It's fascinating how in real life huge stories just don't have an ending at all. Remember the Boeing scandal? Planes falling apart? Dead whistleblowers? Was there some kind of resolution to it? Is it all fine now? It's like a plot that's just an endless series of inciting incidents

Hades II absolutely whips ass. I feel bad for the devs who pushed back their own releases to avoid launching against Hollow Knight only to have to contend with this.

OH IT DOESN'T WORK WHAT A FUCKING SHOCK IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD TOLD YOU THAT

The fact that San Antonio now has a Burger Boy that isn't the Burger Boy that I loved back in College Station and a Fatburger that isn't the Fatburger that I loved back in College Station irritates the piss out of me, and I can't put my finger on why.

I told my twins that if I die they should Weekend at Bernie's me on a ferry to the Isle of Wight and push me off, to save on a funeral. They shared this in a primary school class on animal lifecycles. Cue concerned WhatsApp voice note from their teacher.

I've been seeing more Cybertrucks on the road lately, and this image pops into my brain every time I see one. Every. Single. Time.

I simultaneously want and don't want to know what a "sex maze" is. My best current theory is that it's like a huge Pac-Man level with one woman fleeing a gangbang.

I wrote this five years ago and it has remained valid through Year 23.

@nextlander.com Probably heard it a gazillion times by now, but the "that aside, how was the soup?" thing is probably a misremembered version of, "all that aside, Mrs. Lincoln, what'd you think of the play?"

With the AJC dropping its print edition, I feel compelled to share one of the greatest moments in print design history

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTBAAAAAAAAALLLLLL It's about goddamned time!

It is INFURIATING when you get mostly through a video game only to find you've been totally neglecting an easily-missed mechanic that REQUIRES you to BUILD RELATIONSHIPS with other characters in order to get the BEST OUTCOME because this is also what happened to me in REAL LIFE

Can’t believe Neil Young outlived him. I always assumed it would be… (puts on sunglasses) ..Neil before Zod.

Why do I picture the "automatic butt ejector" just launching a lit cigarette stub across the room and into the laundry hamper? I mean, hell, you might as well just smoke the cigarette directly in bed, save yourself the three bucks. (picture from History Addicts, on Facebook)

When Ozzy Osbourne played the Guardian of Metal in Brütal Legend.

Hauling this bitch up the stairs is gonna be a grand time, I'm sure. Pray for me.

Damn, Edgar Wright seems to have split the difference between the original, grim-ass text and the classic goofy Schwarzenegger movie. I don't envy that dude who's playing the host, though. How the hell's anyone supposed to measure up to Richard Dawson? youtu.be/KD18ddeFuyM?...

NONREG NEWSNET: Morrissey Denies Thousands of Stockholmers Three Hours of Their Own Syndrome www.nme.com/news/music/m...

I’m trapped on incel TikTok

whooooooooooops

keep hearing this in meatwad's voice

It's depressing how many people seem to have gotten pissed at Blue Prince because they don't know what an antechamber is. Also, what kind of schmuck complains about RNG in a roguelike/roguelite? Whatever you do, dummy, don't play Windows Solitaire, you'd have a nervous breakdown.

LOL Talking about Blue Prince makes you sound even crazier than talking about Balatro.

I want to see a cooking competition show where fifty TV celebrity chefs and foodie YouTubers have to make their own recipes using only electric ovens and ranges. No gas. Proposed title: "FUCKING SHIT: GODDAMMIT, ALL MY SHIT IS FUCKING BURNING."

The Devilspawn just abruptly turned to look at the Echo Show in the kitchen. "You okay, kiddo?" "Just looking to see what this song is, so I can add it to my Spotify playlist." "That's 'Paranoid Android' by Radiohead." "Thanks, Dad!" Moments like these feel incredible.

Actually kinda surprised I didn't wake up this morning to learn that the United States is going to war with Mexico over "Nueve-Once."

Current status: watching 14yo daughter and her friends bowl, and they're throwing away more balls than a veterinarian's office. Dear God.

Saw this on the way back to work from lunch and decided that a picture would be worth paying a traffic ticket, if need be.

CRIME SCENE EXAMINER: ... so clearly, this is where the victim went unconchas.

... ¿Por qué no los dos?

Carl Sagan on Astrology

Never understood the appeal of silver dollar pancakes, and I certainly don't get the thinking behind them. "Hold on, everybody, I got a galaxy-brain idea. Hear me out, now: pancakes, but tiny, and you gotta flip thirty of the motherfuckers instead of six."

I bought snacks specifically to eat while I stand in front of the open fridge and decide what actual snacks I want. Been doing it for weeks and it's only just hit me that it's weird.

I have one wolf. It always wants savory. It ate the other wolf. Because savory.

Gotta say: Pope Francis extending a papal middle finger to J.D. Vance and then promptly going belly up is an all-time mic drop.

@sickoscommittee.org I... don't hate this? www.tiktok.com/t/ZTj21X46r/

There’s a tornado warning for the Texas town with the world’s largest knife, and baby, I wanna see some results

The Transfer Portal is open?

This quote neatly summarizes most of my adult life. If "Abysmal Foresight" and "Catastrophizing" were Olympic events (winter, not summer, please), I'd end up on a Wheaties box.

You know you're in a puro part of town when you see a taqueria advertising tripas, cabeza, and lengua in huge, permanent lettering on the side of the building.

"#1"? It's a graveyard, not a taqueria, for crying out loud. I'm gonna call these people and ask them who I need to talk to if I'm interested in opening an Our Lady of Perpetual Help Cemetery franchise of my own.

@sickoscommittee.org VMI = Victory Made Inevitable?

A new bar opened up near me. I complimented the new owner, telling him he'd made a much nicer job of the place than the previous dickhead. He told me that was him as well, and he'd just had a refurb and changed the name. Drank up and left quietly.

Everybody likes to talk about how we unsweetened black coffee drinkers are psychopaths but nobody ever says a goddamn thing about the maniacs who like their bacon burnt all to fucking shit.

There are 32m small businesses in the USA