Mate I’ve grown up with asked me round for a brew! He’s never done that so am expecting he’s got something to tell me! Dreading it, but fuck me! It’s like I’m at me aunty Val’s house…

Question for people who know - why on earth were Hearts only allocated just over 750 tickets for today’s game? Fisticuffs?

Wondering if they'll do the behind the scenes at the respective hotels and live bus journey feed for the cup final. Hoping for the revelation that City's midfield are all mad keen for a game of whist.

Apex, a film on Netflix, the only person I recognised doing the pretending was Charlize Theron - a review First 20 minutes - yeah, having it Second 20 - still having it Third 20 - hmm… Last 30 or so - nonsense A just about watchable 6 pon 10

Me when my lad asked me to take him to see the musical for the 4th time knowing full well it’d be me who would pay AGAIN!

There’s something going on with dad

BAN THE PERVERT GLASSES

My god @gwedlid.bsky.social - the fruitcake has set up a new account and has started following me! CODE RED! CODE RED! CODE RED!

Ffs! He actually has gone and made one an’ all! Didn’t follow my advice though, which spoils it a tad

Too shy to join, but still curious.

Never tire of this vid of yer da learning guitar.

Mini Market

Nymph Pistols

The Grateful for the on-street Defibrillator

The Talking Conjoined Twins

Audience Q&A though. "How many golf balls can you fit up your arse, you gap toothed shithouse?"

Watching recent clips of the orange baby, he’s going to do a Tommy Cooper soon isn’t he! Would be glorious!

Ahh great, they’ve brought back them virus people from that cruise ship! Isolating in some hospikle in Liverpool! Why up North? Why not isolate the fuckers down South!?

Throwback Monday to that day I found out my lad joined ISIS! We laugh about it now, but at the time it was quite a worry

Tom Daley’s husband almost every other night

Martin Keown around 17:30 this evening

If you can eat the whole contents of a meal with a spoon it's not a meal.

Alexa! Show us a meal soup kitchens would reject

Share a song from the year you turned 18 youtu.be/IdQW9eXJ4yY?...

Commentary on the official app: "I've said it a few times, you don't often get a dodgy German" Well I can think of one.

20 of the usual?

lol @ that lad with the hair! A whole summer at least with THAT barnet

Sid James to Barbara Windsor in the unreleased Carry on Up the Garden Path

I see The Turn Moss Marauder is starting! He’d struggle getting a game for the Gorse who don’t even have a team anymore, how the hell does he get a game for United?

"This bloke is creeping me out, let's go and sit with Dr Death"

Politics - once you realise neither of us are living in a true democracy and nothing will change as long as big corporations and wealthy individuals/families are wagging the tail of the dog, the better Chill out, sod all we say or do will change owt Now - favourite Angels Delight? Strawberry

Call it a hunch or whatever, but something is telling me Vladimir’s surgeon has fallen out of a high rise window at some point

Here’s 100 side 1 track 1 from Debut albums for a bit of inspiration … open.spotify.com/playlist/4Q2...

influential debut albums - retrospective review #1 NMtBHtSP Holidays in the Sun - good Liar - shite No feelings - ok God Save the Queen - marvellous Problems - shite Seventeen - crap Anarchy in the UK - fabulous Bodies - shite Pretty Vacant - superb New York - garbage E.M.I - shite 4 pon 10

Haha! Reminds me of an idiot I know. Had a United tattoo on his arm, below it read ‘Manchester Born and Bread’

Sky Arts right now - 1987 End of errand

Be fun watching them Amazon drones being shot down over the skies of Salford soon

Sat next to plane spotters on my latest flight. To each their own an’ all that, not harming anyone but things went from bad to worse when I overheard a conv they were having concerning a flight in a Spitfire would cost £4k for 20 minutes One said to the other ‘just sell part of your LEGO set’

Jesus fuckin’ Christ!

Fred and Rose West sat at home listening to Mungo Jerry Fred - Am gonna grow my hair like the singer from Mungo Jerry Rose - why don’t we just start killing people instead And the rest is history

Breaking! Princess Eugenie announces she’s pregnant with her 3rd child! Andrew Windsor, former Prince Andrew issued a statement that he is also over the moon he’s to have his 3rd too

Incredible to witness #TheSnooker

Wow! Wu Yize!

We cross over live now to our Aviation Disaster correspondent @vocnorth.bsky.social if he’s managed to tear himself away from the Jeremy Bamber case! Derek, what do you have for us? Hi to the dogs

Suffering succotash, this kid Wu Yize can play

Has there ever been a professional player in the history of football who, when on the pitch he looks more like a bin man who’s won a competition than an actual footballer than Joshua Zirkzee? I can’t think of one

Consultant at St Luke’s 1987