I almost missed my one year anniversary of having this bozo in my house 💕

Im aggressively mistletoe flavored today does anyone wanna kiss underneath me

So how many people from Brockhampton do you think were good boys this year

Very rough and unpracticed drumming again, but I’m getting better!!

On the fandom wiki for women and I’m scrolling straight to the “powers and abilities” section

In the second part of my constructed realities essay duology, I finally sit down to talk about Angela Orosco from Silent Hill 2, the worlds abusers create for the abused, what she represents to me, and why I think she's such a powerful character

watching house with da girlies :3

The first guy who ever sucked dick was probably just like “Aghuguhgghfh”

I desperately need to kiss someone rn

I will put out a reward for whoever can find that video of that bald YouTuber guy walking up and being “hey man, can I fuck your butt man? Can I please fuck your butt? Please let me fuck your butt”

I have inhaled 3 roast beef sandwiches at work today and I am SO god damn horny about it

Shoutouts to my girl gender, I love that lady

Hello chatroom

Lesbians... kissing me... petting me... and kissign me

My value is humongous

Puppy kennel stuff has gotta get weird at some point because like, what if I get bored. Do I just sit down and start sending you Instagram reels while you’re at work or what

Car Seat Headrest is actually pretty good when you have a furry bitch in your ear telling you drugs are scary and I wanna go home

this picture of myself in a dress that I kinda ducked out of wearing is killing me. Like I cannot believe I fucking LOOK like this oh my GOD

They’ve got me in the trenches working 60 hours a week on this “white boy” tier list

With increasing moral ambiguity and wokeness in the modern day, its become a herculean task for Santa to know which of the children of the world are actually evil. That's why this year, the North Pole is partnering together with Raytheon technologies,

I’m a horny farmer, I separate the wheat from the chaste

The mercury singularity is happening

🎶Baby, it’s problematic outside🎶

does anybody wanna come over. this will be on the tv turned up real loud

Putt-Putt golf is just really really smal golf to me, man

The HOA on Endor be like “put more sticks on your walls. Your house needs to be higher up in this tree”

Ok!

One of the most insane news stories of the year that everyone just kinda forgot about was all that shit that happened at Monsters Inc. Literally nobody talks about it despite the fact that it happened like 6 months ago and our entire society runs on laugh energy now

I’m an active member of the girl tummy proletariat

Getting my hrt from a planned parenthood in Ravenholm and MAN people sure do like to protest out here

SOMEONE HELP HIM, PLEASE

I bet jerking off in a bacta tank goes so crazy

Putting my dick in a French tuck for the funeral

THE BEATING OFF JOKER: its too late batman! im beating off! BATMAN: no! stop this at once!!! THE BEATING OFF JOKER: [beating off] AH HA HA HA HA HA HA

my tweets this morning are painting the portrait of a very strange character. don't talk to me until i've had my coffee, or something like that. for the record i DO go outside and i kiss hundreds of pretty women every day. i still kick over park trash cans though, it's my vice

Every character in Hades is a he/him lesbian except for Achilles, he’s just gay

Is a woman not entitled to the sweat from you specifically, please, like just right off of you, I can lick it if I need to

Made a tier list based on which Skyrim follower would be the best acid trip sitter

Thinking about this pic of me at my brother’s wedding from like 2019

The secret to life is printing out the lyric sheet to girls just wanna have fun, eating it, and praying once a day in the direction of wherever the hell Cyndi Lauper is

matching with your ex on tinder while shes laying in your bed >>>>

stop it stop it stop it i fucking KNOW the giant ape is glowing brighter and inching closer to the forefront of my mind when i think about him i fucking KNOW THAT i just wanna dick around and think about apes even though theres a 67% increased chance i lose all sense of identity after each thought

Honey, I shrunk the penis

Since fern is positing post and pre transition timeline pics again

Pikmin 4 being kinda mid was definitely a future recession indicator

getting my pussy rotated at vulvaline

daily illustration day 5

Spent hours picking the coolest outfit because I have to go see Apollo from animal crossing today and I wanted to make a good impression

Thinking about this picture of me again today

I can’t sleep