The polycule of mixed race queers won't let me touch the jewelery of unlimited power When the short gay king puts it on, he becomes invisible But suddenly I'm the bad guy because I want to use it to kill Satan? What a load of bullshit

Really excited to see what the sudden exposure to untrained, violent, high school dropouts, does to ICE and the admins approval ratings among middle class white travelers

Sack Son orders milk and asks for cheeseburger Sack Son is based Sack Son, my adult son. My large adult son. One of 19 sack sons I've created

Musk literally named his kid Sack Son

The next democratic president needs to commit to deporting the entire Trump admin to Iran for criminal trials in exchange for peace and free trade

Being a conservative must be nice. You just turn your brain off and refuse to ever reconcile while your ideology is full of unstable, alcoholic, predators and unhinged morons

Red alert! The Joker broke out of Khia Asylum They say his new single is the song of the summer Batman is nowhere to be seen

Pope Leo is the first Pope to have ever experienced the US healthcare system, so there's that

What does Kojima know that we don't

thanks to AI our slow and humiliating national suicide will be punctuated by visual media that is so good even a dog could jack off to it

Assholes are like opinions. Some people put them online. Some people share them in the bedroom. Either way, you gotta wipe. #wisdom

Aw I think it's sweet that someone wants to save Kilmer from being remembered for The Snowman and instead be remembered for his AI exhumed corpse stiffly delivering contrite dialogue that sounds like it was recorded underwater

Fuck I run my entire NFT company in the Metaverse I cant afford a real office until my ape goes back up to at least what I bought it for Then the slurp juice I'm sitting on can triple the profit My ChatGPT business plan cannot fail now

doctor: mr. president i'm sorry there's nothing more we can do. we'll try our best to make you comfortable. trump: you're dying, not me. i feel, maybe, better than i have in a long time. and you're not making me comfortable. frankly, you're doing a number on me, but i feel wonderful

They're making Robert Pattinson look like Sting for this one, because they woke wouldnt let them in the last one

The spiders in my dick don't even pay rent

Sex with full bush? Call that Jungle 2 Jungle

we should make American voters get a tattoo on their arm that says DON'T TRUST THE REPUBLICAN PARTY because otherwise they're basically all that guy from Memento every second election cycle.

Playing an RPG and putting all my stat points into Horse Intelligence

A society grows great when old men put beers in the fridge they know they shall never drink themselves

the usa doesn't know the difference between "killing more people" and "winning a war" and it's starting to become a problem

Ogdo Bogdo sucked me off and died Now Son of Ogdo Bogdo has come to take revenge I will do what I must

Pretty crazy how important the blockade of a trade route is right now

I'm never gonna can it a "skeet" or "skeeting" Skeeting is what rappers do on women's bodies, it's not micro blogging or quippy posts

The U.S. made this class of stunningly stupid, pudding-soft MAGA parasites who have managed to move through life without ever encountering genuinely meaningful pushback. This led them to starting this wildly dangerous war in Iran - and looks like their reality distortion field is no longer working.

Tried to buy weed but my debit card expired so I bought beer on credit Thanks Joe Biden

Tonight I'm letting the Franzia do the talking

So much online conservatism these days is just "I miss being a kid"

clinton's plan to beat trump was to elevate him above the rest of the republican field and then coast to an easy victory. i don't think she was right about that

It's been a decade and the only insight liberals have learned since 2016 is "Hillary would have won if more people voted for her" Great detective work, dumbass

I once saw a TED talk about drying your hands more efficiently with paper towels. The secret was folding them to use more surface area. Riveting academic stuff

What is the threshold of evil to justify bombing Iran? Because they have weapons? They're a hardline monotheistic government? They kill protestors? Arrest dissidents? Ally with dictatorships? Stopped democratic elections? Oppress women? Harm gay people? Then, buddy, I got bad news about America

Looking very normal, sir 🫡

Saw a guy in a leather jacket and sunglasses riding a Lime Bike like a gig economy Terminator

Why do they even call it the "middle east"? That area has been the "front center" of politics my entire life

we were probably all up last night staring at the ceiling with our own version of the same thought running on endless loop, but mine looked something like this: I hate these people to a degree that feels simultaneously corrosive to the soul, and also the only righteous response to this kind of evil

Every major disaster in this country over my lifetime has been self inflicted by right wing ideologues with just enough complicit or inert Democrats to enable or ratify them. That's why we've been on this doom trajectory for the last ~50 years and it'll keep getting worse if that doesn't change

things every single republican president of your lifetime has done - started a war in the middle east - completely destroyed the economy

There's something almost magical about 3 beers

Call me an alcoholic, but I just want to drink beers with my wife

Taylor Johnson, Toilet Crimes, Special Division.

Bro, stop, you're gonna make me goo

This picture really speaks volumes about the sheer glee that Republicans take in Trump permitting them to act out their worst, most anti-social impulses. This is who they have always been, thy were simply waiting for permission. Don’t believe a single mea culpa after he’s gone

It's a great sign that his own supporters hate him now too

Republicans before January 20th 2025: the entire government is complicit in the cover up of a pedophile cabal! Republicans after January 20th 2025: well you see if there was a cabal Biden would have done something about it

like, "the fbi guy flies around in a jet too much" is such a specific and frankly niche complaint to make, let alone be making all the time. so to then one day wake up and fucking BE the fbi guy flying around in a jet too much? mind blowing

I really hope that Donald Trump tells the supreme court, to their faces, that they can't stop him and then he reports them all to a Venezuelan prison