The Chemical Sisters

istg I get my dance practice on my toilet seat with that bidet tryna get cover the back field. Gotta play the spray

a lot of you haven’t listened to alvin lucier’s “I am sitting in a room” and it shows

“To turn the screen back on, please press any button except for the power button.” 🤨

im here you fuckaas bitch

“…also there was an oppressive amount of children.” -merskel

“Daddy I think I know what I wanna do over the weekend. “What’s that? “Sit down.” - 6 y/o kid and dad on the bus with me

Our son was run over by our car is an ICE-level grammatical reworking of “a protestor was injured”

Munchausen by Prius

“You know I love to play! … You wanna play a finger game?” -Clarky

“…I’d rather give birth to a lawn chair.” -myk

“…when you said ‘whilst, all that did was make me smell you” -myk

i think hans moleman might be my favorite side character in all media

🚨"Every single loss like this one will make the path easier for the next person. We are not done, and I'm not going anywhere...Fuck Trump, Fuck ICE, Free Palestine." -Kat Abughazaleh gives her concession speech in Illinois primary as @JTCestkowski reports ⬇️

Pokemon pinball just now landing. Track it here pinballmap.com/map?by_machi...

Fucked Font 🤜🕳🤛 IndieGoGo budget

woke

It's a national holiday

Always knew Trevor Noah was a smart guy:

That's why we have to talk to them like this.

Imagine like your grossest possible (functional) uncle, multiply that times like a thousand, and that’s monkeys. Monkeys are just like gross little guys.

“…and smile so you look less threatenin, and remember your manners: yes sir no maim please thank you: that’ll keep you alive: and KEEP THAT CONDENSATION on that water so it looks refreshing and delicious.” -Dave Khari Webber Chappelle

“Look man some people some diffuse and some people dispose.” -k

ground bird (rerun)

Three days into 2026: millions of people lose health insurance, Trump kidnaps the president of Venezuela, and is preparing to bomb Iran.

Shoutout my favorite Christmas music: NO MONEY CHRISTMAS by N O M O N E Y M U S I C on #SoundCloud on.soundcloud.com/yKiMb0X7kHe9...

“Look, when my shitty birth mom had me and I came out like a pretzel, so it’s not my fault.” -Lee

MRI made very cool sounds and had a curiously comfortable cut out (belly down, like a massage table) hang out hole for the mams to ham it up for the magnetic camera.

“This is why I don’t get the _other kind_ of vitamin D, cause I talk about the supplement and vitamin industrial complex.” - @swordsalads.bsky.social

“My mom blew me a kiss on thanksgiving. It was awful.” -cheryl

“That’s a big blunder.” “No, that’s a fuck up. A blunder is sweet.” -Cheryl

“Sunday night I cooked a nice dinner, I watched long movie, I baked chocolate chip cookies, something I never do, I had half an edible. And I said to myself, ‘if I had a kid, this would not be possible.’ #highcoze “ -Lee K

*100sqft apartment - film student “Yo, I totally felt your Nuva Ring while we were fucking.” “Well you came didnt you.”

“I’m running for President God.” - wordsalads

“You can’t gentrify the Juggalos dude.” - Alex Panait

“…they’re not gonna take a moment to meditate with a vibrating dishwasher.” -Tressa

“Sometimes I miss when I cared more.” -Alyssa

I know there's a lot of controversy about the Cracker Barrel logo, so I worked up a new option that should be good with everyone... The barrel is back, but it's now guarded by Scubble, The Cracker Goblin. I also worked up a new slogan for the company!

“Kids believe every space is a place to make safe mistakes.” -Clarky

“You can’t hold 10lb chop sticks with one pair of hands.” -fatbody

“Couldn’t be a safe word… .com” -@wordsalads

“…I’m sorry I came on your tits then talked about Shrek.” -Anthony Sanders

“Listen, sometimes I scare the hoes by shadow boxing behind the bar.” -mykala

“…and my knees knew no end.” -Mary Beth jr.

“The step between not doing it and doing it is knowing you’re not doing it.” -Cheryl

“I have Itchy Butt Rage, get out my way.” -tom

“Maybe if you took initiative instead of dildo’s in your ass you’d be farther ahead in life.” -Moe

“You need to meet Terry.” “Who’s Terry?” “He’s a guy with a broken leg who couldn’t figure out how to use his scooter while fireworks were going off in the street.” -DRay