Spare a thought this festive season for those who will be spending the Yuletide period all on their own, with no family to visit them. People like ‘A’, who will spend this Christmas without any of his titles. From the new Private Eye, out now.

I don't really post anymore, but I would like to carry on writing books at some point in the future. Hate to be annoying, but any chance you could retweet so old twitter followers can find me if they want to? Going to delete my twitter, or at least abandon it on lock and let it die a slow death.

Not sure how long Farage is going to get away with this sort of thing…. Long enough to get into No.10 where he can fully screw the country over? Or could he (for love of god) be investigated before then? Racism aside (which should end his career), he’s just so bloody corrupt… (Private Eye)

My dad abhors any negative comments about immigrants. Asked him recently why he’s so strong on it: ‘Because we’re always happy to take the rich and clever ones. Which means it’s not about disliking immigrants. It’s about disliking the poor and vulnerable. And that’s a bad human instinct.’

Heard we lost Phil (b) Fuck, this year's been rough

Wow - this guy must be really, REALLY bad with money if an extra £208 per month will “ruin” his retirement. Let’s take a look at his situation based on what he told the @Telegraph Because this does NOT add up! No, this is not a “poor pensioner” scrabbling around for pennies… 🧵1/9

Coincidence corner: Nigel Farage and crypto. From the new Private Eye, out now.

The only way these people think you can counter Reform is by emulating them. Countering them with facts or a heartfelt defence of our humanitarian obligations has never been an option.

Swifts have declined 70% since 1994. They fly from Africa to breed here, only to find we've blocked their nest sites. A £35 swift brick nest box was proposed for all new buildings. The construction industry lobbied Labour to block it. Biodiversity sustains life. Labour sustains economic power.

HIVE MIND - I’m touring my one man version of A Christmas Carol this December; got a bunch of dates in BUT I’ve got an annoying gap: 14th - 17th. Been waiting to hear from some venues but can’t wait any longer. I donate 50% of my cut to local charities Any small (<100 seat)f venues interested?

So we're really at the stage where conservative politicians and pundits consider anything north of screaming proscribed epithets into ethnic faces as "not racist". But we'll get there on that behviour too, and our media will both-sides it when it comes.

Clocks have gone what now? That explains a lot 🤦🏻‍♂️🚂

A night out with my stepdad in the mid 90s; the band in The Cartoon was rubbish, so we went to the Nowhere Inn Particular, where this was on the jukebox #RightInTheFeels youtu.be/6mNoNawk85c?...

What’s one song that instantly transports you to a moment in your life? 🎧 Mine’s “Way Over Yonder” — it always feels like home.

Trouser leg of time moment, 18 years ago today: my first gig in nearly 6 years Pretty much everything else has changed since that day, but still representing @gogosofficial.bsky.social anywhere I go 🤘🏻 Happy birthday, Charlotte 🎂

Incentives to hit sales targets in the financial services sector far outweigh any incentive to report AML suspicions Regulatory fines are just another overhead, paid for by writing even more debt of questionable provenance 🤠

"So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure How amazingly unlikely is your birth And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space 'Cos there's bugger all down here on earth"

[opposing devastating cuts to welfare] You can no longer be a Labour MP [sending birthday messages to convicted paedophile, sex trafficker and "best pal" Jeffrey Epstein then continuing contact after his first conviction] Well now hold on a second he's said he's sorry jeez

Why the FUCK aren't media outlets - including the fucking BBC - making more noise about this??? I am so fucking sick of double standards.

Why does Robotman blink...? 🤔 #DoomPatrol

Not defending any tax dodging obvs, but I suspect we'll be waiting for quite some time for the same level of outrage over the tax affairs of politicians who aren't women, left wing or working class.

Why is no-one in any position of power IN OUR BLOODY COUNTRY calling Farage out like this?

Here's the full column in all it's angst ridden glory... but you should still sign up to the Substack!

