this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

anyway PSY was right

going to call my senators back and tell them to put the child porno machine on the back burner for now and focus on the undeclared war of aggression

this is some truly evil and awful shit

beverage of the year choice is once again coffee from a meeting at Alcoholics Anonymous with an honorable mention to good earth sweet and spicy original herbal tea and aldis strawberry carby water

haha you clowns was the best tv show of the year with an honorable mention to atlanta

best short film of the year

book of the year was red rosa by kate evans with an honorable mention to lives of the saints by nancy lemann

2025 movie of the year was a tie between sister midnight and the secret agent

the 2025 song of the year was, to no ones surprise, lou reed’s street hassle, with an honorable mention given to junior parker and jimmy mcgriffs cover of the inner light

real shit for brains 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

Entrepreneur Elon Musk has drowned.

your 2025 shortlist of swagged out white boys: cameron winter chalamet chet holmgren zach kanin dan o’sullivan however our unequivocal winner is alex caruso. congratulations to one of the best shooting guards to come off of the bench

some real pyro guys got it poppin down the block

And now to sing Auld Lang Syne....Misterrrrrr Jared Fogel!

They need to bring back silent films, so i can make phone calls in the theater without any background noise

[Trailer for Funyuns (2024)] Jeremy Strong holds an onion up in front of a board room "Kids don't want to buy this. They see this and they think Grandmas Soup. They hate this shit." he throws the onion hard against the wall "I think it's about time we started having a little fun with it"

rip to one of the goated posters

Rest in peace, Brigitte Bardot.

the 49ers are full of crazy ass white boys

i actually know this person. she was my coworker until she got fired for using the water from the offices toilet to brush her teeth and wash her face

preparing to thunder up on christmas while listening to bob dylan christmas record

🚨🚨🚨tracy mcgrady cameo in marty supreme🚨🚨🚨

bob marley voice: ooooo ya / were gaming

if I win first prize I'm taking 2nd and 3rd prize too.

👇🏼moron acting in bad faith

Good news, someone ripped my video and put it on the Internet Archive. If you're having trouble downloading from Filemail, here it is: archive.org/details/60mi...

and the oscar for best picture goes to

@amctheatres.bsky.social all this bullshit before a movie sucks

man. fuck all of this

fuck da timberwolves but that center court prince logo is dope as fuk

Clearly he did it, he's like the main character of the book I guess This is like when UPN had the edited version of Scarface on and the movie run time ended up being like 38 minutes lol

I love my two blackout drunk Minnesota sons

that specific image doesn't seem to appear in any archives links for Deadspin/ESPN (if we missed it, do tell us) instead, that comes from The Smoking Gun article that Keating's article links toward the end: web.archive.org/web/20241010... this 2003 deposition: thesmokinggun.com/file/nba-own...

sexts w typos

i (walter) am not “friends” with jeffrey epstein and i have never flown on his plane.

Same way I found out about Epstein

I've been writing for ClickHole for pretty much the entirety of the Trump era and I never bother pitching Trump jokes because literally nothing I could write would ever be funnier than these earnest "Please sir, you're better than this" statements about the biggest piece of shit on the planet

me rn ):

Search for SquarePants? What is that, a description of when @splork.bsky.social goes clothes shopping???

):

tomahawk chop has loser energy ):

Cena should have left the jorts in the ring

wow this sucks!!!

sometimes i think about the freshman in my comp 101 class in 2011 who had a folder on his desktop named “jackin vids” that was visible during our entire end of the year conference. i hope hes well (:

i watched a movie tonite instead of watching the thunder because they are simply too good and its kinda boring