If you still feel jealous despite having done a ton of research about polyamory, the reason is simple: there's a world of difference between intellectualising and internalising. Your brain might have understood something, but your body hasn't yet. Let me explain...

so having a boyfriend is allegedly “embarrassing” now, but what about two? if they kiss, does it cancel out?

I have a theory that if you are a polyamorous person who grew up with siblings, how you respond to your partner's other partners is directly linked to how you were treated by your parents compared to your other siblings growing up.

If you’re new to non-monogamy, here are 20 polyamorous reminders to start your year right ✨ let me know which one resonates with you the most…

Your polyamorous life doesn’t have to be sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time to be valid or rewarding. You get to decide what is worth it to you 💛☀️

In light of the head of Instagram, Adam Mosseri, posting yesterday that in 2026 "authenticity is becoming infinitely reproducible", this is a friendly reminder that this is an anti-AI account 🤖🚫 and just to be clear: I have NEVER and will NEVER use generative Al to create my content.

Shoutout to all the people who have decided to try non-monogamy for the first time in 2026 💕

Normalise politely rejecting your dates rather than ghosting them, giving mixed messages, or saying you’re not ready for a relationship when that isn’t the truth. It’s ok to say “I didn’t feel a spark but I wish you the best”. Your dates will appreciate your honesty and respect for them.

you’d think that non-monogamous dating would be better considering that most non-monogamous folks have at least ONE person who thinks they’re halfway decent enough to be in a relationship with, but nooooooo 🤣

In the Heated Rivalry finale, a scene between Shane and his mum made me loudly sob into my partner’s arms for a good 5 minutes afterwards. Like Shane, I am an autistic queer Asian, and it brought up so much grief around my coming out to family and how I wish it had gone. I love this show so much ❤️🏳️‍🌈

If we can agree that it's problematic to demand a new partner date an existing one and you'll break up if it doesn't work out because you want to be in a throuple and can't handle dating separately, then it follows that it's also problematic to demand they be friends because you want kitchen table.

Your feelings of jealousy don't have to mean your partner needs to immediately stop what they are doing. Your insecurity about a metamour doesn't have to mean they're a terrible person you need to cut out of your life.

Gift ideas for polyamorous people: - harness or rope (for sex or rock climbing) - a book about relationship psychology - a diary for their schedule - a medieval outfit for their next renfaire/sex party - a bag for overnight dates - D&D dice - anything with an infinity heart on it

Polyamory doesn’t mean you have to be okay with everything, nor does it mean you have to ‘work on’ being okay with everything. Being flexible can be a good thing, but that doesn’t mean your boundaries and limits are ‘wrong’ or don’t matter.

I love being a polyamorous bisexual dating other polyamorous bisexuals. That is all.

never beating the slutty polyamorous bisexual allegations and you know what? i'm okay with that.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but polyamory doesn't mean you have to settle for less time/energy/commitment. Your partner having other partners isn't a reason to sacrifice what you need to feel loved/valued. You deserve to have your needs met by people who are willing and able to meet them ❤️

Friendship isn’t a consolation prize to be offered out of politeness or guilt at the end of a romantic relationship. It’s a whole different type of connection, and going from lovers to friends only works if all parties are committed to the transition and taking responsibility for their feelings.

I'm doing a giveaway for new joiners to my Patreon! Join a paid tier before November 30th, and be in with a chance to win a copy of Lola Phoenix's new book, 'Supporting Someone Polyamorous'! www.patreon.com/posts/win-fr...

Psst - anything can be platonic if you want it to be. The boundaries of what is sexual/romantic/platonic are a LOT more blurred than we have been taught they are. Free yourself from amatonormativity and mononormativity!

Being “good at polyamory” is not about never feeling insecure/jealous or never making a mistake. It’s about communicating with your partners, being vulnerable, working through feelings, taking accountability, and learning from your experiences.

Let's talk about feeling NEEDED vs feeling WANTED in polyamory, and how being wanted, as opposed to just needed, by your partner creates more security in the relationship.

I'm polyamorous so that my polycule can dress up as the entire cast of 'The Mummy' for Halloween.

Not all couple privilege needs to be (or can be!) dismantled, because we live in a mononormative society where monogamy is presented as the "correct", "ethical", or expected way to participate in intimate partnership.

Your partner is responsible for managing their own feelings of New Relationship Energy, and if they are deprioritising or neglecting you in the process of chasing after someone new, their lack of care and impulse control is not your fault.

