I just received my 3rd jury summons. I'm not best pleased tbqmfh.

@ a pt (in my head): Please sign your emails. Please don't make me check every pt with your first name to see if your email address matches in an effort to figure out who you are. Emailing back "who dis" would be super unprofessional and I don't wanna. #PatienceForPatients

Reminder to do your laundry before the storm hits

This hot new look brought to you by the fact that I'm old enough to need reading glasses while operating power tools, to know that glasses alone are not proper ppe, and to actually use the recommended protective gear.

there's always that one mutual that never really interacts directly with you but they will always like your stuff and you will communicate with each other through the silent like button but never really exchanged any words. i see you moot. i wish you well. smooch

Hey baby, are you data? Bc I can't wait to see you spread on my sheets 👉😎👉

Sent via app.finchcare.com

Nah, I'm gonna stir decisively and pull an all-nighter and you ain't big enough to stop me

“Muppet Dracula with Deadly as Dracula” do u hear yourself. That’s a Gonzo role. The chickens are the brides. Get your head in the game.

If you see this, WE IMPLORE YOU to post a picture from whatever device you’re using without explanation.

I really appreciate SJM's portrayal of healthy and supportive same-sex friendships that are def not gay, in any way, even a little bit

I searched "flush butt hinges" today

You will be visited by 3 spirits

I love my traumagotchi

Does drinking holy water make you toxic to vampires? If you spritz it on, how long does it remain reactive? What's the half life (pun intended) of the blessing of whatever religion?

Felt cute af today

Fanfic is great

MOM: *pulls first rodeo out of my backpack* what the hell is this ME: it-it's not mine i swear

Yesterday I discovered that I had an entire plastic grocery bag rolled up into one of the caster wells on my desk chair and Idk how long I've just been scooting around *harder* while quietly assuming that the problem was me and that just fractally zoomed out into a commentary on my whole everything

Things I said out loud to my dog this week: "I checked with the USDA and you are 100% certified Good Girl. You are also 100% certified Angus beef, which makes no sense."

I love y'all!

My sister @DysDraught & her platonic life-partner made me watch Conclave hoping I could convince all of my friends to join the fandom so they can watch the old man yaoi fics roll in. Ly said poly gets bonus points (we're related). So, anyone interested in a great thriller about picking the pope?

Yesterday I had my 3rd follow-up with my neurosurgeon and I'm released! I can lift things and drive as far as I like. Brace yourselves.

Yesterday I called a patient to update his card and he couldn't find his wallet. Then he said, "let me ask the boss." I thought he was going to ask his boss if they had seen it, so I started laughing when his next words were, "honey have you seen my wallet?" 😂❤️

Little buddy right outside the window this morning 😍 #squirrel

Can I join them?

{Rich southern white lady accent} Well! My Halloween decorations are ✨organic✨

I'll say what we're all thinking: the TV dinners with the steamer baskets are a gimmick that makes little sense. If it was just the vegetables in the steamer I could understand that, but why have everything kept out of the sauce? It's a lot of plastic and precious freezer real estate and it's silly.

Our charting system has been down since 9:00 am. This is the system that allows us to schedule, view charts, and prescribe. Basically, all I can do is answer the phones and take notes. On paper. In such a way that doesn't violate any hippos.

My teeshirt says "I read past my bedtime" which explains the dark circles under my eyes lol. Also: this summer it hurt to hold my arms up for long, so I wasn't always able to brush my hair while it was wet. I learned that my hair isn't as straight as I thought. Which is a theme for me, apparently.

I expended conscious effort to incorporate greetings and sign-offs into my phone script so it really hurts my feelings when patients ignore me or don't wait for me to respond in kind before hanging up

Hindsight is 20-20, but I really think they should have taken Maxwell's silver hammer away before the trial.

I get that sitting is bad for you, but every time I see a standing desk, my knees recoil in retail-&-food-service bafflement. A knee-jerk reaction, if you will.

I wish more phones had the charging port in the top. I miss being able to charge with my phone propped up on its bottom edge. And I'm never gonna be over the headphone jacks going away after it took so long to get them.

I'm now permitted to lift up to 15 lbs!

Does anyone else feel compelled to show their dog whatever was on them to explain why you told them to hold still? Just me?

Tmw you realize that John Denver was geologically correct when he said that the Appalachians were older than the trees. They are older than any tree, ever. Bc trees hadn't evolved yet when those mountains were raised.

the word “sloppycat” just popped into my head for people who try to ape actual specific human work using slop generators please feel free to use it

Sometimes we’re unsatisfied with a thing we made because when it only existed in our head, we saw all the things it could have been and when it’s done we know all the things that it isn’t, but we can’t see the way it expands into a million new things when someone else unpacks it in their head. 🖊️🦑

There was a candlelight memorial for Joann Fabrics set up at one of the swap spots at DragonCon. It was almost too much. I just got up the nerve to delete the app last week.

"This isn't the ending I wanted!" Okay. Cool. This is exactly what fanfic is for. Go! Be free! Run wild across the adjective plains, adverbs whipping through your hair.

I'm in a panel and Scott Lynch is on it and I just read The Lies Of Locke Lamora last month 🗡️🥸

I just taught the dogs about slap bracelets 🤩

WEAR YOUR FAVORITE SHINY THING.

A pupkin spice latte! [ #art #cuteart ]