well, bank, MY personal interest rate in all these costs is 0%!!!!!!!!

“Lizza? Nuzzi? Now IZZY? Boy, hope they don’t run out of z’s…” -my new character, guy who thinks that’s how things work

I don’t want to write a third bluesky post about Felching. That’s not what today is about

Happy thanksgiving to everyone. I am grateful that in order to learn that a sitting president faked his assassination attempt I had to pass the first challenge of learning what Felching is

@mattielubchansky.com I saw that you saw The Way We Were and so I wanted to let you know that I sang its title song at the seventh grade talent show

Sure I’ll tell you if the president faked his own assassination attempt — but at a price. Pull up google, type in the word “felching”…

arthritis runs in my family... and it's the only thing that can! haha - hope you are all having a great day. signing off

It gets crazier - Zohran Mamdani was 9 during 9/11. that's the first number of 9/11 -- another part of radical jihad plan?

Ah it looks like Dick Cheney went hunting with himself

If you lived in a trash can wouldn’t you be a grouch too?? Anyway that’s what I think is going on with my neighbor Chris

Best piece I’ve read about OBAA yet. Links our homie Christ with Benicio del Toro’s Sensei Sergio (the ❤️ of the film) AND Ta-Nehisi Coates’ vital perspective from his interview w Ezra Klein a couple wks ago. THIS IS HOW WE DO IT!! Please read this. bsky.app/profile/sojo...

It’s penis size

DEMS: "why losing every election might just be the way to win"

I'm thrilled to be Co-Runner & (1/3) writer of TREEHOUSE OF HORROR XXXVI, alongside brilliant writers @dangreaney.bsky.social @brotigupta.bsky.social, super-talented director Matt Faughnan and his team, and the great @kartoonistkelly.bsky.social (aka @wardsutton.bsky.social) Tonight at 8 on Fox!

Please purchase one of these BEFORE TOMORROW AT 8 PM to watch The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror XXXVI (pronounced IKSIKSIKSVEE). I wrote one of the segments which was a dream come true!!!!!!!!!!!!! On Monday you can return the TV

Zohran mamdani how would you handle the groundhog on Groundhog Day. And why haven’t you thought about it. It sounds like that means you would kill it - which is exactly what Hamas would do to the groundhog on Groundhog Day

I had the time of my life writing a segment for this, co-run by the wonderful Mike Price!!!!

ultimately frankenstein is also frankenstein's monster. due to the nightmare of "THE SELF"

Is space easier to provide service for than Los Angeles

so much of the american experience is being on hold with pharmacies for so long you decide it might just be easier to die

(person who doesn't really get what chimps are) jane goodall, you finally live with the chimps now ❤️

from the twisted mind that brought us "Brunchausen by Loxy", (@nanglish.bsky.social) comes a new episode, "Keep Chalm and Gary On" !!!!

“5:40 am. The perfect time to hone those communication skills” -the baby

been a while since i've heard of a new stereotype so here goes: all women have arthritis!

you guys aren't gonna believe this... they cancelled kimmel again because the FCC found out he isn't the carpool karaoke guy

i love the espresso because it looks like it could taste like chocolate but instead it tastes like stomach acid

criminals in DC? yeah, they live at friggen 1600 Pennsylvania Ave...........

pay no attention to the attached images I AM SELLING TEN MACBOOK PROS 600 DOLLARS EACH

say no more. im in

I have studied the targeting of journalists for many years, but the scale and public display of these killings is truly shocking: “Israel admits deliberate attack on the journalist, known for frontline coverage, in a strike on a tent outside al-Shifa hospital“ www.theguardian.com/world/2025/a...

This man wants a pierogi so bad you'd think it was a 14 year old girl

please donate here!!! please help feed the palestinian babies being starved and murdered with our taxes: chuffed.org/project/1142...

Inspirational movie coach speech to me after I win the big game:

Peeing my pants would wake me up immediately. This - among other things - is an example of the differences between myself and my infant aon

The following is a statement from the Writers Guild of America East (WGAE) and Writers Guild of America West (WGAW) on Paramount’s Decision to Cancel “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert”.

Sure the Coldplay couple should have played it cool then but that’s in the past. I say they go to a second concert and play it cool now

So basically now is the perfect time to pitch a bad guy named Sir Cumcision

Had a nightmare the baby’s first word was “Soon.”

Hey man, happy 40th birthday!!! Are you still meeting your weekly milestones?

Miss Rachel continues to have more of a moral backbone than 99% of public figures

Mr. Mamdani it says right here in your fifth grade MASH document that you were to live in a mansion, your wife was to be avril lavigne, your job was to be something called a "spider kisser",

linda yaccarino roaming the streets, looking for the global town square, weeping, whispering "it is all was happening on X", dunking a basketball for some reason

Hey at least that Time Machine to stop Hitler doesn’t have to go back as far

DEMOCRATIC PLATFORM: MAKE REPUBLICANS PAY THE PRICE BY PAYING THE PRICE

“Mr. Trump sir, the only thing that is Big and Beautiful here is your incredible penis”

Hosting Jeopardy is the greatest scheme.. you make everyone else ask the questions so it seems like you know all the answers…

Sorry but this is the only “Bryan Johnson, Live-r King” I recognize

YOU!!! BROWN MUSLIM GUY!!! TURN THE FUCK AROUND AND PROVE YOU ARENT RACIST!!!! Why is it that I think you’re racist? The answer may surprise you…

Subway Takes this, Subway Takes that…when will Subway Gives?