(excitedly) hustle bones are coming out of my mouth!

Sun in an Empty Room - 1963 https://botfrens.com/collections/173/contents/40480

now that the holidays are over i can finally celebrate Pervert Boy Winter in peace

damn :( Mike F was so awesome, extremely funny and extremely talented. one of the first people on twitter that rly opened my eyes to the unique style of humor that once made that platform fun. gonna share some of my favorites posts from him in this thread as I come across them

I hate when I have to wrest sovereignty away from the selfsame lord to whom i once swore fealty 😑

finally conditioned my instagram algo to give me the only content i desire, in the exact correct ratio

Merry christmas bluesky 🎄 fun Christmas fact: as an only child, Jesus Christ didn't have any sibs. but his mom had SIBS (sudden infant birth syndrome) . hope that gave you a nice holiday chuckle #MyGiftToYou

Please enjoy my Christmas standard this holiday season!

i could easily win the lottery, i just choose not to #ItsMyChoice

I ate a whole box of bottlecaps candies and now my mouth feels like glass chalk and I spoiled my dumb little bitch appetite

my visual art from 2025

went to youtube and got jumpscared by this as the first video in my recommended

Me: I have the kind of raw intelligence that makes everything in life a breeze. No big deal. Me when I see a headline that’s like, “Judge stays motion to overturn blocked ban”: Only one person could ever possibly understand what this means. I’ll give you a hint. His first name was Albert

i'm at the game awards still but i'm no longer presenting the award for Best Microtransactions, they cancelled my appearance because I ate a huge bowl of lucky charms during the pre-show and they said it made me "too hyper"

I’m at the game awards pre-party and they’re letting me hang out with all the characters from my favorite intellectual properties

Every year I look forward to the Time Magazine Person Of The Year. As a smart human being who knows a lot about what matters on Earth, Time Magazine’s selection of their lauded “Person Of The Year” title is incredibly important to me. I am scared to make phone calls. I believe that dogs should vote.

me after driving for longer than one (1) minute

if you disagree with me about literally anything then you're a hater and you don't know ball

I think I am going to become a professional basketball player for the National Basketball Association. I'm going to become what many will consider "the goat" of the sport, in due time, because of my unrivaled skill, discipline, and perseverance. I will be balling out on a regular basis

Life Hack: you can disconnect your smoke alarms from the ceiling and remove the battery to make it stop that annoying chirping sound from ever happening again

for some reason I decided to watch that movie No Hard Feelings with jennifer lawrence where she gets paid by some rich parents to fuck their nerdy son. it was just ok

optional????

3 giggling teenage girls just took a photo of me in the parking lot as I was walking into a grocery store. do you think they thought I was: a.) a murderer stalking them in the night? b.) poor and deserving of mockery? c.) sexy marfanoid Bradford Cox of acclaimed 2000s art rock group Deerhunter?

🚨 NEW MIXTAPE DROPS TONIGHT! 🚨 'Why I Took Your Advice: A Tribute to Grandaddy' 14 songs we know by heart by one of our all time favorite bands. Listening party in the Discord 12am EST!

I am inventing something called Jokerpedia. it’s like wikipedia but for the Joker

"Teach a man to eat and he'll shit for a lifetime..." - excerpt from 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘌𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘋𝘪𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 by T.A. Honors (2025)

wrong game numbnuts . what kind of fucking dumbass

I dreamt I posted on here "If you swallow too much air you'll float away" and while I'm pleasantly surprised by how coherent that is considering it came from a dream, it unfortunately is not really all that funny nor particularly clever or interesting. sorry everyone. guess I'll go fuck myself

the only thing I hate about thanksgiving is the food, the weather, the general interruption of my life by eating dinner at 2:00pm, having to leave my house multiple times, tv commercials, insufferable traditions like the parade and dog show, endless small talk, and no escape because nothing's open

Kat is so goated www.youtube.com/watch?v=jo54...

ummm so who called it sex addiction and not bingecrotching?!? 😂 wow this blew up! ok guys my pitbull mauled my neighbor’s newborn and I need help with legal fees again, gofundme link is in bio

making spaghetti. it’s dinner time in America

Money absolutely *can* buy happiness. It doesn’t mean it *will* but it definitely can, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. That’s just some bullshit idea rich people made up to keep poor people poor. same with “integrity”

I've never had a pap smear but I know exactly how it feels because I'm an empath 😌

when I eat an everything bagel I scrape a lot of the little seeds off the top first. also do this with the peanut crumbles on top of ice cream Drumsticks.. "That's Just The Kind Of Guy He Is" people say

Myth-Busting Boar Taint on The Pig Site dot com

this pork suchs..

damn I made carnitas tonight and it smelled super weird, like burnt tuna or something. so I googled the issue and learned about something called "boar taint." so that sucks that I know about that now

you can slice up a banana and then put a piece between two vanilla wafers with some marshmallow creme in there and you can call those “lil nanners.” thats just something you can do

playlist I made of what i feel are “perfect” pop songs. if you don’t Like it or Save it then i’m going to hurt nyself.. open.spotify.com/playlist/2c6...

they should call veterinarians "dogtors." or they could call rescue shelters "the used dog store." idk. I haven't eaten anything today yet

man this has got to be one of the all-time ugliest looking discographies

when people tell me they love autumn, this is what i see in my head and also in real life

I love to do things and to say things that I regret immediately. BUT! if i didn’t do or say them then no one would :)

don't take your SSRI. start 4 different video games. ignore your family's calls. draft a resignation letter with chatGPT. give that girl online $400. shoplift a tombstone pizza. kiII yourself

in many ways, they should open a Cinnabon, inside my apartment..