Dinner is a one pot Arrabbiata adjacent sauce with gemelli and grilled garlic, leek & pork sausages of course I’m not single duh…

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What the sexy people are eating

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here feeling loved and supported

I’ve been poor but never skimp on the mozzarella poor-poor

Happy boxalentines day

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Give her what she wants* bro *a bowl of chocolate on the nightstand

I’ll be your HRT baby

There was some very sexy stuff going down last night

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I talk a lot of shit for a guy who has never said Bloody Mary in a mirror 3x

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In our legume, sweet potato and pumpkin era

Debbie does Dahlias

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Make her a stew you coward

Lucky for me mamma didn’t raise an unsexy fool

Ok but have you tried listening to Jackson Browne about it ?

Smoking that strain that has 8 essential vitamins and minerals

So you work on the railroad huh? Yeah, that tracks.

My suggestion to the male loneness epidemic is to add some Atlanta Rhythm Section to your sex playlist bro

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here preserving lemons and listening to Cat Stevens on vinyl

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Not saying I believe in astrology I just avoid Cancers, Pisces and Scorpios…

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Do you even shovel a path in the snow for her cat, bro ?

A Lassie reboot only she alerts the Martin Family to phishing scams and identity theft

🎶 Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big bed of mushrooms, onions and bacon with pierogi pillows 🎶

Pour her a glass of wine you coward

My dog would have you believe that if you aren’t giving him treats the dog police will arrive and bite you

When I say "extra onion" I mean fuck me up with onions. I am grown ass woman, I know what I'm doing

In our Pomelo era

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here roasting Lamb merguez and potatoes with amazing 11th floor views of the lake and midtown

Your daily Comet pic *dogs love Christmas snacks edition

This shit is dangerous

Making Kofta in the air fryer likes it’s the year 2525 or something

I'll put a dutch baby in you, baby

When you get confused by how an oven mit fits, you know the edible is good

I admire the Dutch for many reasons, one of which is that they celebrate the New Year with doughnuts. I’ve taken a leaf out of their book, and so Oliebollen, the doughnuts in question, are #RecipeOfTheDay. And Happy New Year! www.nigella.com/recipes/new-...

2026 prediction: 8 9

Take her upstate to meet your parents you coward

Kids are sticky and smell like food they don’t have anymore. You can’t trust kids

We need a Hallmark movie where the boyfriends sisters neurotic dog climbs onto the girlfriends side of the bed first thing in the morning while she is visiting his family at Christmas for the first time

Vermont was lovely, thanks for asking…

We need a Hallmark Christmas movie where the protagonists father accidentally leaves the Turkey in the trunk of his car

I may not have any children but I fold up salvageable gift wrap for reuse like a mother