Today is terrible but I’m re-upped on weed so it’s okay

For a second I almost cared what a group of people would think of me then I remembered, fuck them

no one: absolutely nobody: my brain: ‘what’s that cock like’

If I were a Pokémon, I'd definitely be Squirtle.

Dick Girth North Dakota, Census, 1925

I keep clutching my pearl necklace but my hands get so sticky. Fuck it send

Oh no I feel afflicted again 👀

rub a dub dub and then rub me next

I stole all your lines and they work better for me. You took a shower? Without me? Pics? 👀 Oh you’re in bed? Enough room for one more? 👀 You worked out? Prove it 👀 Your head hurts? You know what’s good for that 😏 👀 Still awake? 😈💦

Dating bio line: “Just know you’ll have to work for it.”

“That’s right do it, cum all over your hand just for me.” Wait? Who said that?

“Intrigue me and we’ll see where it goes” I could but that sounds like effort, can’t be bothered

your karma is that you love me still

rub a dub dub and then rub me next

Wine, wisdom, and beauty 🍓

I apologize for getting really horny and Posting About It. It will happen again, but I’m still sorry about it.

I meal prepped 15 breakfast burritos to freeze. Look at me, all domestic and shit 🌺

pressed against the sky - toadies

imagine us covered in oil and fucking

Awake and already on my bullshit

this brat needs some taming you can at least try 😏

brb, gonna bother him a bit and see if we can turn this into Funishment Friday 👀

huge day for beautiful sad women and their 40 year old boyfriends

My favorite part of the work day is getting home and laying around with my tits out for awhile to recover

It’s a good morning 🌞

One of the perks of dating me is listening to me get overexcited about a box of yarn or other such craft materials

Need a man with a little gray in his beard to ruin my life

It’s really a shame that you have such a nice body, voice, and cock, but you’re pretty empty inside.

Tell your dad I hope he’s enjoying his coffee today

It’s massage day!

Oh hey it’s me again, forgetting to fucking eat all day

I deserve a reward for all the cleaning I did. …I have a massage tomorrow but I mean tonight 👀

Cleaning my house on a Saturday night but like, in a sexy way Not wearing the maid outfit, no, though that is a great idea…

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 pretty face, dangerous thoughts ❤︎₊ ⊹ 　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

“What’s that pussy do?” Complain. Next question.

Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

Real masculinity is calling your bros “daddy”

So many things I could be doing but laying in bed feeling how soft my skin is kind of wins

yes my tits are still amazing, next question

Do it if you want, idk ☆ pronouns: she/her/baby ☆ height: 5’7 ☆ zodiac: Taurus ♉️ ☆ smoke: 💚 ☆ tattoos: 1 ☆ piercings: 4 ☆ fav colour: purple ☆ fav drink: coffee or arnold palmers or pickle vodka

Go fuck yourself! Ask me how.

I love Saturdays

there is something about tattoos peaking out of a dress shirt that makes my brain short circuit 😵‍💫

Got my tax refund and I’m being a good girl and paying ahead on bills and putting the rest in savings. And it sucks and I hate it but you can either ACT broke or BE broke, I guess 😓