If I try to post something here that had more than enough characters elsewhere and suddenly bluesky has me breaking it up into a million different parts I just don’t even bother. Come find me on Threads.

Lift with your pussy, not your back

My life as a goose according to me… Wake up already mad Scream at the sun for no reason Eat half a hot dog out of a parking lot puddle Chase a jogger Terrorize some golfers Take a shit directly in the path of a family trying to enjoy nature Honk in the face of a child Steal an entire sandwich

A friend that knows how to request a video chat from me.

Too realistic for meta apparently. 🙄 I draw more than just doodles. Yes mine. 💋

Let me get a taste of your peach doughnut 🍑🍩

Does anyone have the 4-1-1 on today’s date?

Find your “what the fuck are you talking about?” Pacers girlfriend energy and make the day your bitch.

you think they all look at eachother and say nice in unison when it's 69 seconds until they land

they should replace two factor authentication with a troll that asks you three riddles

why did Melania say this at her press conference?

It would be so funny if aliens came out of it.

HEY EVERYOOONE 👇👇 I GOT THE JOB OFFER!!!

Chelly Goose 35 from New Hampshire 🌲 Bisexual poly married mom Sagittarius sun Capricorn moon Taurus rising for anyone who likes that sort of thing. Adults only here. No minors. I post some NSFW content from time to time along with whatever else is living in my head that day.🔞

They're lying!

Nationwide Strike Friday, January 30th No work. No school. No shopping. www.nationalshutdown.org

New flannel 👀

2026 Plans: - Be more crime - Do more gay

A school bus full of kids and a ballsack full of sperm are basically the same thing. One just made it farther.

Call me old-fashioned but telling me you want the sexiest kids does not make me want to marry you. 😬

I can’t be a goth. I like powdered doughnuts too much.

What do you do for work? Scroll on my phone and wait for 5pm.

I really need to tone it down because every time someone says “did you hear who died?” I get way too excited.

If you’re not mooing with me you’re mooing against me

Not much has changed since I was a kid. I still want my friends to come over and play with me and my new toys.

i’ve heard sleeping through the night is nice…i’d love to try it sometime

“Folks I’m here. Heaven was a disaster before me and everybody knows it. Jesus? Nice guy very weak low energy frankly. The angels are crying folks because I’m making Heaven GREAT again. Pearly gates? They’ll be gold now. Streets of gold? Even golder.”

Happy Friday my little gaggle of beanlings🪿🫘 Go be the sin you wish to see in the world

Mentally hit rock bottom, physically would like to get topped.

Hi can we unpin my safe word from the top of our chat? I can’t take our conversations seriously with “oatmeal” staring at me the entire time.

Pillows have no bones.

I’ve gained more followers on my threads alt account in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 6 months on Bluesky.

all i wanna do is eat everything all the time, never exercise, and be in great shape is that too much to ask

As much as these look and taste like skittles you should NOT devour the entire bag.

Hi sometimes I forget I have a Bluesky but as threads starts to suck more and more these days I’m going to try and bring more of my mooties over here.

We swore we weren’t gonna get another grandma after the last one died, but when we saw this one at the shelter, we just knew we had to have her.

At some point me being hungry becomes a you problem

Whenever I take my ADHD meds Me to me: “Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?”

When I say “take me out” I mean in the permanent sense.

I made it 3 miles before I threw up

I got winded putting on my sports bra so this bike ride is off to a great start.

If I ever get kidnapped or go missing the forensic team won’t even have to try. My habits got me coughing so hard I’m leaving DNA evidence like a damn breadcrumb trail. You’re welcome CSI.

I want a dog poop Roomba for outside

Thank you for prescribing me this drug I’ve totally never tried in my teens or twenties recreationally. 👀 I sure hope it works. 🤷‍♀️

Mansplaining something to me while being completely wrong about it is such an interesting choice.

Sick of scheduling doctor’s appointments. I just want to make tattoo and piercing appointments.

Boomers out here worried about “the government tracking them” while I can read their entire Facebook argument in 48 point font from three rows back in the doctor’s waiting room.

When did I become so old that even on nights I’m not tired, don’t have plans, and someone asks me to hang out on a random Tuesday… my first thought is on a school night?!

“Drive like your kid lives here” Me: 🖕

Thinking of putting a sign at the end of my driveway that says “Fresh Local Meat, Eggs & Milk” and then it’s just me sitting in a lawn chair like 🤠