Thought I was going through a manic phase, but I think I’ve just been in a regular good mood. This is wild.

BREAKING: planet Earth comes out as pansexual

She can’t drive :)

They need to make smaller phones. Give me a 4” screen.

If you were a question, what kind of question would you be? I’d be open-ended. Obviously 🙂‍↕️

You lot whenever I reply to your thirst traps

Does anybody want to marry a poor grad student? We can split after I finish my program.

When I (evil) trap a river spirit in a cage and it begins to deteriorate

Need to hunt down a feeder just so I can save on groceries

Her face when I told her that god is dead and the good sharp cheddar is on sale

AllTrails lists me as a hike and it says I’m easy

Monolingual, bisexual, trifling

Washed my backpack and it’s not disgusting anymore. This is craaaaazy. Who knew that could happen?

I thought this gig was unpaid but they gave me cash and I got to jerk off

Getting any kind of logo tattooed is so nasty. You’re paying to become a billboard.

The rapture did happen, but they just took two dollars from my wallet and left everything else including my shoes and body

What in the world is the sun doing way down there at this hour?

Were you all aware I have legs?

Pretending this protein shake counts as a fun treat

Killing a hydra doesn’t seem that hard.

Do you all agree? Am I reserved nerdy cutiepie?

If you’re in nyc, you should proooobably go to this

My ex says I’m not allowed to go to the state fair alone because he’s afraid I’ll get hate crimed

ACLITS cannot be the common abbreviation for academic literacies. Somebody come up with something else, please.

Sitting ON my couch instead of the floor in front of it for once and it’s kinda nice actuallyyyyy

This is — to ME — Chicago

Utah recently decided to explicitly make it legal for students to open carry loaded firearms on campus without a permit. How do our lawmakers feel about their choice now?

Waiting for Wikipedia to change the “is” to “was” 🥰

wæpenedmann 😳

Cockcetera cockcetera

Just rained, which famously means it’s snail time

Was the guy at the gym who did the blowjob gesture calling me gay or trying to say he wants to do gay?

Abundance = fossil fuels + big tech, let’s be crystal clear.

Keep thinking I need to say something nice and earnest on here, but the only thing I can think to write is “a FaceApp filter that lets you see what it’d look like if you were uncut”

Just bought coffee I didn’t want. Can somebody explain my behavior to me?

Jane is like krak for gay guys

Crack

Made a weird lunch. I’m JUST trying to survive.

Me after I complete an activity

My glutes are so sore after today’s hike. I almost wish my ass didn’t exist.

I should have done a better job of cultivating an audience of desperate sickos who’d give me $50 in exchange for a close up of my thigh.

My body is similar to those you’ve seen before. Skin, various parts, etc.

I’ve convinced HUNDREDS of people that I have information

So I really have to work for the rest of my life?

Got a buzzcut (communist)

I’ve taken to describing myself as a sciolist

I get second-hand embarrassment when Outlook asks me if I’m enjoying it. Like… of course I’m not, dumb ass!

My students as soon as they heard me talk

Was recently made aware that I’m not spooky