Here are the signs that show you may 🚩 lack emotional awareness 🚩 in non-monogamy - and how to fix it 🧵

I had a foursome two nights ago - and last night I found a ring that wasn't mine under my bed. So I texted the three people going "is this your ring?" Reader, the ring did not belong to any of them. So now I need to text at least 6 other people!

If you are polyamorous and looking for long-term connection: learn to be disciplined with your time and energy management, or risk disappointing multiple people at once.

me when I see a straight monogamous vanilla person on Feeld:

As a former semi-successful fanfiction writer: if you’re not writing fanfiction purely for the love of the game, kindly get the fuck off fanfiction sites. Monetising fanfiction is ILLEGAL loser behaviour. Same goes for anyone who “writes” AI fanfiction. Grifters need to fucking stop.

Just because you're struggling IN polyamory, it doesn't mean you're struggling WITH polyamory. You're allowed to find something challenging without it having to mean anything about who you are or what you want.

I want all the “I want two boyfriends who also kiss each other” girlies to know that polyamorous bisexual men exist and you can absolutely make that a reality right now, but you'd better make sure to unpack your internalised biphobia and mononormativity before you attempt ANY of that 💁🏻‍♀️

When you're experiencing challenging emotions in polyamory, here are some phrases you can use to defuse the tension and stay in connection, rather than escalating into further conflict:

If your first reaction to your friend telling you that they're struggling in their polyamorous relationship is “maybe you should just go back to monogamy”, you're being a terrible friend. I said what I said.

I actually disagree with the advice that you should "go at the pace of the slowest person" when you're opening up a monogamous relationship, because hot take: I think that is an approach that panders to mononormativity.

"How do I stop feeling jealous?" is the wrong question to ask. When we feel uncomfortable, it's natural to want the feeling to stop, but this can easily slide into suppressing the emotions, which usually leads to them coming back with even more intensity later on. To avoid this, try these instead:

cold take but to me, the entire point of being an influencer is to a) authentically connect with your audience and b) be creative, so if you’re using generative AI to make your content for you, then you are doing neither of those things and are in it purely for the profit 🤷🏻‍♀️

The best thing you can do for your non-monogamous journey is learn not to take things personally - especially when it comes to what your partner is doing with other people.

Mono-poly relationships are rare, but they can and do work - and, as with any relationship, it highly depends on the people involved. Here are the 5 traits that I see in functional relationships between a monogamous person and a polyamorous person that set them up for long-term happiness:

I've started a new series about KINK on my Patreon, where every month, I talk about one of my many sexual fantasies: what they are, what makes them hot, where they might come from, and how I turn fantasy into reality with my partners. Here's a preview: www.patreon.com/posts/nsfw-i...

You can’t say you want to be polyamorous and then flake on dates whenever you feel like it, have zero consideration for your partners’ feelings and needs, get defensive when they try to communicate with you, and bail as soon as things start to feel inconvenient or uncomfortable. I said what I said 🤷🏻‍♀️

a real text that my 17-year-old non-monogamous ass sent in 2016 to my partner:

We all need to get better at recognising and boycotting AI generated content and content “creators” because if I see yet another bunch of short sentences like “No A. No B. Everything is C” followed by “it’s not X, it’s Y” with a bunch of em dashes and generic language I am going to fucking scream.

This is WILD - I just found screenshots of my first ever dating app profile from 2016 while looking for photos to post for a throwback! I made this in October, so I had turned 18 three months before (😱), and I was in my first non-monogamous relationship of 8 months. Would you have swiped right? 🤣

Dan and Phil reacting to Heated Rivalry was my crossover of the century. I am living in the best timeline. My year has been made.

Mononormativity taught us that your partner having other partners is a "one up" on you, that you're the "weak" one being "taken advantage of", "cucked", and perceived as "losing" to them.

7 questions to ask yourself if you're looking to transition to a non-sexual, but still romantic, relationship with a partner:

If you still feel jealous despite having done a ton of research about polyamory, the reason is simple: there's a world of difference between intellectualising and internalising. Your brain might have understood something, but your body hasn't yet. Let me explain...

so having a boyfriend is allegedly “embarrassing” now, but what about two? if they kiss, does it cancel out?

I have a theory that if you are a polyamorous person who grew up with siblings, how you respond to your partner's other partners is directly linked to how you were treated by your parents compared to your other siblings growing up.

