Me (being caught in bed with an optical illusion): it’s not what it looks like.

Oof lol yep

The neighbors have been having work done on their roof. My doghter has mostly ignored the workers, but bayed to alert me to the fact that there is... a foreign trash bag in their backyard. It's the same one she bayed about last night. I'm super informed.🤦🏻❤️🐶

You've heard of Moral Orel, now get ready for Methyl Ethyl

heated chivalry

The party don't start 'til I escape from my restraints

Things to do if you're stuck inside by inclement weather: - crochet - dust off your Ouija Board and summon a party demon - crochet two hats, one for you and one for your new best friend the party demon

Seriously considering going to the other Taco Bell because I don't want the Taco Bells to know how often I eat them

NASA just dropped this image of Artemis II astronaut Christina Koch looking back at us. The first woman to ever see our planet in its entirety. I’m not crying you’re crying 🥹🔭🧪 📸: NASA

Our horse In the middle of our street Our horse It is cake he wants to eat

I've only received one donation It's causing me some consternation I hope y'all are still down For it will make me frown To bring Pie home from vacation

This is very cool, but my brain read it like the Barenaked Ladies were singing it and that makes it feel even cooler

When you realize con is only a week away...!!!!

I've left it late this year But I'm still making Pie, never fear So if you think You'd like a drink Feel free to toss money right here >>https://www.paypal.com/pool/9nVo85wNzK?sr=accr #221bCon #221bCon2026

I just almost put ritz crackers in my coffee instead of my soup so that's how my Friday is going

I'm not here to kinkshame anyone but some days it seems like the entire community of geologists are out here trying to date rocks

I heard there was a secret cord that David kept in his cable hoard but he can never find it when he needs it

All of the books I had on hold on the Libby app came available at the same time and I

I definitely could have done a better job editing the video, but listen: I have been so stressed out about this for months. It was a lot easier to be stressed out about this than anything else in the world, so I'm weirdly grateful for the distraction. But still. I can pause the music again.

Thank you, Android Auto 🥲

I just received my 3rd jury summons. I'm not best pleased tbqmfh.

@ a pt (in my head): Please sign your emails. Please don't make me check every pt with your first name to see if your email address matches in an effort to figure out who you are. Emailing back "who dis" would be super unprofessional and I don't wanna. #PatienceForPatients

Reminder to do your laundry before the storm hits

This hot new look brought to you by the fact that I'm old enough to need reading glasses while operating power tools, to know that glasses alone are not proper ppe, and to actually use the recommended protective gear.

there's always that one mutual that never really interacts directly with you but they will always like your stuff and you will communicate with each other through the silent like button but never really exchanged any words. i see you moot. i wish you well. smooch

Hey baby, are you data? Bc I can't wait to see you spread on my sheets 👉😎👉

Sent via app.finchcare.com

Nah, I'm gonna stir decisively and pull an all-nighter and you ain't big enough to stop me

“Muppet Dracula with Deadly as Dracula” do u hear yourself. That’s a Gonzo role. The chickens are the brides. Get your head in the game.

If you see this, WE IMPLORE YOU to post a picture from whatever device you’re using without explanation.

I really appreciate SJM's portrayal of healthy and supportive same-sex friendships that are def not gay, in any way, even a little bit

I searched "flush butt hinges" today

You will be visited by 3 spirits

I love my traumagotchi

Does drinking holy water make you toxic to vampires? If you spritz it on, how long does it remain reactive? What's the half life (pun intended) of the blessing of whatever religion?

Felt cute af today

Fanfic is great

MOM: *pulls first rodeo out of my backpack* what the hell is this ME: it-it's not mine i swear

Yesterday I discovered that I had an entire plastic grocery bag rolled up into one of the caster wells on my desk chair and Idk how long I've just been scooting around *harder* while quietly assuming that the problem was me and that just fractally zoomed out into a commentary on my whole everything

Things I said out loud to my dog this week: "I checked with the USDA and you are 100% certified Good Girl. You are also 100% certified Angus beef, which makes no sense."

I love y'all!

My sister @DysDraught & her platonic life-partner made me watch Conclave hoping I could convince all of my friends to join the fandom so they can watch the old man yaoi fics roll in. Ly said poly gets bonus points (we're related). So, anyone interested in a great thriller about picking the pope?

Yesterday I had my 3rd follow-up with my neurosurgeon and I'm released! I can lift things and drive as far as I like. Brace yourselves.

Yesterday I called a patient to update his card and he couldn't find his wallet. Then he said, "let me ask the boss." I thought he was going to ask his boss if they had seen it, so I started laughing when his next words were, "honey have you seen my wallet?" 😂❤️

Little buddy right outside the window this morning 😍 #squirrel

Can I join them?

{Rich southern white lady accent} Well! My Halloween decorations are ✨organic✨