It’s all Greenland’s fault

Trump’s using the same tactics as the Ice King?!

“It’s 5:00 somewhere” It’s fucking 5:32 somewhere and 4:32 somewhere else, Joel

Bluesky: if you’re not going to give me the edit function in my text, can I at LEAST retroactively add alt text to my images??

This ratings system is dumb

-Billionaires don’t pay taxes -The rest of us do -Billionaires AND the rest of us are, together, paying for the ballroom How fucking fancy is this thing I’ll never see?? I’d love to see it, but that’d ruin the whole “I’ll never see it” appeal. Totally worth the false flag.

Gun control? Best I can do is pardoning Ghislaine Maxwell

Trump may not be Jesus, but this person is surely a prophet!0

youtube.com/shorts/MDAvb... A: to prevent gun violence, silly billy!

I just woke up to the news about the WHCD. I guess the president delivered a really good joke? I’m looking further into it.

Wake up, sleepyhead (WIP)

“Let he who is without sin cast the first—ow! Mom, what the fuck??”

1. Ruin democracy 2. Ten years later, piss pants youtu.be/b6t06UqNgU8?...

I’m just gonna post the phrase “Ghislaine Maxwell USB drive” every day to make sure the White House doesn’t flood the zone so hard that we overlook the BLATANTLY disgusting pardon that’s about to happen—they won’t call it a “pardon” but it will be a fucking pardon.

If nobody buys that mac and cheese I’ll scream

Old Man McGucket vs. Tom Bombadil

He’s been holding onto the 2020 election for six years Never talks about THIS.

It’s like the writers of The Boys saw the feud with the Pope coming 🤣

Which two should I paint?

If you see this. Quote with a picture of you in glasses. They’re four days old. The inside of the bow is inscribed with a personal mantra 🕉️

Googling how to flood Truth Social with Epstein bots

Hilarious

Iran is now closing the Strait because we’re closing the Strait? This is getting so confusing. Can someone just get this maniac 25th amendmented and in a strait (sic) jacket already?

“…and on the wall was a lowercase letter t with a doctor nailed to it.”

Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastard

I went to one of those “I want my foreskin back” protests and actually gave the guys their real foreskins. Took decades. They got weird when I handed them what they thought was raw calamari. One started eating his before I stopped him. These dudes are WEIRD—and ungrateful.

It means screaming threats and then telling the public things are going well while the quote-unquote enemy is like “no it’s not” and I believe them more than I believe the White House and that’s just normal now.

I hope we keep his name on the Kennedy center et al. Just to remind us all to never let this happen again.

We’re all gonna feel so silly when we remember that reality has a safe word and everything will go back to normal as soon as we remember it.

I just found out John Lithgow is the new Dumbledore When does the nightmare end? 😔

Pizza Movie is an unexpected gem youtu.be/3jQeZhveYoI?...

The new episode of Invincible was so disrespectful to my intelligence that I suddenly remembered that I gave Bezos money in order to watch it. Fuck this, I’m watching the Boys—OH WAIT.

1 Fast 1 Furious

🌮

@netflix.com saw this graph and was like “cancel it”

Every early MCU movie was about an internal conflict. The villain was a business partner, coworker, or family member. Avengers: Internal Squabble

Turns out some spam callers actually get pretty justifiably terrified if you answer the phone with 0% filter.