If you’re new to non-monogamy, here are 20 polyamorous reminders to start your year right ✨ let me know which one resonates with you the most…

Your polyamorous life doesn’t have to be sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time to be valid or rewarding. You get to decide what is worth it to you 💛☀️

In light of the head of Instagram, Adam Mosseri, posting yesterday that in 2026 "authenticity is becoming infinitely reproducible", this is a friendly reminder that this is an anti-AI account 🤖🚫 and just to be clear: I have NEVER and will NEVER use generative Al to create my content.

Shoutout to all the people who have decided to try non-monogamy for the first time in 2026 💕

Normalise politely rejecting your dates rather than ghosting them, giving mixed messages, or saying you’re not ready for a relationship when that isn’t the truth. It’s ok to say “I didn’t feel a spark but I wish you the best”. Your dates will appreciate your honesty and respect for them.

you’d think that non-monogamous dating would be better considering that most non-monogamous folks have at least ONE person who thinks they’re halfway decent enough to be in a relationship with, but nooooooo 🤣

In the Heated Rivalry finale, a scene between Shane and his mum made me loudly sob into my partner’s arms for a good 5 minutes afterwards. Like Shane, I am an autistic queer Asian, and it brought up so much grief around my coming out to family and how I wish it had gone. I love this show so much ❤️🏳️‍🌈

If we can agree that it's problematic to demand a new partner date an existing one and you'll break up if it doesn't work out because you want to be in a throuple and can't handle dating separately, then it follows that it's also problematic to demand they be friends because you want kitchen table.

Your feelings of jealousy don't have to mean your partner needs to immediately stop what they are doing. Your insecurity about a metamour doesn't have to mean they're a terrible person you need to cut out of your life.

Gift ideas for polyamorous people: - harness or rope (for sex or rock climbing) - a book about relationship psychology - a diary for their schedule - a medieval outfit for their next renfaire/sex party - a bag for overnight dates - D&D dice - anything with an infinity heart on it

Polyamory doesn’t mean you have to be okay with everything, nor does it mean you have to ‘work on’ being okay with everything. Being flexible can be a good thing, but that doesn’t mean your boundaries and limits are ‘wrong’ or don’t matter.

I love being a polyamorous bisexual dating other polyamorous bisexuals. That is all.

never beating the slutty polyamorous bisexual allegations and you know what? i'm okay with that.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but polyamory doesn't mean you have to settle for less time/energy/commitment. Your partner having other partners isn't a reason to sacrifice what you need to feel loved/valued. You deserve to have your needs met by people who are willing and able to meet them ❤️

Friendship isn’t a consolation prize to be offered out of politeness or guilt at the end of a romantic relationship. It’s a whole different type of connection, and going from lovers to friends only works if all parties are committed to the transition and taking responsibility for their feelings.

I'm doing a giveaway for new joiners to my Patreon! Join a paid tier before November 30th, and be in with a chance to win a copy of Lola Phoenix's new book, 'Supporting Someone Polyamorous'! www.patreon.com/posts/win-fr...

Psst - anything can be platonic if you want it to be. The boundaries of what is sexual/romantic/platonic are a LOT more blurred than we have been taught they are. Free yourself from amatonormativity and mononormativity!

Being “good at polyamory” is not about never feeling insecure/jealous or never making a mistake. It’s about communicating with your partners, being vulnerable, working through feelings, taking accountability, and learning from your experiences.

Let's talk about feeling NEEDED vs feeling WANTED in polyamory, and how being wanted, as opposed to just needed, by your partner creates more security in the relationship.

I'm polyamorous so that my polycule can dress up as the entire cast of 'The Mummy' for Halloween.

Not all couple privilege needs to be (or can be!) dismantled, because we live in a mononormative society where monogamy is presented as the "correct", "ethical", or expected way to participate in intimate partnership.

Your partner is responsible for managing their own feelings of New Relationship Energy, and if they are deprioritising or neglecting you in the process of chasing after someone new, their lack of care and impulse control is not your fault.

I’ve tried kitchen table polyamory. I’ve tried parallel polyamory. I highly recommend letting your connections form organically and letting your partners decide how close they want to be with each other (including not at all!) instead of enforcing a specific polycule dynamic.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but your partner experiencing jealousy/insecurity over the things that you're doing is NOT the same as them saying they want you to stop, that they don't love/accept you, that they're trying to attack/hurt/shame you, or that they're "not really polyamorous".