EXCLUSIVE - ASK NIGEL is back! This week an anonymous Prime Minister asks, 'How can I stop fixating so much on foreigners?' open.substack.com/pub/mrhenrym...

The PNG Courier returns. open.substack.com/pub/mrhenrym...

Hi music lovers! If you have half an hour, sit down with my warm and loving record Atlas to get a fix of #contemporaryfolk #country #indiepop #acoustic #singersongwriter music dielle.bandcamp.com/album/atlas-4 listen free here 👈

The television recommended a horror film starring Peter Cushing as a dermatologist. Fucking hell, I thought, that's a bit niche in the battle of good vs evil. I'll give it a look. Demonologist. Stop trying to find something to watch at the same time as making dinner, Rob. 👹

Over 70s will soon have to pass an eye test to keep driving, as the government realises that pensioners are more of a threat on the road than on a demo

Any guitarist who tells you they haven't pinched moves from #BuddyGuy is either a liar or a shit guitarist Happy 89th, BG 🤘🏻💙 youtube.com/watch?v=itOw...

Happy fuckin' 60th, Slash RIP Ozzy 🤘🏻🐍 youtu.be/6YZO6XBycqg?...

Netting can harm hedgehogs and other wildlife. Please follow this advice from @hedgehogsociety.bsky.social to help prevent needless injuries and death

Alex Hartley: "They were starstruck? With the king? But they've got Virat Kohli!" Alex, never fucking ever change

There's something very odd about lining up a photo of the venue and holding off while one of the performers you're here to see walks past...

Please keep your water bowls topped up. They’re a lifeline for all creatures great and small #toohot #helpwildlife #water #birds #hedgehogs #foxes #bees #badgers

Cricket For Dummies: "Cow corner isn't what it sounds like" Actual Cricket: Pipe down, smartarse, and take a seat. Over by the moo-cow looks a good spot. 🏏🐮

Trump: the comprehensive Mexican food acronyms From the new Private Eye, out now.

A camp where people of a certain ethnicity are concentrated, you say? Why does that sound familiar...? 🤔 www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

This beautiful signed, limited edition print of 3 baby Robins titled ’Fuzz, Fluff & Feathers’ by Aaminah Snowdon has been donated for us to sell. Please pop over to our eBay page & take a look. All proceeds go to support the wildlife in our care 🦔💕 www.ebay.co.uk/usr/follywil... #birds

Please make water for wildlife a priority in this hot weather

A tax-exemption loyalty card for the super-rich. He’s a true man of the people our Nige.

Journalists at the Farage press conference repeating Reform's framing of this policy as "robin hood" because the non-dom fee will be redistributed to poorer workers, whilst missing the fact that it hands tens of billions of pounds in tax cuts to the wealthiest people already living in the UK

In 1991, I was working in Mayday Hospital before starting college. It felt like there was a game on every day. By the time I got to college, I was hooked RIP, Syd, and thank you 🏏 youtube.com/watch?v=yBzl...

Folly Wildlife Rescue needs volunteer drivers to help cover #Maidstone and #EastKent. Could you offer a little time? #Kent #volunteer #volunteering

Opened the bedroom curtains just as a 🦔 trotted past on the path outside Then met this young lady 🦌 Monday's peaked. Back to bed

"The best advice I can give is lock your door from the inside" Sir, if he locked it from the outside, he'd be sleeping in the corridor. If that's the best advice you can give, I'd question whether running a hotel is the right career for you

"Please excuse Michael from P.E. as he has been having nosebleeds"

I think I'm going to make it my mission in life to shout "IT'S ENRICO PALAZZO" at every umpire I see

Postcard from the Costa del Kent 🏏 I can almost see my old house from here! #Surrey #SurreyCricket #CountyGround #Beckenham #SurreyHampshire #Cricket #VitalityT20

Postcard from the Costa del Kennington 🏏 #Surrey #SurreyCricket #TheOval #KenningtonOval #SurreyYorkshire #Cricket #CountyChampionship