Feeling positively faded off 2 olipop

not art and certainly not an artist

too many people will be mad the new xbox CEO is a woman and none of these people will be mad about what really matters is that she’s an ai maniac

This is your last chance to pre-order the 'I Appreciate The Muppets On A Much Deeper Level Than You' Hat. Visit The Onion Store. https://store.theonion.com/products/i-appreciate-the-muppets-on-a-much-deeper-level-than-you-hat

"What if we made soju taste like feet"

another classic missouri fall morning, spring afternoon into winter evening days

surely by now my awesome and really good neighbor has taken their laundry out from one of two dryers

Got air for the first two pumps of the body wash

A Real Man should have only one pair of jeans that he renews every 10 years like a passport

hey does anyone wanna come over and play the 67 game with me?

it’s above 40 degrees in february and so I am unfortunately spring-pilled. I’ve got the windows open and I’m thinking about clearing off the grill. I am confident this heatwave will continue forever and I will not have my heart broken by another 48 inches of snow in march

i cannot stop thinking about this interaction

“Our new Stephen video generator is an easy, user-friendly text-to-video model that can create clips up to two minutes long and will easily trick the commander-in-chief into believing Mexico has deployed nuclear weapons on the U.S. border,” said OpenAI CEO Sam Altman

Who up sauteing their onion

Important family events in my life are always preceded by the sinus pressure of despair

AI Chatbot That Only Responds ‘Huh’ Valued At $200 Billion

has anyone else noticed that all the twenty-year-olds are thirty now? did something happen?

Fucker Bowl

charlie kirk didn’t even perform at the TPUSA half time show

White people don't say "Blowing hot air" anymore they say "I love yapping"

Cool retail co-worker prank: leave one guy in frozen for the entire Superbowl weekend. Their reaction will be priceless!

TrumpRx Unveils $1 Million Citizenship Pill https://theonion.com/trumprx-unveils-1-million-citizenship-pill/

An old classic.

3-Year-Old Willing To Die For Bluey https://theonion.com/3-year-old-willing-to-die-for-bluey/

🚨BREAKING: Steve Bannon said Tuesday that the federal government is planning to send Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officers to patrol polling stations during this year’s midterm elections. www.democracydocket.com/news-alerts/...

Making a One Piece edit is really fun and cool until you're trying to find a specific shot

Might light my gf’s candles and throw some soup on the stove

Haven't seen the weather for tomorrow. SURELY I'll be able to get out and do something that isn't work

Album That Has Nothing On Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Rumours’ Wins Grammy Award https://theonion.com/album-that-has-nothing-on-fleetwood-mac-s-rumours-win-1819576068/

Trump Denies Writing 36-Volume Comic Titled ‘Don And Jeff: Time Pedophiles’

does she know she's in the new Gundam movie?

Kristi, baby, they’re going to put you down like a dog! You’re already on the way to the gravel quarry, Kristi! You’ve gotta bite someone on the way out! You’ve gotta make them pay!

Catching small glimpses of my old tiktok algorithm in between US server tiktok "Content"

"Your enemies on the so-called 'Supreme' Court have unwittingly made you immune to prosecution, my liege! Do not, I beg you, make the same mistake of Biden the Unready...have you heard the tale? I thought not. It is not one...CNN...would tell you."

*shaking fist* Ooooohhhh if you keep killing innocents on my streets I'm gonna POST more

If I walk out of work and my car is snowed in you might hear the loudest scream this side of the Big Muddy

We should GET whoever is running this weather machine with hammers

Guardian angel doordasher looking out for me before this storm hits

Entire French Populace Moved To Tears By Cartoon Of Robot Holding Flower https://theonion.com/entire-french-populace-moved-to-tears-by-cartoon-of-robot-holding-flower/

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

Tears in my eyes I'm so glad it met my hype. Jjk is a blessing

just blew the fuckin high i had going for tomorrow

Steak dinner and soju tomorrow. It's become that serious

we're getting all the downsides of cyberpunk (social alienation, ruthless hyper capitalism, digital mass surveillance state) but none of the promised upsides (cheap street food, cool jackets, super drugs that make you really fast and strong before they kill you)

Dusting this gem off for the next class reunion