I'm bad at posting, have a nice nature picture

Aunties really do be in gangs nowadays

Crazy how the only way I was able to get Vyvance without calling 80 pharmacies was to have a nationwide cyber attack take out e-script services for the fucking nation

I have a nice hat sometimes

Making calzones at 3am because I went to bed too early and missed dinner but this will also be breakfast

I'm going to intentionally mispell the names of people I don't like because I want to and can

The security guard for my office building and I both agree we should be paid a full salary just for existing

I told a snob to stfu using his own language and someone gave me an steam award and it made my day

Really wishing the tower defense genre didn't die with the gem craft flash games

From here on out I promise to stop masking the unhinged nonsense I get the urge to say on an hourly basis and I will be subjecting the general public to every inch of my neurodivergency

This is a golden dad joke, one in a million

It makes me so happy XKCD has made it's way to bluesky

This is what the world needs please make these mainstream in the US

Don't let anyone ever tell you that the human race doesn't innovate any more.

On vacation visiting family and I'm telling my grandparents I'm meeting my friend and his fiance for coffee and muffins and having to research coffee shops nearby to show them where we are meeting because I can't tell them that, in fact they are taking turns riding my dick

Literally want a boyfriend for the sole purpose of having a roommate I can stand

Found this gem I made ages ago, had to scroll through 80billion nudes to find it

Re-Skeet with blue stuff or else you are in fact a dirty rock licker

I'm genuinely wondering how half my team can read a single line task description in JIRA and magically know what the fuck is going on and I have never felt stupider in my life

Convinced bot accounts will auto like posts that mention certain key-works So have a nondescript anecdote about cats and dogs while I test out this theory

My co worker was laughing at all the tricks I use to get dogs and cats to eat their food when they lick their own butts and I debated saying "well eating ass is a thing" and before I could say it he saw the look on my face and said "their OWN butts to clean them" and I think I like my place of work

I hate forgetting my Adderall because on days I'm in-office it just consigns me to getting nothing done

Sometimes I look at what people post and think "man this must be a shit post" but then they just... ...keep going

2019, Anthrocon, I met Benjamin Diskin, VA for Haida, in passing and snagged a photo. The humidity in Pittsburg was a static 100 and the sweat had plastered my hair down my forehead into this stringy mess and I will never live down the embarrassment. Another reason I'm glad I started shaving my hair

My co worker in his 60s was like "young people are all so stressed out" and I'm like YEAH THE FUCK WE ARE LOOK AT THE ECONOMY

Normalize leaving one star reviews for big business that plays christmas music before december

This whole week at work has been me discovering issues with the products we use and having to hand the fucking wheel to Jesus

Feeling very daddy today

My toxic trait is I periodically check in on the people who hurt me in the past and scoff at their lives falling apart. And yes it 100% makes me feel better knowing that their own shit behaviour keeps catching up to them over and over again.

Watching my friends play Baldur's Gate 3 has made me realize everyone I know is a horny degenerate I'm just the only one who is public about it 😂

Work vibes

Bald bitches never know their ramp

I'm having a really hard fucking day today and I just wish I could watch a 30 second ad to skip it

CHEBA HUT be wildin

This is the kind of extra dimensional space creature I wish to be

Is it really worth it?

Don't trust a MFer who drinks Truly's they are never up to any good

My bluesky is half interacting with my favorite authors and half posting NSFW content and Im worried I'm perched on the knifes edge of breaking the ALGORYTHM

Going to space brb

it’s a big day for small dogs who want to live on Mars for 10 hours and then die

I'm going to get an "I'm the cum man" shirt bereft of a wife and footprints and just rock it as a solo shirt

Tucked in my shirt because I wanted to look straighter only to be informed the gays had co-opted tucked shirts ages ago.

🐌🦈🕳️ Part of your balanced breakfast 🕳️🦈🐌

"is that a warner brothers hat?" Asked my co worker today

Normalize making out with friends👏

I needed a bookmark, so I made one.