releasiert die cracker

My wife waited until I wasn't looking at her, said "DIE CRACKER," then snapped my bare toes in a hair clip. She will not see the morrow

My wife posted this about me, then said, "I'm not doing Bernard from The Rescuers because that's just kissing your ass at that point"

Alright, you creatures, now it's my turn

Ugh my coworker made a rubric template for us I think through some AI chatbot and it sucks so bad. It straight up does not include 2 of the 3 items we need in the student packets.

Is today the day I break out my office space heater for the season? Real possibility

Really overall I think one of the biggest boons of being in college was for sure how much it exercised the nonfiction writer in me. Like even in my fiction/poetry classes, being able to speak to what worked/didn't work for me was the more valuable thing--I already felt confident in my fic/poetry

Speaking of things I miss about college, I miss food writing a lot! I should just start writing about nice meals I've had and venues I've been to, like, who cares if anyone reads it, but it was sooo fun to have a class blog where we talked food stuff

Sometimes I wonder if our many years of jokes about writers hating writing and doing anything but writing, etc, have convinced people that the writing part is the hurdle and the goal is just to have a thing in hand. But I am here to tell you: the writing is the best part. The act is the thing.

Some call her the Buckethead of American Letters

She may be very wacky and often off-putting but Joyce Carol Oates writes a short story every week that beats most authors' entire careers and has been doing that for like 65 years

Aw hell apparently a few days before he went into cardiac arrest, my stepdad apologized to my mom for "treating her like shit for a long time." He better hold to that if he fully pulls through.

God I love her. Grind his bones to make your bread mama

lmfao "waaaah she's being mean to me, help, help!!!"

Okay now that I'm over the first-time scaries and all, I can confidently say: injecting yourself with tasty medicines is hot people shit actually and I feel ultra cool for surviving it solo

First T shot solo, complete ☺️ Bled like a motherfucker but something that happens when I get injections in general, I'm plump with blood

What if November is the month I finally start working through my stupid large backlog of articles to read. I shan't say how many

Why is he poking it? Cause of death: drowned in thousands of spiders.

I wish I had the education/experience to be a museum curator/archivist. I think I would thrive in that environment but I didn't think of that back when I was in school, oops. Maybe someday someone will pay me to go get my master's degree.

A Sharon Begley byline, almost 5 years after her death. Upon hearing the news James Watson had died, a STAT reporter said in our Slack, "I wish I could read what Sharon would have written." Incredible news: Sharon in fact did pre-write a Watson obit. And it is masterful and excoriating. 🧪🧬🧫

I’m in the business of business and baby, business is business

LRP: Imagine being such a bigoted, clout-chasing, mediocre asshole that your peers write obituaries citing the many ways in which you made your field worse, years in advance, just in case they die before you do. Such is the legacy of James D. Watson.

Looking at my little collection of medical supplies for my T shot, shaking my head, and muttering to myself, "the things they do in a little librarian looking motherfuckers like me these days"

Well hell now I have to come up with songs to put on this

Funny enough, I feel like the only thing that makes me nervous about taking my injection is doing it alone? Like, I don't really feel like I'm going to mess it up or need someone else to do it for me or anything like that, but I get worried about what if I did mess it up and needed help?

Ooh what if I made a T shot playlist (should have taken yesterday but uhhhh my stepdad was near death (he's doing better now) so that didn't happen). I know it don't take long to do but ooh what if

if you enjoy a movie that doesn't pass the Bechdel Test a mean lesbian will come to your house and yell at you actually. we take turns doing shifts for this. mine is next week.

There’s only one cure for what ails you

Is there something up with me that I've at no point even felt my T shot? I know it was the first one but people act like you see god or whatever when it hits and I've literally had no changes. Even the changes I thought were happening were fleeting/I realized were caused by other things

Motherfuck he's going downhill again. Glad I didn't unpack my bag I guess, we'll see about heading back

My stepdad has been stabilized and it seems like he's maybe okay, so now my worries are turning to fretting that my tattoo is healing poorly and isn't going to look good from what I can see under the scabby part

imo it's genuinely important to understand fatphobia as an expression of eugenicist thought and one of the pillars of the modern right

Oh fuck, my stepdad might not make it tonight. My poor mama

The whole "meanest girl you knew in HS is a nurse now" is interesting, now that I work with nurse students. Honestly I think is the assistant/technician type roles that those types go into, the more I'm around, but that's maybe a distinction that only means something to me, lol

Nothing scares establishment Dems more than the sight of success. The thought of voters who know they can demand more than a corporate mouthpiece is existentially terrifying to them.

I have hand embroidery commissions open once more, open to whatever!

Oh my god what if I drew myself as a pokemon trainer but my team is the pokemon I've been assigned here. What if

I'm on that failure-to-thrive shit 🤙

Dammit alright fine I wanna know what pokemon I would be. I'm elderly so I only know the old ones but don't let that limit your minds

Genuinely unimaginable to think that anyone could have any opinion of any Bush white house staffer other than "they should be rent limb from limb."

my shop is still open!! but only till the end of this week!!! i made enough to pay october's rent (thank you!) but after paying rent i'm back to an empty bank account, so if you feel like grabbing some goodies, now's a very good time!

Literally every animal is “smarter than we thought”. Animals in general are very smart, but for some reason they are assumed to be dumb because we don’t have a proper understanding of them

A bit of silliness from 2021. Kong's first line is taken directly from the 2007 BBC adaptation of Elizabeth Gaskell's Cranford.

thing about the sandwich cop is that these guys are all like this

Captain Torture