bro looking at me like this and whining like I can turn off the snow or something

Blessed be the Sunday on which none of my teams play, 0% chance of my day being ruined

bro do you wanna go get McDonald’s

Benson Boone

I want to start this post with gratitude to those brave soldiers working sanitation services But can we please not leave the bins open on rainy days? Or maybe stop throwing them in the way of my driveway?

Anyone else here SpongeBob Big Boy Pants Okay?

I love troubleshooting via YouTube handymen And I won’t hide it

Everyone in my Crunchyroll continue watching is expressing different levels of surprise

She nak on my Nick til I Buj

Mattie when she looks at Will’s lunch

Oof yikes 😬 thanks for letting me know. Sorry I heard their music and liked it. Didn’t realize they were an industry plant. I will be continuing to listen tho

Hey @matcarv.bsky.social is this guy bothering you? Need us to bully him off of here?

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt due to construction, but I had a 4 minutes drive with a coworker today where she hit two curbs and ran a red light lmao

Im concerned about missing the commercials. How can we remedy this for in stadium fans? @nfl

No scandals, no trash, no commitment. Just damn good cold water. 9/10 drink from the Elkay

thinking about the lady who posted a cat in our neighborhood Facebook page asking “has anyone lost their monkey?”

Beefing with the people who put their whole ass lunch bag in the company fridge. Just put in your Tupperware like a normal person, I shouldn’t have to rearrange the fridge to set my burrito down smh

This was a bit but I’ve gotten to the point where I’m fucking sick of these bastards making so many holes in my backyard

Ive perfected my Facebook reels algorithm, anyone wanna bum a scroll?

Party tonight. DM me for the address. No narcs Guys: $10 Gays: Free Women: $10 Cats: Free Dogs: $20

The lead in protein powder to my buddy Will (Richard’s Version, No Typo)

The lead in protein power to my buddy Will

Does anybody know if Ethan had a better day today?

can we all at least agree that no one should ever be criticized for any reason

If you have a problem with my wife and I enjoying his and hers Whoppers, ,,you Should Kill Yourself Right Now

Saw a dead body this morning, happy Monday

Erm no offense, but you’re a really good friend and I like being around you

Have you set your Q4 objectives and established your KPIs yet?

NBCentel should post about how brave I was eating my hot-level Thai food during lunch with my coworkers today

Office front door won’t unlock for anyone’s keycard and the wifi is down

I’m on my way @chappellroanbr.bsky.social

Fucking squirrel burying shit in our backyard not knowing we’re both watching like this. We’re getting your nuts bro you ain’t slick

Fan of my fantasy team who won’t get a haircut until I win 3 games in a row

Spotted in my neighborhood, feels very @conorwadle.bsky.social coded

Fucking love drinking coffee all morning and then switching to Coke after 12pm. And so do my kidneys

Have you reminded your twin to start digging today yet?

Does anyone know if we need to bring our backpacks for the rapture

I insist that my wife walk out to Gasolina by Daddy Yankee while 5 motorcycles do donuts at my funeral. Can’t let korked take all the sauce

Wine before beer, in the clear. Beer before wine, you will be fine.

Incredible moment tonight getting to watch KC Current win & lift their first major trophy at home. I fucking love this team!! Seasons not over and hopefully more silverware to come! 🩵🩵

silly puppy waits in vain for Samsung logo to hit the corner of the TV

One thing they don’t prep you for about home ownership is the never ending stream of people trying to sell you shit

Fountain Diet Dr. Pepper is a deeply unserious soda. Like cmon man

first night in the new house and the smoke detectors started chirping

this was about buying a house. rate my setup

The enemy moves quietly with a knife. But I’ve got my wall hacks on.

I wish I could text my dog

A perfect day of soccer for me is a Barca win, KC Current win, and no Sporting KC game at all

Reinflate Every Goomba You've Flattened. And Give Back the Coin

Gotta keep it so real on here Me & 3 other coworkers just presented some big shit to our CEO, President, & Chief People Officer. I helped almost NOTHING, sat there and looked handsome the entire time, then said “Happy Friday” at the end. Fucking crushed it 💯💯