The guy who wins the Turkey Trot 5k has big “but teacher you forgot to assign homework” energy

i have the next 12 hours of my day micro-planned by 5 minute increments. lord help me 😭😂

if you play your Dad a kickass 70s playlist on the drive from the airport, you just might get him to unlock a ton of memories he has from college of him & your Mom & he just might happily yap your ear off the entire drive 🥰

This also would have gone so hard on Mormon Twitter.

Japanese drugstore haul 😍🥰

i found strawberries during the great strawberry shortage of 2025! my million dollar honey lime fruit salad is living up to its name

i’m not opposed to Mac & Cheese, but it’s not a traditional Thanksgiving dish in my fam. and ham is for Easter or Christmas Eve imo. so i already do without those on Thanksgiving but where are the sweet potatoes?! it’s not thanksgiving without sweet potatoes

are there any quintessential Thanksgiving movies? accepting family friendly and grown ups only suggestions :)

what do you mean you don’t like Thanksgiving food? has nobody ever made you a proper open faced turkey sandwich with all the leftovers?!

my latest vocal stim is from the lesbian stud funeral singer: “1…2…123 release em” 🔂

Megyn Kelly Anxiously Waits For Everyone Else To Start Condoning Pedophilia Too

Mamdani charmed Trump

I’ve been thinking and it’s kind of exceptional that not a single person said “Hey now” after the piggy comment.

“Quiet, Piggy” would be fitting for his tombstone.

if someone called my colleague “piggy”, there’s a 0% chance i would keep my mouth shut

Family Enters Crisis Talks After Learning Restaurant Has 45-Minute Wait http://theonion.com/family-enters-crisis-talks-after-learning-restaurant-ha-1819577952/

Going out to lunch in SLC tomorrow. What's an underrated spot that doesn't cost an arm and a leg?

excellent news (again):

Zara Larsson has ex-cheerleader energy in the best way

why are they trying to rebrand Michael Jackson posthumously and who is behind it?

puppy yoga would heal me

previously when i’ve had traumatic things happen and it impacts my sleep it’s because i have nightmares about it, since the fire that woke me from my sleep earlier this week my sleep has been shitty because i startle awake thinking a fire is happening irl (as opposed to having a nightmare about it)

if i respond with a 7 paragraph answer when you text me “how are you?”, just know that you’re in the trust tree 🌳

i’m out of the loop—why is everyone saying Trump blew Clinton? it’s just shit posting right?

and who would’ve guessed 5 days later, i would be awakened by a fireball RIGHT NEXT TO MY HEAD and would have to go to the ER and then transferred to a burn unit after putting the fire out with whatever blankets i could find. i’m going to be ok, but DAMM. smoke detector worked though

my mom loves to use pics of me with no makeup on for her lock screen 😏

has someone converted the Epstein files into one ginormous searchable document? i would like to search the document for a few key words, but i don’t want to download a bajillion links to do so

did i leave anyone’s fav Thanksgiving dish off the menu?

Important to remember!!! 👇👇

The Epstein files are clearly more damning than we assumed, which is saying something.

A normal reaction to today's news, dear Nancy, would be to express shock and horror at the significant possibility that the president of the United States is a child molester.

one thing i hate is when the president is a pedophile

Actually, the phrase "not at this moment in time" is Leavitt-speak for Oh, hell yes.

"at this time"? There it is.

what’s crazy is that it’s such a softball question. the answer *should be* a flat out, simple “no”

it takes working with a HORRIBLE contractor to realize just how amazing past contractor were. i was so spoiled and had noooo idea

i don’t believe this is real

This Veep Black Mirror crossover is awful.

Some of these places offering Veterans Day “deals” for Veterans are so chintzy, it would be better if they offered nothing at all

Walmart assures me that a Thanksgiving dinner is cheaper than ever, provided I'm willing to switch to eating seagull with no sides, so who's laughing now?

i hate him. my thoughts are with his victims

Sharing this again. ❤️ giveahand.com/fundraiser/h...

THEP Thai took the crispy duck salad off the menu 😭 whyyyyyyyyy 💔

Medicaid Work Requirements Myth Vs. Fact https://theonion.com/medicaid-work-requirements-myth-vs-fact/

Norman Rockwell Family Protests Trump’s Misuse of His Work to Promote Racist Agenda dianeravitch.net/2025/11/10/n...

any chance it won’t pass the House???

so are protections for people with preexisting conditions gone?

i just passed a kidney stone if you even care