i am not too embarrassed to tell a kid if I didn't understand a phrase they used, I explain that I am way older than they think I am and they go "oh sorry" sincerely and explain it for me

Let’s be honest: in many of these winter Olympic “sports”, the snow is doing most of the work. An unexpected thaw would expose these so-called athletes for the frauds they are

Goddamn I have never had a tik tok hit so close to home

Whoop Whoop

i was a "its a poor workman who blames his tools" guy for a long time until i got a job where my primary tool is shipping company software

fucked up to think about how aerosmith had their own ride at disneyworld

the sexual sparrow

this sucks so bad dude

ok this is libbed the fuck out but imma say it anyway: whenever someone tells you that socialism is impossible, remember that ice is just a jobs program for school shooters and the money is never going to run out

falling asleep at my desk. got up to pee and my dick was like 1/3 hard, spraying erratically, fitfully. rough day back to work

they should put surgeon generals warnings on soda like they do with cigarettes. it should be a rare indulgence

Harvard professor Robert Trivers tried to get Jeffrey Epstein in touch with Norman Finkelstein. Instead of accepting, Norman sent a reply calling Alan Dershowitz a pedophile rapist and saying Trivers should be ashamed for defending them, and both should be strangled instead

Bill Nye tried to fuck my mom at a Discovery Zone in 1994. He didn't score but it soured me on science forever and now I'm $600,000 in debt from my PHD in modern art plus terminally Gay

55 grand to tongue-fuck my wife

had a beautiful "two drinks and an edible at a nice dinner party" night last night

our culture is beautiful and worth fighting for

they're gonna go with, "well look, so many people are in the epstein files that basically no one who matters isn't, so we're gonna make it legal to marry 14 years old at a federal level," and we're a step closer to being run by The Taliban

i am happy to fight for freedom with the libertarians but also, we don’t really need to *talk*

Irrefutable proof that no matter how moderate you are, Republicans are going to call you a communist. No sense running away from popular positions to avoid this smear because it’s inevitable

the best thing Darren Aronofsky ever did was remake his own movie about a depressed middle aged man who allowed his passions to destroy his body and isolate himself from his family, but in the remake the man destroys himself with treats instead of risky pro wrestling moves

office called in a plumber to tighten up some sweaty/leaky fixtures and I don't want to go in and lay brick while he's working. but my body is telling me its Time and I fear I'll have to drive to the gas station or Chik Fil A or something

Looking tough and heroic by being afraid to show my face next to a teenage boy in shackles. I am defending western civilization

Kamen Rider Agito (2001) Episode 25

Dudes Rock

This would fix like 80% of dudes. Show up somewhere, help out, act normal, become normal. Its genuinely simple

I love waking up early to dig out my car and drive through a blizzard to get to the office and do nothing because no other place we do business with is open

saw a few cars that slid off the road, plus one flipped completely over. awful to think about but objectively kind of cool

car chases in old movies rocked so hard, they'd block off like 9 neighborhoods and just destroy 40 cars, a better world

so cold im wearing a shirt to bed

Can you believe ICE is doing this (shows you a video of them arresting a baby) yeah well can you belive the libs are doing THIS (shows you a video of a drag queen being annoying in a bar and grille in Chicago)

alcohol rules, a "lite" poison

the most realistic aspect of The Sopranos is theres a fat guy who loses a bunch of weight and then ceaselessly lectures other people about diet and nutrition even though he's still a very fat guy

the Finnish government made a gif for kalsarikännit and it’s the best explanation for how Finns always top the global happiness survey

if i ever win the mega millions i'm buying the art museum so I can play with all the swords and polearms in the armor court

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

betcha Elton John got all kinds of famous pussy he didn't even want

Pick up the nearest book. Turn to page 42 and post the second sentence. Dogbreath kept on playing without him

If I dropped a sandwich onto a fresh hot pile of dog shit, yeah, of course I'd cut my losses and get a new sandwich. But a single chip, on the ground, inside, for a few moments? If that kills me then I wasn't long for this world anyhow

your train has arrived

Super Rescue Solbrain (1991) Episode 20

if you're unconnected and/or unskilled your job options are app servant bullshit or armed agent of the state

Dont know what the gimmick is here but I choose to believe that our ancestors are choosing to deprive of us of our culture due to how we misused it

Even Progressive is using AI in ads, a company whose whole brand is buoyed by marketing, we're cooked

How else do you articulate "Tatantino's movies suck so bad but they're so good"

I think Newsom's whole strategy is to go on right leaning media to seed that entire ecosystem with him nodding and agreeing with right-wing figures, so come election time, they all view him as reasonable, then when they vote they do not vote for him and continue to dismiss him as a demonrat

Its going to suck horribly, but the next three years are also going to be extremely funny as what little filter Trump had slowly trickles out as his Brandonization intensifies

I worked with a bunch of Mormon missionaries in Kirtland for a couple years and they all seemed like nice kids, but I now believe sincerely that it is a cult and they should be shunned as heretics

Anthropic: Best for coding applications Gemini: Best for summarizing meetings and taking notes Grok: Best for harassing women and sexualizing children ChatGPT: Best for assisted suicide