Receiving too many kind words today. Somebody punch me in the face!!!

Thank you to all the gays who did my homework. We got an A!

Trying to plan a little road trip with a small group of queers like “okay so we’ll need a pound of coke and 15 wigs”

Look at Ryan being all talented and such

One of my design clients is looking for somebody to do some coding work. She’s great! If any of you are looking for a little side gig, I can pass the info along.

Forgot I’m sitting for a figure drawing workshop tomorrow and just ate the most bloat-inducing dinner possible. And my skin is dry.

I’m actually very attached, I’m just also aloof

Downloading PDFs for two hours instead of doing any actual writing

I’m bored. One of you should call me (248) 434-5508

In 22 days, 1996 will have been 50 years ago. Let that sink in.

Would any of you queers be interested in being interviewed via email (or DMs) for an essay I’m writing?

Btw pissing and shitting are both feminine, and if you’re a man who does so, you’re gay.

There’s a gay boy at this grocery store. I can’t see him, but I can hear him.

Cumdinger

In case you all were wondering why I’m going out into the desert all the time

Gay perverts abound (positive)

Looks like my EX WIFE

Kind of want to block my former boss’s number just because

Am I horny? No. Do I want to sit on it? Yes.

I’m like a pet in the sense that I’m constantly sighing for no apparent reason.

Me chatting up yet another Madonna stan in the sauna

It’s Trans Remembrance Day! 🏳️‍⚧️🫶🏻 If you don’t stand with and support the trans community get the fuck outta here!

Just heard a teen girl of all people say “what’s Wicked?”

Me as a catholic priest in the Middle Ages: yeah so god said all us boys should live together in a big house and live off the land and we need to wear loose robes with NOTHING underneath just our cocks hanging in the breeze and no girls allowed!!!

Was just confronted by reality in such a major way (looked at a clock)

Me after I realize I accidentally left my husband’s wallet in his pocket when I buried him

Cuffing season got me like

Malcolm X had this really great speech about ballots

I have drawers of cords to long-dead iPods that are more useful than “centrist” Democrats

What other obscenities can I post today?

If I keep crushing on guys with gigantic dongs, I’m gonna end up looking like the kennecott copper mine

Hot guy posted a cum shot vid. Hashtag grateful 4 gravy.

Is god real? No. Am I real? Also no.

Next semester, I’m turning all my students into gay nontheist quakers.

All out of peanuts

Okay so beta blockers might be the right move for me

oomf said I look like I’m on the moon and I’m stealing that concept for this caption

Me at Thanksgiving when I eat aunt katy’s (famously bad cook) casserole

Clouds blocking my view of the beaver moon 😒 how’s my puss supposed to commune with the cosmos now?

Hitting the brakes by saying to him “this is so us 😊” and then playing this song music.apple.com/us/album/my-...

Accidentally closed the app while in middle of reading a bad take. The universe is protecting me.

Wait… so Cheney plugged his ass with a wine bottle which trapped in his body a fart so big that it exploded out of him like a xenomorph? That’s how he died?

If you can remove the sword from the stone, you can stick it in

It’s sooo cool that the world is filled with sweet people who I get to spend time with. I just love it!

Me looking at all your gay whore costumes

Hiking is a perfectly innocent activity for all to enjoy

Here’s a horror short I made for an undergrad project with a $0 budget. youtu.be/ZEDyeYlkb9Q?...

Baked a squash but I have no plan beyond that. Do I deserve to live?

About to shave my ass. Sorry to all the gay perverts who disapprove.