Why does the hamster only wake up early on Taskmaster days? Most nights this week he's been asleep until 10pm, but no: Thursday evening and I'm getting tiny judgemental eyes across the room for ignoring him.

🥰 Yay! So, so excited about this show.

This may have been the way in, but I'm glad I started watching: Riot Women is very good. I love how there's minimal introductions: all the characters are just there, ready, as soon as you meet them - it's damn fine writing.

When I was 10 my Dad read '1984' to me, and there was something about the horror of an object in your room which could listen to you, control your thoughts, control your opinions, ensure compliance, that really stuck with me. Colleague: ... So you *don't* have an Alexa?

"Your TV remote now kicks you in the balls. You didn't ask for this, and there's no way to turn it off. This technology is the future."

can you hear the drums jumanji

Ok, the gym is playing You're The Best (Around) and - embarrassingly - I am SO praise-focused that it genuinely helped me get a pb on leg presses. 🫣

please, I beg you, Zombie is not a Halloween song

Have Sharleen Spiteri, Sue Perkins and Tamsin Greig ever been seen in the same room? And if not, could this be arranged?

Specsavers just texted, they're excited to see me for my appointment. They just can't wait! Absolutely GAGGING to stare in my retinas, the bloody perverts.

There she* goes, There she goes again, Racing through my brain *driving slightly too quickly over a small humpback bridge

I cannot tell you how much I love my friends.

This photo is called - "No, don't sit like that, it looks like I've got a hamster for a penis."

Writing is difficult and fun and agonising and fantastic. I've never gone from "I'm a genius" to "I'm the stupidest person who ever lived" quite as quickly as when evaluating my own creative work. I love it.

ok, omg, I don't care what this is I'm watching it fuck FUCK

Weirdly furious shopping delivery guy arrived at my door 45 minutes early. - I hadn't answered my phone! (because I was busy, having planned work meetings around the agreed delivery time) - I took ages to answer the door! (because I was busy, h- etc.) - He couldn't find my house! (..skill issue?)

This guy just rested his entire bodyweight on me while eating a snack. 🐹

youtube.com/shorts/tO-Zf... Oh *my god*. #Taskmaster

I was without internet for TWO hours. #PrayForHare www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Misread 'railway tycoons' as 'railway raccoons' and saw a brief glimpse of a better world.

Oh, the fingers chat stayed in. 😅

normal, normal, normal, WHAT THE FUCK

Me at 10pm: this writing is great. I am the best writer. Me at 7am: ARE THESE EVEN WORDS

I have only marginally more sports knowledge than my Spouse, which is why I got to explain to him who "the tall guy in the Persil adverts" is.

Every time I read about crypto, I cry, and then turn over.

Tell you what, a weekly writing deadline is going to do wonders for my house. I've already mopped the floor and I'm eyeing up the bathroom.

et le Premier Officier, Martin du Creff

Noble beast. 🐹

I know I'm not going to win this one. I know NTs make up the vast majority of human experience, and generally they love fireworks. I guess they don't experience the noise & light as physical pain. (Fair enough!) But even with that, WHY make a colossally loud noise in a built up residential area?

HORRIFYING moment when you express an opinion in a group chat to absolute silence. 30 minutes so far. Am I the world's wrongest person, or is everyone else asleep? Cannot tell.

Dreamt I was wandering bookshops and getting little kisses from handsome folks.

Colleagues very sweet, supportive, and totally unclear on how comedy works. Open mic ➡️ ??? ➡️ Live at the Apollo

Before moving to Scotland I bought a lovely cobalt blue exercise jacket. Yesterday someone spat at me in the street. Could have been a coincidence - perhaps they just liked spitting at strange women - but I am now considering a jacket that makes it looks less like I love the British monarchy.

Garage charged me £900 for car repairs and then sent me a customer satisfaction survey. 🫠

Evening. 🐹

Currently in the "I'm stupid, I can't write and everyone hates me" stage of writing, so Taskmaster will be a DELIGHTFUL distraction.

Cannot wait to get my tiny raccoon hands on this stuff.

Good lord, I have never been so careful to make sure I am not accidentally plagiarising jokes. 📝

Today's is a dubstep version of I Wanna Dance With Somebody. Come back Black Sabbath, all is forgiven. 😭

Just won the Nobel Prize for emoji use: 🔕

*blinks* A lot has happened in UK politics this morning.

Witham. And, from Spouse's region, Leominster.

Due to staff shortages, wizards are developing bad backs.

All friendships of the last 25+ years.

Ah, rewatch time for Hare. I've got to say, I love our new logo.

"Light as the moon’s path over the sea the run of the hare over the land" Anna Crowe from 'A Calendar of Hares' 🎨 'Running of the Hare' Robert Gillmor #BookWormSat @asls.org.uk

Five good things: 1. Spent the evening writing 2. Went to the gym 3. Texted Dad 4. Solved a work problem 5. Am currently watching a hamster investigate the exact same four boxes he plays with every day 💜🐹

Big Naturals with David Attenborough

#grief One of those days where I'm a little sad that I can't update my mum with everything I've done over the last 2.5 years.

Chris, is this what happened to you?