Guess who’s getting back in the pool today?!?!

Seeing the college football playoff field has validated my decision to stop watching college football unless FSU plays

“Oh there are only 18 empty overhead bins, better make everyone gate check their bags” -every airline

LFG GUNNERS

Not the dispensary getting into genetic purity

I really hope time DOES cast a spell on you

*Paul Simon voice* Hello diva, my old friend.

She’s resigning on J5. What comes after J5?

We only rate dogs. This is spaghetti con salsiccia. Obviously has the noodles and the sausage, but is notably missing sauce. Please only send dogs. Thank you… 13/10 (IG: futrinka_tacsko)

Look at it

Trying not to have an absolute meltdown today

Can you bring poppers on an airplane?

👁️👁️ 👄 : ::::::: ¥—:::::::::—¥ ::::::: :::: :: : :…. :…….. the dna strand from Jurassic park if she slayed

I’m so close to a work/career crash out

Story time: I’m in Orlando for a conference, and this time I took the train so I didn’t have to drive. I guess somewhere checking into the train, I lost my lighter. And then somewhere after checking into my hotel, I lost my vape.

Daughter of Robin Williams, Zelda Williams 💔

As soon as I give this presentation I’m rewarding myself with a trip to the dispensary and Sunday funday

I am in a foul mood today

I really need to do ecstasy on a dark club full of sweaty half naked men soon

Hello everyone, I did almost an entire swim workout on my own. Please clap

Since we can’t have them in Florida anymore

I like Jimmy Kimmel. I really do. I have no issues with him. I'm talking about something very different. Kimmel was only suspended. But he's back now. Karen Attiah and all the other Black journalists are still fired. Y'all do know how to fight, when you want to. But you don't really want to. 🤷🏿‍♂️

I only have Facebook for work purposes, but someone just poked me

What fucking country can I move to where I can go and contribute to their positive ways of life?

Alien Earth is fucking me so good

H-word

Im a silly goose

Anna Wintour right now

Dolphins gonna move on from Tua or what?

👇🏽 🎯

This explains it better than I can

I wish Lee had come home for one more, but I bet a chunk that Nole fans feelings on herbie meant “no”

Getting violently high before a massage 🤤🤤🤤

Your english teacher and your gym teacher are getting married

I want to be such a curmudgeon about the engagement but I just don’t have the energy to be a curmudgeon to that many people

Born to be a personality hire, forced to be valued contributor

Canadian Carly Rae Jepsen saw the US suffering under Trump, released a new song under the “e•mo•tion” album and said:

Cum gutters incoming

Sit tight it may happen sooner than you think

I crack myself up

Went to the turkish bath house today and wow, what’s an experience

Why did I think Dean Cain was Howard Dean?

Hi everyone, this is my bicep, he’s new so be nice

I love this idea that the people making filming decisions wished, deep down inside, they didn't get to frame the shot a particular way, and technology is now making up for that failing

I always thought elementally, I was a water, but I am most certainly air

Hero

I think Claude Von Stroke changed my life

This is a medium shirt, I am officially smolboi