the medbed looks great

Story that always cracks me up is the time my buddy’s aunt bought his little brother a vest for his birthday (tenth or so). He opened it and said “Great, who am I, Paula Poundstone?” and his aunt started crying

reading a book where a woman masturbated to an electron micrograph of a t2 bactriophage. I was not prepared!

dont eat thai banana itd ruin your life. it tastes so creamy and custardy that regular bananas taste dry by comparison. thai bananas are about $1.50/lb

a raw chicken costs more than a rotisserie chicken

one easy step we could take to improve our society is making the only person allowed to write, direct, and produce anything related to the Alien franchise: me, Greg (aka The Big Biscuit)

good lord kitchen towels set in heb used to cost $5

sarah has been a really important friend of mine for years and could use your help!

the naptime chotiner: "so I just want to clarify - is this quiet time or naptime? because a minute ago you said, im quoting here, 'you need to put away your toys because its almost quiet time.' I did so, and am making no noise. yet you seem frustrated that im not sleeping. Can you expand on that?"

im here for emma thompson trading her received pronunciation for a fargo accent www.youtube.com/watch?v=klGR...

my face when I saw this 🥴 cant escape pumpkin nonsense even at taiwanese bakeries

Soggy Uni's meow!

Cars are so needy the way they make you drive them around everywhere

I know there are many more deserving people in much more desperate situations needing help and things are tough for everyone now. I’m sorry to burden with my troubles and I’m grateful for any help you can give. venmo: @AudenH cashapp: $AudenH PayPal: [email protected]

im one of the top 1000 least engaging bluesky users

hit a new low in fatigue. its only noon and im already exhausted from taking a shower

I guess one thing you can say about the alien earth finale is that it answered all the questions I had about whether theyre planning to make more episodes

another evil cat dropped

The Summer I Turned Disabled

Kids defiantly asking for a scare when they knock on my door, eyes turning white as I open the door revealing a vast and unfathomably deep ocean

Maybe she’s born with it..maybe it’s The Void

New Ben Folds album goes HARD.

best swag

the running man is a sequel to the long walk

why spend $5 for a stock photo of a nurse when you can use ai and invent a double stethoscope

not an economist but it seems like inflation alone (never mind the abysmal job market) is enough to push a lot of people out of the middle class

scored a bunch of magic cilantro from heb it has been 2 weeks and theres very little browning and wilting

its funny that the female nurses are like this and male nurses are like that skits are similar cross countries heres usa

creamy beans

love little throwaway jokes like this

noodles pimps

oh jesus the marysue manic pixie dream cyborg with the amelie hair now has a pet xeno

thought this was a 4 eyed mammal at first

just found out about tanned sanrio characters products but they’re sold by hawaiian and okinawan stores good for them

cooking outside makes so much sense. no need to worry about smoke and grease buildup

molting penguins look soooo goofy this one looks like it’s wearing a furry bikini top 👙

surprised out of these veggies green peas have the highest amount of fiber per and carrot the lowest

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. The person you are going to kill probably has a spouse or right hand man that will get in your way.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two big graves and one small grave. The person you are going to kill probably has a family.

i can never spell nor pronounce clopidogrel

have to send a bunch of big girl messages to doctors

before you seek revenge dig two graves, one for practice and the other for the body

might have to start a reading journal going through my goodreads read list i noticed that i cant remember more than half of the books ive read

its headache o’clock

awww this is cute

thinking of making this with rotisserie chicken cannot imagine americans take to eating chicken racks even with the soaring food prices

reading a book with one of my least favorite tropes. a powerful kid afraid of the things their powers wrought. its like, you did this asshole! and now youre scared?!?!

horror stories are fun