse. Called off work for tomorrow because I just can’t. I know one day isn’t going to fix me, but I’m at least going to do something that’s good for me.

I really just can’t anymore and thank fuck I started therapy.

Can you be traumatized by work? I have full blown panic attacks when I have to talk to my boss because I’m afraid I did something wrong.

Apparently we're bringing back extinct animals now. Wasn't there a movie explaining why this might not be a great idea?

More Wolf Park pictures I took.

A lot of people take a lot of things I say or do or don’t say or don’t do very personally and I just have to tell you I am way too self-involved for any of this to be about you

*screams into the void*

The one thing I never need help with is fucking things up.

I really wish I could’ve called in to work today but NOOO.

I went to Wolf Park today to take pictures of wolves.

Oh Miles.

I’m going to hang out with some wolves and foxes soon, and I really hope the roads aren’t too flooded to get there.

Tomorrow I’m doing a photography workshop at Wolf Park, where I’ll get up close and personal with wolves and foxes to capture their beauty in photographs. I’m so excited.

Finished another pixel art sticker today.

I’ve been doing pixel art projects with really tiny pixel stickers. The big one is about 10k pixel stickers.

Nail update. They’re more purple than black like I was expecting, but I like them.

I’m getting my nails done in an hour as a little treat for myself. I haven’t done this in years so they’ll probably take one look at me and say “ugh”. Haha