Hey everybody, I’m the manager of Missouri and I’d like to announce this weekend is cancelled. See you all on Monday tomorrow!

i'm boycotting the nfl until they let the chiefs back into the playoffs. i mean obviously i'll watch the games and talk about them and everything, but i will not purchase any of the teams

The Golden Goober!!!

its a me

It’s an art, not a science. But I love to be right there at that perfect distance in front of someone to where I don’t feel obligated to hold the door open for them

Checked my twitter and did the following: - blocked a benson Boone fan page that followed me - read trump meme - see post of white Christian man saying interracial marriage is wrong while posting himself with his Latina wife - logged off

I move different after Barcelona wins over Real Madrid. The feeling never gets old. Beer is crisper. The air in my lungs lifts me up. Music sounds better. The highlights stay on repeat. VISÇA BARCA

All this means is I’ve gotten up 10 times. And that 1 win means even more

Getting into minerals this year

‼️ tw for my haters ‼️ ok so I do wanna brag real quick on Jamie & I’s 2025 because I’m proud of us: - I got promoted - We got married - We bought a house - Jamie passed 1/3 tests for a new position - lots of soccer watched

Look at what they’re doing to my girls, massacring them with a middling MLS failure when we should straight up be hiring only the best in the world 🫩🫩

lol what are you doing marking your email as “high importance” today?? Fuck you I aint reading that until 2026

just sneezed if anyone minds blessing me

Putting my life savings into Boy Throb stocks

Not ashamed to talk about being an IG reels enjoyer. I love to see a like on a shitpost from someone I had one class with 8 years ago, didn’t know you were a memer like that

USE THIS AS A “I LOVE JAMIE’S HUSBAND BUTTON ⬇️

Fashion comes with sacrifices. I’ve long since given up bathroom stall anonymity to rock my blue striped vans

I’ve started backing into my parking spot at work, and yeah, I do feel better than everyone about it.

If I was in the crowd of Jerry Springer I would be hooting and hollering so hard

LeBron Jaimies

Thank you Microsoft for updating my OS in the middle of a call I was running. My computer is now faster but my team lost their minds and destroyed all shareholder value while I couldn’t finish out my briefing ://

3 bevvies each but I’m efficient

3 bevvies each but I’m efficient

First off, I’d like to thank everyone who asked (no one) Secondly, I’d like to drop my review of Dr. Pepper Strawberry & Cream - Flavor wise I’m gonna be real. It fucks. If I really think about it, tastes like medicine but then it feels healthy. - Can has a dinosaur. That’s cool - Dr Pepper

bro looking at me like this and whining like I can turn off the snow or something

Blessed be the Sunday on which none of my teams play, 0% chance of my day being ruined

bro do you wanna go get McDonald’s

Benson Boone

I want to start this post with gratitude to those brave soldiers working sanitation services But can we please not leave the bins open on rainy days? Or maybe stop throwing them in the way of my driveway?

Anyone else here SpongeBob Big Boy Pants Okay?

I love troubleshooting via YouTube handymen And I won’t hide it

Everyone in my Crunchyroll continue watching is expressing different levels of surprise

She nak on my Nick til I Buj

Mattie when she looks at Will’s lunch

Oof yikes 😬 thanks for letting me know. Sorry I heard their music and liked it. Didn’t realize they were an industry plant. I will be continuing to listen tho

Hey @matcarv.bsky.social is this guy bothering you? Need us to bully him off of here?

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt due to construction, but I had a 4 minutes drive with a coworker today where she hit two curbs and ran a red light lmao

Im concerned about missing the commercials. How can we remedy this for in stadium fans? @nfl

No scandals, no trash, no commitment. Just damn good cold water. 9/10 drink from the Elkay

thinking about the lady who posted a cat in our neighborhood Facebook page asking “has anyone lost their monkey?”

Beefing with the people who put their whole ass lunch bag in the company fridge. Just put in your Tupperware like a normal person, I shouldn’t have to rearrange the fridge to set my burrito down smh

This was a bit but I’ve gotten to the point where I’m fucking sick of these bastards making so many holes in my backyard

Ive perfected my Facebook reels algorithm, anyone wanna bum a scroll?

Party tonight. DM me for the address. No narcs Guys: $10 Gays: Free Women: $10 Cats: Free Dogs: $20

The lead in protein powder to my buddy Will (Richard’s Version, No Typo)

The lead in protein power to my buddy Will

Does anybody know if Ethan had a better day today?

can we all at least agree that no one should ever be criticized for any reason

If you have a problem with my wife and I enjoying his and hers Whoppers, ,,you Should Kill Yourself Right Now