Kemi Badenoch:                                                  On herself, Sep. 2024: “I don’t have gaffes. I never have to clarify, because I think very carefully about what I say.”        On Brexit, Oct. 2025: “The last time I checked, Northern Ireland did vote to leave”

Britain is paying the highest electricity prices in the world for the second year running – Net Zero, is how many good ideas this guy has

A company linked to Baroness Mone has to pay £122m in damages after supplying Covid PPE sterile gowns that weren’t sterile – that’s plastic surgical gowns, not those velvet, ermine, fur, silk and gold-lace gowns, those are fine

At Labour’s Conference, an unapologetic Keir Starmer announces drastic cuts – traditional three-word slogans are to be slashed by 33%

GAZA LATEST: the so-called peace plan is limited by Netanyahu ‘forcibly resisting’ the notion of Palestine’s statehood, and having Trump’s backing on any future action – so, exactly the same deal Trump has with Putin over Ukraine

ITV celebrates 70 years on air by broadcasting lots of archive content – featuring the likes of Sir Bruce Forsyth, who was lured out of retirement to host 1955’s opening night

EasyJet have suspended a pilot for walking around a hotel naked, as an investigation begins into his inability to put away his landing gear

Over 70s will soon have to pass an eye test to keep driving, as the government realises that pensioners are more of a threat on the road than on a demo

Cash for access scandal: people paying £9.5k to access 'influential government policy makers', although so far they've only met Labour MPs

Angela Rayner wants to give local councils the right to sell off allotments, although she will make exceptions for anyone growing potatoes for vodka

A new biography is making some bold accusations about the Royal Family. Prince Andrew comes across as an insensitive, vulgar bully. So it'll be interesting to see how he's portrayed in the book

A child has been born using an embryo frozen in 1994, making it 'the world's oldest baby', although it's already facing some stiff competition for the title

Heathrow has moved a step closer to building a third runway or, given current problems with getting planes off the ground, Britain's most expensive parking space

Angela Rayner's housing department has spent a record £4.7m on air travel. When Labour promised more homes, no-one thought they meant second ones for airline bosses

The BBC announces it will air the latest series of MasterChef: re-editing doesn't get tougher than this

In a speech yesterday Nigel Farage said Britain needs "a bit more fear", and then obliged by unveiling policies he'd bring in as Prime Minister

A government report into British water companies has concluded they are not operating efficiently. No shit, would be a good starting point

Keir Starmer has suspended four Labour MPs for voting against him, with one source accusing them of, "persistent knobhead-ery", and you wouldn't want that spreading across parliament

New reports in Washington suggest The President is starting to doubt Vladimir Putin has honest intentions, showing, once again, that nothing gets past Donald Trump

As the government announces a bold new policy to tackle unwanted visitors, Keir Starmer spots the opportunity to get the ball rolling

Social Media platform X has deleted pro-Nazi comments made by its AI Chatbot Grok, as it remains a complete mystery where it got those ideas from

Emmanuel Macron says the migrant crisis can be solved by 'making Britain less appealing', something Labour have been working on tirelessly since they came to power

Airports have begun lifting the ban on carrying more than 100ml of liquids. Good news for passengers, bad news for flight attendants on the Glasgow to Alicante route

Labour have marked their first year in power with a party so muted even Angela Rayner only stayed for a couple of bottles

After her tears sent markets plummeting, Rachel Reeves’ week goes from bad to worse as she receives a knock at the door

Starmer’s welfare bill U-turn was described as “shambolic”, “unedifying” and a “total clusterfuck of Godzilla proportions”. He was also described by MPs as “too arrogant to listen”, so he’ll be none the wiser

Can you fill in the missing words of this headline? 🤔 Our favourite comment to this Missing Word Round (and the actual answer) will be revealed on Wednesday's episode of In The News This Week, the Have I Got News for You podcast! 🎧 Subscribe here: podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/i...

Keir Starmer is working tirelessly to find another benefits policy that the House of Commons can all hate

British media treats delicate Middle East situation with trademark nuance and respect

The EU delegation saw a grizzly bear during their visit to the G7. Lumbering, aggressive and increasingly erratic, Donald Trump also made a brief appearance

The G7 has been described as G6 + 1, which helps explain Trump’s early exit as that maths was way too complex for him

Waitrose have revealed that rosé wine sales soar when temperatures hit 20 degrees. That’s in celsius, unless you’re Pete Hegseth, in which case you go on Fahrenheit

Trump’s long-planned birthday parade may be cancelled due to forecast thunderstorms. Unaffected by the news, he continued to announce new policies, including moving the National Weather Center to El Salvador

Stats show that a recent recruitment of 2000 extra civil servants has brought their number to a 20-year high. Which, given their working preferences, should give the country a real boost… in daytime television viewers

A tribunal has ruled that calling a colleague a ‘weirdo’ is considered discrimination and could lead to compensation. It’s going to be a tough day at Reform Party HQ

Farage denies he falls out with colleagues, claiming some people have worked with him for 25 years. One of them being the person who books his holidays

After the British Army was described as being ‘too small’, there’s evidence that the situation was exacerbated by the last government

Last episode of the series! Hosted by Richard Ayoade, with Jack Dee and Kelly Cates, tonight at 9pm on BBC One & iPlayer

A museum in Amsterdam displays a 200-year-old illustrated condom, described as being in ‘mint condition’ – so even then they had flavoured ones?

The Government still hasn’t made clear any changes to the Winter Fuel Payment – maybe money from, say, the £3.4bn Chagos deal could be put to more practical use?

Poles’ poll closes close

Brand new episode hosted by Roy Wood Jr, with Guz Khan & Kirsty Wark, tonight at 9pm on BBC One and BBC iPlayer

Keir Starmer takes aim at Nigel Farage’s economic policy – but takes on board quite a few of the others

Thames Water face a record penalty of £122.7m – a fine not to be sniffed at, and hard to swallow

King Charles addresses the parliament of Canada as its Head of State – though there’ve been suggestions that someone else should do the job

Donald Trump unveils plans for the intricate ‘Golden Dome’ protection system – though it’s not been confirmed what inspired the idea

At a hastily-arranged interview with the media, Keir Starmer vehemently denies that he’s trying to compete with the populist approach of Nigel Farage

Foreign Secretary David Lammy tells Israel the conduct of the war in Gaza is damaging ‘our relationship with your government’ – not to mention damaging Gaza

More taxes, closer EU links, revised policy on winter fuel payments – all those homes linked to Keir Starmer are now to receive a special blue plaque

After a social media ‘error’, Gary Lineker is to leave the BBC – in his football career he was never booked, and some at the BBC clearly wish it had stayed that way