✅ Riggy ✅ the cricket

Marnus Labuschagne has one of the most severe cases of 19th Century Chimney Sweep Face I’ve ever seen

Always shocked about how early the letter Q appears in the alphabet

Working on a new type of olive that won’t fall out of your sandwich while you’re trying to eat it

Everyone shut the fuck up for a minute, I’m in the middle of eating a great sandwich

There year is 2039. Nuclear war has ravaged much of the Northern Hemisphere. Swathes of locusts have devoured many of the world’s remaining crops, leaving millions starving. Bruce Lehrmann launches another appeal in the high court.

My listening age? Timeless

You guys, last weekend I did an incredibly loud burp in a baby’s face and i get bullying now

Looking after my neighbour’s cat Pinky. Everyone say hello Pinky

Unpopular opinion but honestly I think Europe should call Putin’s bluff

Saw some news reporters setting up outside a petrol station and folks, it can only mean one thing: we’re gettin slugged at the bowser again

Here is nothing more tedious than dealing with someone’s PA

Oh I’m actually super neurovergent

[whispering] I hear he’s a Pistachio Financier

Really getting into Adagio in G Minor for strings and organ you guys

I just feel Australians have worked too hard and too long to then be given Keli Holiday as a reward

The unhinged energy emanating from Joanna Howe

It is my firm belief that if The Nanny (1993-1999) had been broadcast in the UK, the UK would still be part of the EU

The government have to be part of keeping Buckethead’s identity a secret. If ordinary people found out who he was they would go apeshit

Marco Pierre White has such a condescending speaking tone and cadence. Cannot stand to listen to that guy

Bevan Shields to launch Bevan Shields App and associated BevanCoin crypto currency

I like the new button that says ‘Admire Puzzle’. I used to look at it, now I ~admire~ it

Oh Mr Meatball

It’s Day 5 of the first Ashes test

Turns out 2018 was big for me in terms of air horn apps

God I hate Murray Watt’s smug little face and also total incompetence

Yesterday was great but I’m pissed off at England now cause I’d planned to watch the cricket today as well

There’s no way that Mitchell Starc catch won’t be Play of the Day on Sports Tonight

Show me a tradie in a dual cab 4x4 Ute and I’ll show you the most sensitive little bitch on the road

[Bee Gees voice] you should be Danzig, yeah

The normies can’t get enough of vodka pasta at the moment

I could hear all three Taylor Swift concerts clearly from my apartment. Couldn’t hear shit from either AC/DC concert. Confusing times we live in.

Think I’ve just worked out what the metaphor is in that silverchair video where the pig man is spewing money

You should be allowed to tell tables next to you at cafes etc that their conversation is too boring

They should extend the teen social media ban to encompass up to 55 year olds

Still???

I firmly believe that if humans had three legs the guy would’ve hit Bush with a third shoe

Zoom in for a couple of Sweeties

Can I also say, if you’re a band or an artist doing exclusive concerts for Spotify, go fuck yourself

Gotta weigh in on this one! The dress looks white and gold to me

No it’s not. Look: “He honked on her big ol titties and while his fingers went ‘flippity-dippity-dee’ in and around her fanny. She loved it. “Oh yes” they both said, his full penis glistening in the moonlight.”

John Fetterman have another stroke you dumb bitch

If I was a film maker I’d make sure my films connect with audiences world-wide

How about a bitta Meatball

You gotta support Australian music now more than ever but holy fuck Keli Holiday is some middle of the road pedestrian horseshit. Destined for the domestic market.

My retirement plan is basically open a confectionary store that sells individual fun size bars you buy in bulk packs that say ‘not for individual resale’

Liam Gallagher’s look says ‘I’m ready for drizzle’

Wanted to do one of those Mamdani memes but didn’t know what to write so just went with an existing one

A wide brimmed hat but with a hole in the back for my long, flowing, beautiful ponytail

Sometimes what you’ll do is you’ll sing Geggy Tah’s ‘Whoever You Are’ to your cats