😱

everyone knows this is the funniest tweet

Look all I’m saying is we need to bring back the phrase “I shall prepare a feast in your honor” among friends. Big celebration? Feast. Small win? You get a feast. Literally just survived the day? Believe it or not, feast.

It’s nice to have a contemporary example of the death drive for educational purposes

Set lasers to stun to death

Hero shit

Baseball

Not that anything about deporting 100M people matters except the depravity of it, but that’d be the greatest logistical achievement in human history—and it would accomplish the same for the country as lighting the whole place on fire.

No shade on Mr Cat, but I won’t be showing that to anyone. I’ll be happy and untroubled when the wicked meet their demise, whether or not it’s fair game.

Milk and beef for my largest son Rictus Erectus

Bring cheeseburger

Baseball is the greatest

FTFY Sentence. Carriage return, carriage return. Sentence. Carriage return, carriage return. Sentence. Carriage return, carriage return. These people think their writing style is so badass and emphatic, when even their cadence is a cliche. I’m so sick and tired of this tired format.

Space elevator

Just gotta make it to November Just gotta make it to November Just gotta make it to November Just gotta make it to November Just gotta make it to November "Are you okay, man?" Yeah, I just gotta make it to November

Neat!

I’ve been talking about Alysa Liu’s story about her quitting skating only to come back and become even better because she did it for herself and this came to me in a dream…

Hear me out

this is all racism, obviously, and multiculturalism is great, but i'll note that i'm pretty close to being a median american, and i can't think of too many other people in america with whom i share fewer cultural values that elon musk

anyway let’s check in with keir starmer to see how “conceding to popular prejudice” is working our for the labour party

Why tho?

Let me on Rogan

Sometimes the wine mom posters craft a comedic gem

Next Superbowl halftime should include a recreation of the confederate surrender at Appomattox while Jefferson Davis flees the scene dressed as an old lady.

The people who thought Bad Bunny was divisive are, if anything, more incensed by “we are america,” in their terms it’s the most offensive and outrageous thing he could have said

This kind of smart, walkable, mixed-use urbanism is illegal to build in most American cities.

But they’re already finding more than 365/10,000,000 lost dogs per year—oh, I’m being told that’s about 0%

(Woody Allen eating a Da Bomb wing on Hot Ones) WOODY: Boy, that's like dating your first Gentile girl, there's a real sting to it. Wowee, that's hotter than a New York cab in August. Havin' flop sweat like after the Curse of the Jade Scorpion premiere. SEAN: Was it weird marrying your daughter?

‘I could care less what the name of an infrastructure project is. I care that it gets done.’

increasingly it seems that the most prescient spy movie of our time is burn after reading

Fuck ‘em up, Socrates (with alt text below)

I am done with collaborationist bullshit

Actual trad values have always been ‘boys will be boys’ and ‘all women are sluts’—ie, it’s all gender wheeeeeeeeeeee

Lifehack: make roasting vegetables a tedious chore

Here’s a free, easy tip for your next public speaking appearance. If you’re thinking about saying the following words, don’t: “I do not think that 50 year old men should be having sex with 16 year old girls. But…“

Yes. Banh mi op la in particular can cure any ailment.

Honestly a little proud of us

Sloppy Giuseppe: leftover pork ragu with a little extra tomato paste stirred in, covered with copious parm and served in a steamed bun

“Trump Shows Support For Amendment No. 2”

No political scientists in the Epstein files, multiple economists. These are facts.

congragulations

my heart absolutely breaks whenever i think of whitney

Getting off on the confusion of object & subject, literal infantile politics

They're gonna call it Stancilgrad

The people of Minnesota did that. Not Schumer and Jeffries, not Walz and Frey, not the standard-bearers of decorum. The People.

whats some good movies that involve a lot of nazis dying

Oooh they’re getting messy y’all. Minnesota did this 🫡