I’ve tried kitchen table polyamory. I’ve tried parallel polyamory. I highly recommend letting your connections form organically and letting your partners decide how close they want to be with each other (including not at all!) instead of enforcing a specific polycule dynamic.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but your partner experiencing jealousy/insecurity over the things that you're doing is NOT the same as them saying they want you to stop, that they don't love/accept you, that they're trying to attack/hurt/shame you, or that they're "not really polyamorous".

Are you actually “bad at polyamory”, or are you struggling to be patient with yourself while learning a lifetime of mononormative thinking, and experiencing a normal amount of distress for all the changes that you’re going through at the same time? 🤔

My top 5 red flags 🚩 in polyamorous relationships… 🧵

If you are a more experienced polyamorous person dating a newbie, your responsibility is to give them the space to figure stuff out and try things at a reasonable pace, instead of imposing your own desires/standards/expectations onto them.

One of the most common questions I get from polyamorous clients is, “Can you be too traumatised for polyamory?” The short answer: it’s up to you. The long answer… 🧵

monogamous people: I could never do polyamory because I don’t want to deal with jealousy… anyway, the other day my partner said “sorry, I have a partner” instead of “no, I have a partner” to someone who tried to ask them out, and I got insecure because that’s MICROCHEATING

A follower asked me recently, "Under what circumstances would you tell someone that non-monogamy just isn't for them?" My answer: I would never tell someone directly that non-monogamy isn't for them, unless they were already considering it themselves. Let me explain why 🧵

Missed my live event, ‘Polyamory for People Pleasers’? You can now purchase the workshop recording: www.patreon.com/posts/137255... If you are a ticket holder, check your email - I sent the recording of the workshop immediately after it happened!

If you find yourself thinking, “How am I not okay with this yet???” in your first year of trying out non-monogamy for the first time, my top advice is to just be patient with yourself.

Breakups in polyamory are super wild because you feel like you've "failed" on multiple levels. Mononormativity tells us breakups=failure as it is, but the extra layer of fuckery is that now you feel like all the people who doubted you and told you polyamory never works were proven right.

A Black South African commenter on my Facebook post from the 6th of August stated that DL prey on “those who are eager to show ideological allegiance to marginalised people but without much familiarity with the nuances” - and I completely agree and wanted to expand on that.

Kat Blaque, a Black trans polyamorous kinky leftist creator I have deeply respected for years, has joined the chat with her thoughts on Decolonizing Love. youtu.be/PKX7dKEOvu4?...

I got this comment yesterday and wanted to say this: while polyamory education is my full time job, and I've gotten some wonderful recognition and accolades for it, I am NOT more of an "authority" on polyamory than anyone else.

We don't talk enough about the fact that you can align with polyamorous values and enjoy the idea of polyamory, maybe even identify as polyamorous in your heart... and still practice monogamy. Here are some reasons why 🧵

Non-monogamous relationships, like any other relationships, are nuanced. What works for one person may not work for another, and different people can make the same agreement with completely different motivations, which may lead to different results.

If you grew up thinking that your feelings were "too much", that your purpose was to serve others at your own expense, or that asserting yourself would mean facing punishment and dangerous consequences, of course you would struggle with being firm in your non-monogamous desires.

If you’re doing non-monogamy for the first time, it means you are: 1. Trying something new 2. Adjusting to a big change 3. Unlearning mononormativity in a world that tells you that’s bad and wrong. If you’re struggling, that is NORMAL. What you’re doing is HARD.

Polyamory becomes so much easier when you realise and accept that it’s okay to feel bad when difficult things are happening, but experiencing discomfort doesn’t always mean you have to do something about it.

Friendly reminder that it’s okay to want more time with your partner or to ask for regular dates, and being polyamorous doesn’t change that 🕰️

Finally. youtu.be/FgO4DyzXXl8?...

At Wilderness Festival today speaking about Relationship Anarchy 💞

“You’re allowed to make mistakes in polyamory, as long as you learn from the experience” and “People who don’t unpack their mononormative beliefs before attempting polyamory have a high risk of causing harm to multiple people” are two statements that can co-exist.

Friendly reminder that not every casual connection needs to escalate to a romantic one to be meaningful. Sometimes, friends with benefits can STAY friends with benefits long-term, because that's the most compatible dynamic for the people involved. If everyone's happy, nothing needs to change!