the saddest plate of cajun cheese fries ive ordered at cookout

autumn sun (not my recipe, from a bar in downtown raleigh) 0.75 oz fernet 0.75 oz genepy 0.75 oz lemon 0.75 oz maple syrup shaken + strained oh my god this is actually the best thing ive ever made come over if u ever wanna try i finally have all the ingredience

POOH: [on Prozac] I meal-prepped some overnight oats. Want some? EEYORE: [on Wellbutrin] yes

things im leaving behind in 2024: drama 🙄 toxic people 🤐 Draugar the Time Thief steve carrell might also be stuck back there idk i cant really come back for him

walter white would be a proponent for semen retention if he was still alive

EVERY FUCKING QUESTION WE ASKED THE TV ALEXA WOULD ONLY RESPOND WITH A FART

Unrealistic NFL Commercial Depicts Panthers Fan Watching Game With Friends theonion.com/unrealistic-...

what do u guys want for christmas im about to head out to the store

the raleigh leafblowers visited our neighborhood for 2 minutes and gave up 😭 we live on Cursed Land

who remembers barking at the mailman 🤣😆😅😂 #90snostalgia

(flag gets thrown, the referee comes down the field) from the earth. he shall return. Krongar. 200 year penalty. still first down. (the many eyed tentacled commentator): ohhh you hate to see it, temporal banishment right at the 25 yard line

[the moment im no longer sick] oh man! now that im well, the possibilities are endless! i could do a chore, or another chore, or i could do this one chore ive been putting off, or i could work remotely outside my normal hours, or i could do a chore

not sick anymore who wants to see how many backflips i can do before i become unconscious

being sick with a messy room makes me feel like a naked beast in a cavern with bones and skulls leading back to where im sleeping

i dont post about work on here cuz it would just be a bunch of shit like "when the pH indicator gives me an unexpected result"

@youngiowa.bsky.social just learned evaporated milk and condensed milk were not the same thing everyone throw tomatoes at him im sellin em for a nickel each

fuck.

CANES WIN MF!!!!!!

the first time ive ever seen a $17 beer. making history. #gocanes #takingacartoonishlylongstrawandstealingbeerfromthecart

yo who let the durham bull in here #gocanes

headed to a canes game in a bit yall pray for my wallet

i will have 2 children. one will be named fred. the other, durst. they will bear the names much like 2 men on the either end of a horse costume.

Little Timmy Jr. has been crying for 3 days. The decisions we make as parents are tough.

mid-level tech guy at a microbrewery that lives in an apartment complex called The Village: "you dont get it. you dont wanna be involved with me. im dangerous. im like a cigarette... tastes good for the moment but eventually... ill hurt you 😔..."

this is seriously the best creature to have roamed this earth.

one wheelers are an invasive species

[guy who had one post get 4.3K likes and now only gets 6 likes per post] I'm the Bojack Horseman of Bluesky.

im on hiatus being a panthers fan because Dear God and switched to the lions a lil while back cuz ive been having fun watchin and followin em. my roommate pointed out to me yesterday that i went from cheering on a blue big cat to another blue big cat. idk maybe i just wanna see my lil kitties win

i have to confess i know you all on here were talking about putting baileys in cheerios but im a workin man that has to work with what i got. ive been eating amaretto and food lion brand crispy rice. shut up it was awesome

okay nvm i understand now

why is everyone talkin about puttin liquor in cereal today i feel like ime reading a 17th recipe book every time i get on here

pray for me im writin a paper againt the clock with the Bad Shits

[trying to talk to a server while going out socially for the first time in several months] Hrm, methinks I’m feeling a bit peckish indeed … and mayhaps I shall partake in an, ahem, shall we say, “adult beverage?” Squee!!!

i will not be mentally ill in public i will not be mentally ill in public i will not be mentally ill in public

i am so sick and tired of news outlets telling me that i shouldn't worry anymore because conservatives are "realizing what's happening" and "trump is digging his grave" and "everyone will get what's coming for them". no they wont!!!! they havent!! they continue to get away with it over and over!!!!!

i want a wardrobe of on the nose political cartoon character clothes. just shirts and hats that say shit like "TRANS PEOPLE" "NC DEMOCRATS" "LAWNMOWER USERS"

touch the puppet head

JIGSAW: all your life you've really drowned people to death in urine by being late all the time VICTIM: boy I don't like where this is going

I had 4 days off and by the end of that time I was thinking about creative pursuits, maybe even getting involved in my community. Thank god that's over now

02 Camry wins again

i want at least a little unsportsmanlike conduct

the annoying cousin when you step on their sidewalk chalk drawing:

Your Honor, It Was My Boobs!

putting a "Lord, bless this mess" sign in the goon cave

serving gunt

sorry im reposting instead of posting recently guys the great turkey deemed me unfavorable yesterday so now i must live out my week of servitude. be back later

Two vital pieces of info b4 Black Friday: 1. Price trackers have proven that Amazon has been slowly hiking prices so they can pretend to slash them on Black Friday/Cyber Monday. There are no actual deals. Just the appearance of them. 2. Amazon workers are on strike www.google.com/amp/s/amp.th...

Happy Thanksgiving to all of our #SonicTheHedgehog friends in the US! We hope you have a wonderful holiday connecting with family and loved ones.

Even though I think it’s how they’ve always done it, I’m thankful the NFL put Lions-Bears in the food prep window and Cowboys-Giants in the “oh good, guests are here we can ignore the football game” window.