Horrible week to not be a masochist

I am the protector. I am also the angel of death. I am protect innocent souls, and I bring death, by deleting Chatgpt from my friends phones. Me, whispering over their shoulder as they delete their account and go to uninstall the app: "Shhhh, go to sleep, go to sleep..."

Too many Willem dafoes in the world. Where can I find me a willem dafriend 😞

So cool when you try to reassure yourself that everything will work out and then it's actually worst-case scenario. I'm tired of being vindicated man this sucks

The horrors truly are relentless these days huh

Prairie Harm Reduction shut down, over 200 overdoses in a week. AI data center approved despite thousands of people protesting and petitioning against it. Do not fucking tell me to wait until the next election for this shit to get fixed. We are so past voting.

Feels like a Friday night, but in a Sunday Scaries sorta way

Us skittering across this uncertain world

I GOT I GOT I GOT NO MORE LUCK IN MY BONES

Matthew Halsall will you marry me

Phone has become the Validation Machine and I don't think this is good for me

The First WORLD FENCING LEAGUE is happening April 25th!!! I'M GEEKING!!! Japanese engineers developed this "Sword Tip Visualisation" tracking technology specifically for this event that will make it so much easier for the average person to see what's going on! I MUST WATCH THIS ENTIRE TOURNAMENT

The void is oh so palpable and gossamer tonight

I am getting videos from the underscores LA uHaul set on every single social media platform and I have never felt fomo quite like this before

Bro I hate rich people so fucking much

I just looooooove opening and closing all of these apps and tabs and not actually doing anything all day

Feeling plush and posh as fuck in my big warm fleece in this all-staff meeting where nobody knows who I am

Ooooh boy I don't want to do anything!

Creeping (disrespectfully)

Feeling very unkissed rn 😔

I have crafted something wicked and foul in the dark cover of night (morning poop was really stinky)

I think my life would be better if I were 5'9"

The sexual tension between me and whatever scheme I have cooking at the immediate moment

i am receiving divine transmissions from an archangel named Doordash notifications

I have been craving hot sticky cinnamon bun so fucking bad for an entire month STRAIGHT and if I do not get a fix within the first five days of being home so help me god

I didn't like the term simping when it was popular but, living it now, realize how accurate it is in capturing how pathetic you feel in this behaviour

I do not trust people who say they do not like jazz

Absolutely fiending for attention lately

Flirting truly is essential for mental health

Just found out one of my all-time favourite garage tracks is made by a GAY WOMAN today is a great day

So excited to DJ again

Whimsy restored

Call me a false prophet because I’m stoned as hell rn

If I don't do something whimsical in the next 48 hours I may simply pass away

Gay romance movie 🙂‍↕️

Been too clean for too long man I need a vice

A new contender for best headline

I MISS my FUCKING. FRIENDS.

anyone planning to watch the new harry potter is also using chatgpt as their therapist change my mind

I am pioneering an entirely new wave of coworker music

Shipping addiction? Call that a buysexual

In this life, you either bedazzle or get bedazzled. - Mark Twain

Kitten? It seems daddy may not be as immune to the cursed amulet’s power as previously thought….

Bitches (hardware store employees) love my mustache

Hey guys I died and am having my posts weighed by Anubis. The entire pantheon showed up and they're going apeshit putting things on the scales. Everyone lost their mind when Ra balanced the entire sun on the other side and nothing budged. Amit's got the zoomies this is humiliating.

No no no, listen to me. Tinder is for window-shopping. Hinge is more like a miracle sorting algorithm

unnerving lofi beats to tremble and cower to

Become illegible and the evil eye will not be able to find you.

I can't wait to be cool as fuck in my 30s