Me at the bar listening to a dear elder queer’s take on Rebel Heart

Was just informed that I am - contrary to popular belief - a very bad boy.

This is not where I got it btw. Sorry, sweet teas.

Me ordering dicks

I will not be posting a picture of this cake on a platform where you can zoom in on images. It’s ugly. BUT 🤚 it does taste good.

Don’t act like you’ve never boiled a pomelo at 6:00am before

Love language? Babe, I can barely speak English.

my third (woah) album 'you will become morbid if you're not careful' is up for pre-order today with a new song called 'hollow' only available on band camp this week. for the entire month of february i will be donating all proceeds to the Portland Immigrant Rights Coalition.

I fucking love mail

Have y’all heard of trash?

Would anyone like to join me on the 14th for a decadent and garlic-heavy dinner?

Lost my beanie

I’ll marry whoever meets me at the airport. But only if they’re hot and I’m in a good mood after my flight.

Getting boyfriends is easy. Just be pure of heart and hot as fuck.

If the world were verifiably ending in a week, companies would jack up their prices so they could make record profits one last time.

The way this soft boiled egg exploded when I dropped it. Should’ve been him.

ICE is the terrorist force the American government has always dreamed of creating. Abolishing ICE is just the first step.

lunga by Lilllie West and Baths is a perfect song.

One thing about wrestling singlets and such items is that they don’t make sense on me. You put me in one and it’s like… riiiiight.

How heavily should your cocks play into my decision about where to go for my PhD?

The Bone Temple has forced a hard stop on me saying “how’s that”

gay people - tonight! (just show up at the door and it’ll be free!!! wink wink!!!) 🌀🌀🌀

This guy was trying to make small talk about the snow storm like “I don’t think I’m prepared!” Dude, the forecast here is sunny with 0 precipitation. Utah is desperate to be included.

utah politicians when the sky is browned out by pollution for a month straight

I could never love a person who uses febreeze

Maybe the extremely boring soup I made is comforting in a peasant way.

I’m worried none of you jerk off to me

My roommate makes coffee with hot water from the tap and the pods made for keurigs but he does not have a keurig

I’m a little Dieyi coded I think.

Am I questionable enough?

When Choir Boy said “it is my gift not to give but to receive,” I really felt that. Oppositely, I could not relate to their later statement that “nothing penetrates.”

Sometimes I’ll put mascarpone on my bagel instead of cream cheese. Do I deserve to live?

*after eating like 100 horseradish chips* okay who wants head?

Last year, a guy called me a good girl and it truly changed the trajectory of my life.

Does anyone want to hear a secret?

Told somebody I was born in ‘97 and they said “so young! I would’ve thought you were around 30!” and I had to break the news to them.

I’m utilitarian not in the sense that I like things that are practical but in the sense that I myself am a thing that is practical

Y’all need to get back on email. Crazy things are happening over at email.

Forearm, hip, or tramp stamp?

Sy Rogers putting out a technopop album was soooo bananas

Wearing this on my next date

That straggot running for congress in Illinois is so cute. Great teeth!

In the summer, I’m HOT and READY TO GO. In the winter, all my fantasies are about holding hands. And DP.

So imagine a tenga you had to feed and it also frowned often

What are we? (RE: humans in general)

My favorite beauty product? Friendship ❤️

J'adore my wonderful wonderful friends. Above all, I’m grateful for all the time I got to spend with lovely people last year and I’m looking forward to every minute of the same in the new year.

This year, we’re all 6s 😎

I actually had a great year, despite everything. I’ll brag about it!

It kind of feels like they hand out Dark Sky certifications to just about anyplace these days