"THE IMPOSSIBLE HAS HAPPENED" OTD in 2016, Bartolo Colon hit his first career home run at 42 years old 🤯 (MLB x @NewYorkLife)

It’s Bartolo Colon home run day for all who celebrate.

They fucking did it. They used the song.

Jaylen is out here trying to save humanity

JD Vance in really shoddily, hastily applied trump makeup and fat suit doing the worst impression you’ve ever heard telling fox he is alive for sure.

President Trump is nowhere to be found for a meeting today. Everybody chill out. We’ve gone through this and practice this before. Nobody shoot off the fireworks until It Happens. Until then just pray and hope.

every day I am forced to watch markets think we've solved world peace by 9am only to think World War Three is about to start at 12:30

RIP to everyone banned by the mods for their hubris but I'm different. and better. maybe even better than the mods

calling your penis "the front junk" so everybody knows you're cool but also that men are terrible.

if the employee who got caught liking the pornography on here was like 'misclick lol' and left it alone i would have thought it was a misclick. since he's going around suspending anyone who mentions it i do not believe that. i believe he was viewing the pornography lustfully

honestly I don't think it's a good idea to keep using a website run by people who hate the people who use their website. I'm starting to feel like this place is no good. users are great. for the most part. the people who run this place suuuuck.

Big moment today. Sophie met the foxes. From a safe distance. Everybody was a big fan of each other. Llewyn and Lil’ Gurl sat down nicely and watched while Soph tried to show off how much she can spin around. It was very cool. Made me very happy.

The meanest thing I’ve said about anybody lately is “you look like you got wrapped up into a church run by a guy wearing cutoff jorts.”

Oh my god the Steve Gelbs “Let’s Be Frank” segments where he rates each stadium’s hot dogs are so good. $45 for a two footer? Really, Colorado? Really?

“The Mets scored 3 times” the whole year? Or just today?

Having a conversation with a friend where they keep trying to agree with me but keep saying exactly what I’m mad about so I flip at them and realize I may not be a good communicator.

I’m just saying most of our problems could be solved if we had a Hellboy in real life.

[watchint Insidous] So this world doesn’t have a Hellboy? Hm. Yeah sucks for them. Anung un Rama would’ve sorted this out in like 15 minutes. Sucks they don’t have one of those.

Anecdotally? The best movies from 2025 according to my friends and family are: - If I Had Legs I’d Kick You - Bone Temple - Marty Supreme I agree on the first two. Not sold on the last one.

Me telling my family I’m not actually an alcoholic because compared to England it’s fine [getting the shit kicked out me by my whole family]

Use the voice

fighting Trump would be light work for most toddlers with quick hands

He dead yet? No. Okay going back to work.

I’m not even mad about work anymore. I just have no feelings towards it which is somehow worse. Would rather be mad.

Breakfast breads. Etcetera. A whole spread.

speaking of webcomics I still think this Hark A Vagrant panel is like. the single funniest image of all time

gotta have a tan baby with measles now if you want to be a republican

I'm glad I got a random $287 bill from my health insurance for an urgent care visit I went to 3 months ago on the same day Obama is out here talking shit again. Just really rammed home how much he didn't do. I'm so mad about this bill.

not it isn't. It's because they keep shitting all over things their voters tell them not to shit all over. these people are not above criticism and I don't owe them a job in the government. They work for us.

what the fuck does this even mean again, disappointment comes from having expectations, Obama made me so happy and hopeful and really excited about the future. Did some okay things, but mostly didn't do anything he said he would. And he's always talking about a "strong republican party" so fuck 'em

Obama continues to be the most uniquely disappointing politician of my lifetime. Seems like, just, the nicest guy who has the dumbest, most boomer-brained centrist political ideas that do more harm than good. God damn.

pretending to be your mom online so you can use her account to defend yourself from people on the website you own is the biggest, lamest, most losery shit I've ever seen in my life

hey man yeah long time right yeah no I’m starting to get worried about how much of my life seems to feel dissociative. right. yeah. no I mean that makes sense. and the monkey does what again? oh right the fingers.

I could easily defeat king kong in hand to hand combat.

I bet the Pistons fuck around and win the championship this year.

Put on Schmigadoon and holy shit. This show is so fun. Why did I wait 5 years to watch it? This is incredible.

I put on Outcome after work today thinking it may be a fun, easy comedy to have on in the background while I did chores. Now, look, I will find something nice to say about any movie I watch. I’m struggling with this one. Truly bad. That said? There’s 5 minutes of it that wrecked me. WRECKED ME.

Wait Rahm Emmanuel is talking about cutting off Israel? This is the same guy from Obama times right? Oh. Oh dear. Yep. Yep. This is the craziest timeline ever.

I’ve had so, so many people tell me that I “seem like a dad” the last 3 years that I’m not even sure what that means anymore. I don’t have kids. My friends do and I’m very good with them but that’s because, I can’t stress this enough, I get to leave. I don’t know that could do 24/7 parenting.

Amber Midthunder showing up in Monarch is dirty math. That’s not fair. You can’t have this many good looking asskickers on the same show.

great now there’s a gang war

Godzilla being the vice principal in charge of discipline is a very funny bit and I hope they keep doing it.

Wyatt Russell is a charming, good looking, cool dude who is a good actor and putting him against his own father in Monarch is just mean. Kurt Russell is one of the coolest dudes ever and his poor son has to try to live up to that? By playing him? In a show that also has his dad? Fuck. That’s rude.

I went to get gas and, despite it costing $16 more to fill 3/4 of a tank than it did a month ago, I ran inside to grab a snack and saw that beef jerky now costs $25 per bag. Not sure if that was the gas station I was at or if that’s just how it is now but holy fuck.

I’m liking Monarch: Legacy of Monsters. It really seems to understand exactly how stupid capitalism would make us in the face of having actual monsters around. “We want to put a neurochip in a kaiju” okay cool you’re gonna die.

you can really ruin a person’s day by asking them who was president in 2020. it’s really surprising how many people think Biden somehow became president 2.5 years into Trump 1.

There's nothing inherently wrong with the "Bugs is minding his own business until an asshole pushes him to the brink" formula on its own but when it became an ironclad law in the 50s, his character started to wither. A lot of his best shorts are where he's the aggressor. He's also an asshole!

dad dadadad daaaad look at my leg there’s a bandage there! daaaaad

alright I’m going back to bed I’m not dealing with this shit