WHY ARE THESE FUCKING CREEPY WEIRDOS WORRIED ABOUT TEENAGE SPERM COUNTS

AOC has just officially become the top House fundraiser, beating out Hakeem Jeffries. Now lemme take a big sip of coffee as I look at the age distribution of donors to AOC vs Jeffries

I'm not gonna lie, naming the current White House budget director after the evil corporation in "The Boys" was a bit on the nose.

I am so out of the loop on kids stuff because I don't have kids, and my gods it kicks ass. Wtf is a laboobo? Is 67 just a lame 69? I don't know, and I don't care. I'm busy drinking and getting laid, and watching tv shows from the 80s 🍻

Ernest Hemingway writes at an eighth grade level and is one of the dullest authors in American literature.

Things that don't matter the instant you graduate from college: Your GPA. Literally everything else about your college other than that they gave you a degree.

October 13th: first Christmas commercial observed.

Christopher Columbus wasn't Italian. Italy didn't exist. He was born in the Genoese Republic and served the crown of Spain. Thanks for coming to my yearly TEDtalk.

#SaveTheCrew was one of the biggest things I've ever been part of. Getting back together tonight with some of the extraordinarily talented people who were involved was good times. I will never forget these lads and lasses. We did a thing that will forever be part of soccer history on America. Cool.

#SaveTheCrew party 2K25 😤😤😤

Happy #SaveTheCrew day to all who celebrate. Biggest win in league history.

This game, especially toward the end, has the feel of a game that matters to both teams rather then a bog-standard friendly. #usmnt

How horrible, all Americans having representation in Congress and having access to reproductive healthcare. What a nightmare.

I'm calling the 4th position "the Anthony Precourt." #Crew96

Big shout out to Barrel and Bloom for the helpful guide.

The Dispatch just raised my subscription by $5 a month (despite laying off another batch of hardworking journalists). So I cancelled my Dispatch subscription and invested in The Disrespected. This was a great column to begin my experience. #Crew96

all of this is fanfic. the novelists, the obscure films, Travis being a shallow empty meathead. you don't know any of that. you wrote a whole story in your head about people you do not know and will never meet

The Griswolds are getting into Halloween this year.

It's almost like it's not a formal organization but rather a general political position.

So, idiot Mike DeWine killed hemp-derived THC sales in Ohio for 90 days. You can still order from Cycling Frog online, they're currently doing a 20% discount for Sober October.

The fascist dickhead in the Oval Office is ruining one of the biggest sporting events in the US in the past 30 years.

I'm antifa. Go fuck yourself, Kristi Noem. Go fuck yourself, Donald Trump.

Patrick Mahomes had a perfect hat trick tonight (passing TD, rushing TD, pick six). #ChiefsKingdom

Has nobody ever told Trevor Lawrence that it's a terrible idea to try to reach the ball over the pile into the end zone? That's like Football 101. #ChiefsKingdom

I'm excited for the start of the Derrick Jones era. #Crew96

Well, if Nagbe's gonna hang 'em up, this #Crew96 team only has one choice about how to handle the playoffs:

Next year we will have one (1) Rudy Camacho and zero (0) Darlington Nagbes. Super. #Crew96

#Crew96 with one win out of the last nine. Not good enough.

Arf has to finish these chances. Killing the team. #Crew96

First-year Hugo Picard is like the attacking version of first-year Aidan Morris. Tons of energy, constantly running, but barely under control. If he gets a handle on his shit, he'll be dangerous. #Crew96

Announcer: "Daniel Gazdag is being readied." Me: "Oh yay." #Crew96

Picard looked better in that 45 than Gazdag has in any 45. #Crew96

God dammit Pat. #Crew96

Wait. Orlando still does the YSA chant at opposing goalkeepers? How embarrassing for them. #Crew96

Not a yellow. But Rivas gonna Rivas. #Crew96

Is the #Crew96 match feed glitchy for anyone else?

PUERTO 👏 RICANS 👏 ARE 👏 AMERICANS 👏

How many "fusion" restaurants are just "hey, let's wrap our native cuisine in a tortilla"?

COVID and flu vaccines on board. My cell phone service hasn't improved and I'm not suddenly neurodivergent... what the hell? Did I get a placebo?

Yo @bsky.app how does it feel to know that Pornhub is more willing to stand up against this nonsense than you are?

SUCK SHIT AUSTIN FC HAHAHA

This is why we fund scientists to study things like oyster slobber even if you don’t think it sounds important

It should come from the cops’ pension fund. Until they start feeling the pain, nothing will change.

I understand today is the day all the nanny nonsense happens here in Ohio, so I went ahead and turned off my VPN to see what happened when I went to social media and adult-focused sites. So far, nothing for me? By which I mean I can access them all without a problem. Huh. Still will use a VPN though

Wait. The bluesky isn't falling on Age Verification Day? 😱

The alleged shooter in Michigan. Weird that Vance and Patel haven’t tweeted out this info. 🤷🏽‍♂️👇🏽 www.usatoday.com/story/news/n...

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Cities need to start doing this. ICE, National Guard, whatever. If they're invading our cities and attacking our residents, investigate them. Arrest them. Charge them. Convict them.

I'm a bad fan. #ChiefsKingdom

I like logic puzzles, but this is a pain in the ass lol I solved the daily Clues by Sam (Sep 28th 2025) in less than 25 minutes 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟨 🟨🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 cluesbysam.com