THE LORD OF THE RINGS: GIMLI'S NEW VAPE

tough job market for clowns what with all this and clowning increasingly being outsourced to AI

LORD OF THE RINGS: FRODO'S STRUGGLE TO CONNECT TO MICROSOFT TEAMS. NOT SURE IF IT'S JUST HIM OR IF IT'S AFFECTING EVERYONE IN THE SHIRE THIS MORNING

logging on

me describing wes streeting: imagine a face

LORD OF THE RINGS: THE QUEST FOR ARAGORN'S DHL PACKAGE. THE TRACKING SAID IT'S BEHIND THE BIN BUT THE BINS ARE COMMUNAL AND THERE'S A COMBINATION LOCK TO THE BIN AREA SO THERE'S NO WAY THE COURIER COULD HAVE PUT IT THERE. IT'S NOT AN EXPENSIVE ITEM BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT, ARAGORN WAITED IN ALL DAY

2 Gandalf 2 Breakfast

my back to work power move this week was rolling straight into a meeting where no-one could remember what we had agreed before breaking for christmas. so i just told them we'd agreed the things i want

loudly booing the absense of a christmas tree in our living room this morning. i hate this bit

Epiphany ‘The Wise Robin’ (1950) Artist: PB Hickling

Happy twelfth night everyone! It is still Christmas, and anyone who says different us weird and being weird. 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

this makes me very sad. all christmas gifts should be appreciated imo. also what kind of misery doesn't like candles

fuck off Amazon i will NEVER "ask Rufus", just fuck off

I've removed the paywall permanently from this piece, which is a chapter from my novel Villager, told entirely in the form of an online village message board. If you like it, you'll probably like the book. If you don't, you won't... www.tom-cox.com/the-village-...

it is important to keep christmas in your heart all the year round

counting my blessings that half of my team are based in eastern europe and refuse to come back to work until well after epiphany. quiet day ahead, nothing but respect for my christian orthodox comrades

i love christmas trees so much and it's gonna suck taking this excellent lad down tomorrow 😥 see you in december big man

finding it hard to watch Stranger Things knowing the actor who plays Hopper is a sex person

I say let them have a crack at it.

Got these Pub Mix “savoury cracker shapes” from my ex wife this year. Never seen them in a pub. An abstract snack that tastes like the essential concept of “biscuit” but nothing more. I think they must have nicotine in them cos I’m eating fistfuls

*accidentally strays into certain parts of Bluesky today*

perhaps i could design my own Peanut Butter Captain Crunch at home from first principles despite never having directly experienced it

[smiling, Britishly] Bran Flakes

was planning a lovely "last free day of christmas" sunday today but inevitably i've got the fucking plague and it's a washout. probably start the new work year pulling a sickie tomorrow 😥

another day, another main character Deletes His Post

we are a party of government, not a party of protest. to take principled moral stances on the pressing issues of the day would be unaffordable narcissistic indulgences, you fucking babies. vote Labour

so many of these companies with oil/oil adjacent interests in venezuela printed big green candles on friday lol

He’ll choose the most cowardly and embarrassing option so abstention *and* his trousers will fall down for some reason.

this mother fucker is inversing Love Actually

[hanging a pair of trousers in my wardrobe with full knowledge all my bank cards are in the back pocket] i'm definitely going to remember doing this

now we find out if the rest of the world does anything to stop a rogue state, run by narcissists, rich kids, attorneys & podcasters, treating anything or anyone they want like a piñata - i imagine Starmer is in a meeting now checking with his advisors on best way to avoid upsetting the Daily Mail

lovely dinner with my dad last night, he's on top form now he's retired. after about three hours of post-dinner fireside conversation (mostly anglo saxon stuff, his obsession) my girlfriend finally cracked and wailed "i can't take any more facts". she was making this exact face: 😩

cleaned out the dry goods cupboard, found gluten free pasta that expired late 2021, a relic of the Great Covid Pasta Crash which probably belongs in a museum

wow harsh

Visit to my dad’s and a stroll

slow cooking a beef shin and short rib ragu for the ages. this is going to absolutely slap

cramming stray dogs and cats into cramped wooden crates then keeping them in the dark. just to veal something

might go to bed tbh

please ban the word "populist", you know when someone uses it they're also liable to offer up such wisdom pellets as "hmm, yes, right and left, there's too much division, both the same in many ways"

atheists think the world was created by science, and yet scientists didn't even exist until around 200 years ago, give or take. they take us for fools

some mother fucker on radio 4 just said "liminal"

'Blue Jam had a languid quality with comforting received pronunciation accents. This is one of the reasons it took a while to acclimatise to it and to realise how deeply, existentially malignant it was' Quietus Best of 2025: Darran Anderson on Chris Morris’ Blue Jam buff.ly/wojVdQW

Fuck this is so relaxing

jesus CHRIST

It’s me, Mr Potato Head, having a nice time in Whitby

Brigitte Bardon’t