Thanks Dumbfuck Donnie

Many are saying this

It is the year 2026 and you are still hitting reply-all on mass emails Scientists need to study your brain

Everything looks like a conspiracy when you’re too fucking dumb to understand how anything works

Paid like $17 for two pounds of meat. Does anybody know if there’s some kind of insane Nazi idiot I can vote for to register my displeasure

Where does everyone shit in the Lord of the Rings? You never see a bathroom. They’ve got 100,000 orcs on the Pelennor Fields and not a port-a-potty in sight

If you poured all of Smaug’s gold into Lake Town and the surrounding area, inflation would spiral of control and collapse the whole region’s economy

What's your favorite movie from each decade of your life? 70s - The Jerk 80s - The Princess Bride 90s - Fargo 00s - No Country For Old Men 10s - Fury Road 20s - Godzilla Minus One

I hate leadoff home runs. Get some guys on base. If your best home run hitter is batting first I think you’re dumb We don’t have to go full ‘80s with cleanup hitters but at least put one guy with a good OBP in front of your bopper

The Democrats should make an ad with footage of the J6 riots and a voiceover that says “Donald Trump pardoned all the Jan. 6 rioters, then tried to give them $800,000 each in reparations — even though 1 in 15 have been charged with new crimes since their pardon.” Play it nonstop for 2 years

Horrible, imagine living under a government that tries to alter the official history to erase things they find inconvenient

Someday the sun will swell up and engulf the first three planets, and all the photos stored on my phone will be lost

Kind of a bummer that if you fly an American flag now you’re basically advertising that you’re a fascist

Meanwhile Trump has been having one continuous stroke for the past 2 years

Oh perfect, I’ve been thinking of exchanging my buffalo for a newer model

Instead of needing a fresh one-time code every time you log in to stuff, what if each person created a unique, reusable alphanumeric code they could enter each time? A “pass word” of sorts I will now sit back and wait for my check from the good folks of Silicon Valley

Adjectives that seem like they should describe vacuum cleaners but actually don’t: Vacuous Succulent

They got Milli Vanilli AND Vanilla Ice?? Incredible lineup

Finally watched Sinners. Those vampires actually made some good points

I recently read that hardly any other countries have spelling bees because their languages are logical and spelling stuff isn’t such a big deal

They should be called bakies, not cookies

(a new object is placed in my enclosure) damn new object just dropped (I glance disparagingly over at yesterday's object) lol y'all still thinking about this huh

Advertising jingles used to be so ubiquitous. Now, almost no one has them. Except, for some reason, every single insurance company

Get a load of this fuckwit

Fish are SO numerous

What this country really needs is a holiday about the Troops

People who have bearded dragons call them “beardies” but I think “beardos” would be way better

Today’s Twins lineup may be as bad as the 1996-era teams with Matt Walbeck, Scott Stahoviak, Rich Becker, Todd Walker and Ron Coomer. Honestly look at this shit

Yes I do, it was Temujin. You’re talking to a middle-aged dad here

Saw a woman walking around downtown smoking a pipe

Stephen Root

Got kicked out of the Navy Seals for splashing the other guys in the pool

please do not teach the goats italian

Little bit tone deaf here, McDonalds

Having the accounting people physically in the office is sure to make shoppers like cereal more

I would pay a thousand dollars to watch Trump try to wrap up a vacuum cleaner cord

If the Beatles happened today nobody would like them. “They’re just ripping off the Monkees,” people would say

Forgot my wallet was in the pocket and destroyed it in the laundry. I had that thing for 20 years. Now I’m in the market for a new one. Have there been any major advances in wallet technology in the last 2 decades

Imagine being “catturd.” Imagine your claim to fame being that you’re one of the biggest dumbfucks alive, and also you are called “catturd”

“Battery low, consider plugging in your computer.” Yeah thanks for that, I’ll put some thought into it, really weigh the pros and cons, maybe consult my life coach or legal counsel

PabloReports: What do you make of Trump saying that he doesn’t think about Americans’ financial situation? Rep. McGovern: Is anybody surprised? I’ve been saying all along that Trump doesn’t give a shit about the people of this country.

its just bizarre to me to say that bluesky is a siloed off bubble detached from real debate when everyone over here hates the president with a 30% approval and everyone over there thinks things are going so well that we have entered a 1000 year conservative reign

She’s a killer, queeeeeeen Nas nye the fudajee

A freakin Maddux for Ober!

I have constructed a very simple and badly formatted flowchart so that liberals can understand the position of leftists on the Democratic party

Remember when advertising actually tried to describe what was good about the product? Seems so quaint now

He’s a real nowhere man Shitting in his nowhere pants