I shaved this morning and now the work iPhone does not recognize me. Why the hell is the ghost of Steve Jobs telling Me to get My shit together? Fuck off, Steve! You had your chance.

My youngest just smacked the older kid in the nose Because "he needed to learn a lesson and I needed to teach it to him." I am doing a great job as a parent.

Pornography?! On the Internet?! The Hell You Say!

Don't trust anyone over 30. Even me. Especially me.

A tough day. I've decided that I'm going to play Minecraft, cuddle with my cat, and watch Mr. Rogers.

The song "what planet is this" on the cowboy bebop soundtrack is definitely a character select song from a fighting game. www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA4P...

Prepare for a shock upon return, Artemis II crew…

I very much want a reciept printer that I can hook up to my phone to hand out paper copies of the snarky comments that pop into my head

"Engagement is down" Have you tried... Harder?

@kasparition.bsky.social I might reach out to you when (if) I ever do character art for one of my writing projects. You have a really expressive style and I like how your facial expression are fully embodied.

In the Wayfarer series I've been calling the Laru Noodle Llamas

So how about we do the opposite? When you get to the big bad, anything that you don't have equipped gets pulled into a vortex by the big boss. You then watch as all of their stats appear on screen and start counting up. Characters appear on screen with unfinished quest lines and then slowly fade.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this time of year, but I do want to shout out to some folks who make it easier. Thanks! @hopeengel.com @halfbakedrhymes.com @linnfoster.com @quietblkgrl.blacksky.app @brightbutterfliii.bsky.social @valwrites.ca @leaftilde.bsky.social

Its a thing!

I know it's april fools day but I can't emphasize enough how much I need everybody to not fuck around today

Article 33, Section 4. What the fuck are we doing?

I need this in my life. Can I ssh into it?

"Filmed in front of a live studio audience!"

#weeknightwriters Not to like, shill my stuff, but I would love ARC reader sign ups for my forthcoming debut novel, a contemporary sports romance. I've made the ARC sign up form as chill as possible with no review requirements - just want to share my story for free! forms.gle/1svcBBxmUFf8...

I believe in death of the author, in that yes, You Can just Murder the author. Or they can just be Dead To You. You're allowed. I'm giving you permission. Both Options are Equally Acceptable.

It is 9:19 and I am far too sober to be taking on this day. I need something calm and relaxing

Fun Fact Michael Douglas didn't know he held the leading role in "The Game" until after most of the filming was complete. It wasn't until director David Fincher approached him and revealed that he'd been following him for days filming in secret.

A series of time travel games called "By Any Means Necessary". Go into a scene and change relatively minor things. - 'tempt a nun out of her habbit' - reverse meet-cute - it's not what itlooks like Time is trying to thwart you, so you have to take extreme measures to make changes.

Great Lakes Avengers meet Hannah Barbara's Wacky Racers in a 1980's Dare / Laura Bush 'Don't Do Drugs' campaign.

It's My Wifi, I'll Do What I Want.

Listen, lots of people are going to give you advice, not many are going to brave the depths to deliberately give you bad advice. For anyone who ever told you all exposure is good exposure, give it a shot. Get arrested Get on the local news Get in a fist fight in a parking lot

new personal scandal just dropped and it’s just the fact that I Have A Birthday

This seems like a really good idea. I could really use the external validation right now.

Watching doctor who for the first time. When did this get sexy?

On an island that I own Healthy wealthy and alone Surrounded by my great big piles of money

K.Flay is really awesome from Mashed Potatoes to Outside Voices I'm really looking forward to seeing what she has to say in "Mono". I know she lost part or all of her hearing, and I'm looking forward to seeing how things have changed with her perspective shift. She's really passionate. #Music

Consider this. It takes about 22 seconds to empty your bladder. In #D&D, one round of combat is six seconds. I feel like there's a bigger point to be made here, but I really don't have it.

Heads of state who ride and wrangle Who Look at your face for more than one angle Will cut you from their bloated budgets Like sharpened knives through chicken mcnuggets.

@halfbakedrhymes.com Poem: "Boy who cried wolf" --- Fire alarm goes off. Check, no fire. Clear alarm. Fire alarm goes off. Check, no fire. Clear alarm Fire alarm goes off. Disable alarm. Building burns down. "System didn't warn me"

@james.claims a while ago you said you don't have a lot of friends and I offered to be your friend because Dude Anyways, I'm still here, and I know I don't say much but if you need a friend I'm around Because Dude.

Hey, when is this coming to netflix again?

Never been to this place but always ment to. #writers

@funkybun.bsky.social Specifically ~ your art; I enjoy the stories with the 'friends' part of 'friends with benefits'. Its fun, experimental, curious, and specifically not jealous. As I learn what kind of stories I want to write, they definately involve this spirit. Cozy? Maybe cozy.

I mean, it is not a deep song. A few small changes though, And it is still not a deep song. But I think it might be better.

The chorus for Danzig's "Mother" needs to be mirrored I'm not about to see the light But if you want to find hell with me I will show you what it's like. Till you're bleeding. I will show you what it's like. And if you want to find hell with me I'm not about to see your light Till you're bleeding.

Totally thought this was going to be about Gail's only interactions with Canadians being with Tim Hortons. Like whenever I go there and get my mediocre 'lg Carmel ice cap', that's the question I'm asked.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the innovations that Rob Ray brought to the sport of Hockey. Specifically, ripping off his shirt before the other guy could Pulling the other guys jersey over his face And pummeling him until he stops moving or making noise. #Writing #Advice

The year is 2026 Snow Crash is Worse now.

She was scolding him for posting something passively inflamitory about the Superbowl and she was saying 'Your parents were immigrants, you love other cultures, the gays love you, why would you post something like this when you know (cousin) Frankie and (sister) Chris are going to have a field day!"

@quietblkgrl.blacksky.app I was thinking about your post the other day about how someone saved an image through bsky. The whole experience seems weird to me because... Well a lot of things, but because saved posts are public facing.

I hadn't really thought about it until my mom said something recently. My father gets a fair amount of attention from 'the gays' (her words) He's a big construction worker with a flashy gold motorcycle and rainbow suspenders. Some of his tools he has pink electrical tape on for visibility.

For f'n Finally. youtu.be/dSwYBBcKFXY

"Good show is good, actually."

I need more skull sconces. Damn.