eating pussy with my eyes open to maintain tactical awareness

My cool wife teaches 9th grade English in Baltimore. Because of budget cuts in an already impoverished area she has spent over $400 on classroom shit the school should be supplying. Please consider helping or sharing this Wishlist of supplies/treats for her kids www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/...

I'm built different. Worse.

Ride with an outlaw, die with an outlaw

I’m old now

Agree!!!! He won't do that.

They were all so angry about cancel culture because they thought women deserved to be raped and they should be able to say racial slurs and be homophobic. I guess we're angry about cancel culture because it's illegal to quote a person saying shitty things they actually for real in reality said.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Hold up hold up you saying these Burrito Brothers are FLYING?

They are acting like Martin Luther King just got shot.

Nurse took my blood pressure and was like wow-wee let’s let you simmer awhile!!!!

Walton Goggins is such an incredible actor. Sneakily great range. In "The Shield" I know he is playing a character with a big fat cock and in "Vice Principals" I know he is playing a character with a sad, small cock but in "Justified" he just keeps me guessing scene to scene, season to season...

I’ve basically retired from internet writing, thanks to my pals and supporters, it was a good run, not a great one, but good. Loved to be weird and stupid with you guys. Now I’m going to dedicate myself to my true calling, writing fan-fiction about my life. Stay frosty.

Just referred to Harry Potter as “Harry” while talking to a customer. I’m so disgusting.

Me and my friends would’ve killed The Summer I Turned Pretty with hammers I can tell you that much

Always read Jonny on "Hummingbird Salamander"

I like the part of private detective movies when the private detective who doesn't care about anything especially the people involved in his case meets a nice girl (usually dies) and really starts caring about the case

Licorice Pizza was boring. Some good bits, great performances, but no thanks!

can't even look at my shrek porn without her staring at me

Your two best friends look like this

Gonna start switching out touché for Juche

Here’s a man who would not take it anymore.

Dave Mustaine really sounds like that

Man, I miss my dogs

Kind of fucked up I wasted my Secret Service visit on Biden and not Trump but what are you gonna do I mean you play the opponent on the schedule

i can’t not hear “never felt better in my life” in mark e. smith’s voice

My next project is a YA "The Summer I Turned Pretty" thing except it's about me in High School and I never turned pretty but it is messy and people do be loving dat mess

Cheers to my mutuals. We will outlast these fucking fascists and then we will walk over a road of their bones.

The Offspring having a huge hit with the white guy song and immediately becoming a joke band still all these years later strikes me as a clear example of a soul that is bitchmade and a spirit that is wanting

TWO CRUDE DUDES

Me when my wife sees the browser history

I don't often cry in public, but I'm crying now. ETA: I often cry in public.

Who stopping him

Just ordered so much sushi. Might die.

Me talking to Wild Bill Hickok one time: “I’m gonna sit my white ass down and listen for the thunder.”

Home from work, in bed with at least one cat, now I'm gonna listen to some rock music all LOUD

Freaking out about my bloodwork last night thinking I was about to die my doctor sent a message looks good but stop eating like shit

We must hang out together or surely we will hang out alone.

More companies with a goofy mascot should make tires and assign a star rating to fine dining establishments around the world.

Been saying this

Sometimes I listen to Morrissey and just fucking crack up thinking about all the people who have built their lives around this hateful and weird second-rate singer-songwriter from the 80s

Nine Inch Nails in Baltimore tonight. I will not be going, but I hope everyone who does sings along real loud to that “I want a fuck you like an animal” song. In times such as these it is important to have your community.

Dialectical materialism is I'm glad a lib who does good work and actually hates fascism and has basic curiosity of the world before five years ago exists (John Ganz) but also every time he says anything I want to yell shut up shut the fuck up we get it you're a big fancy fake smarty pants!!!

Foundation Season 3...it fucks.

Or's Well that Ends Well

Reskeet with a tweet you still think about

In Akira you could and should say Kaneda plays the role of Phillip J. Fry.