DON’T TALK TO ME UNLESS HE’S DEAD

Currently planning a paper towel heist

Had an interesting realization about my need to make my home spotless during my two hour vacuum marathon on the weekend

Nostradumbass

Get ready for the Con meltdowns

The Art of the Last Laboured Gasp That’s the art I’m looking forward to

“What to do if your identity is stolen” Ha, good riddance

If they don’t have the pussy fortitude to tell him their shoes don’t fit then what makes anyone think they’ll do something as radical as the 25th?

Of all the things they don’t want you to know they don’t want you to know what the popcorn setting on the microwave is actually for the most

Digital Weekend at Bernie’s or just unhinged ramblings of the inevitable descent?

One of my students told me if she graduates she’s gonna get my name as knuckle tats. Thanks, I think

Accidentally called a student named Hellen “Hell” for short today, and then quickly quipped “If it helps, the only Hell I believe in is you”. Instructor of the year, no doubt

To go blind and not get a slutty little librarian pair of glasses out of the deal is some real bullshit

Ashton or McPherson were both better options imo

Yay, I get to switch eye drops from the one that causes fatigue, low blood pressure, excessive thirst and constipation to the one that gives you pretty eyelashes

Someone was seeking out “faith based pole dancing classes” and I just thought it’s pretty disrespectful to refer to a crucifix as a pole

THE GEESE ARE BACK THE GEESE ARE BACK THE GEESE ARE BACK THE GEESE

Good thing the Edmonton police chief went over there to learn about this top tier policing

Someone should do a good prophecy

There should be cognitive achievement tests for voting purposes

I’ve only seen Sinners and fell asleep during One Battle After Another so I can’t comment on the others but of the two Sinners was definitely better

They’re beta testing air taxis in New York City, what could go wrong?

Instead of putting the night to bed I got it all riled up, sugar, movies, toys, whatever it wanted. Now they tell me the night gets in trouble at school. I just wasn't ready.

They should call it a Manosphere Dickumentary

Just had a mad craving for arugula

Maybe if we all shave our Trumps? It worked for Bush

I’d like to know whose eye I plucked in a past life.

I don’t owe you my teeth, bitch

Find out what happened when we replaced Gwen Stefani with an ear of corn

You reveal more about yourself in asking that question than I could ever reveal by answering it. Starbucks employee: [silently writes “Yew” on cup]

If Trump dies and I’m already dead, dig me up

Jesus Weptstein

Having one less Sunday hour is my dream, I am actually living the dream today

No worries, I always say, but secretly I do be worrying still.

I Smell Cat Pee Somewhere - a memoir

i used to feel embarrassed being the “crazy lady” people brought orphaned and injured animals to now i feel honored turns out being known as a safe place, a healer, is a pretty beautiful reputation

1am parenting: still up talking with my 16 year old about Sasquatch and farts. If a teenager wants to talk you cancel everything and cherish every moment

Happy birthday to all the women today but ESPECIALLY to @frickinferal.bsky.social 🎂

The Alberta separatist clowns are so fucking clueless. Yeah guys, nothing screams oppression and struggle like a mid winter beach vacation to Mexico.

They used to recommend weight beating exercise for middle aged and older women and now it’s like IF YOU DON’T LIFT THE HEAVIEST WEIGHTS YOU’VE EVER SEEN 10 DAYS A WEEK YOU WILL DIE AT 48

Does anybody think this system is working? That it’s sustainable, even a decade into the future? That it’s the best we can do and all we deserve? Does anyone truly believe that THIS is the best of all possible worlds? That there’s no feasible alternative to this 24-hour global abattoir?

Kuwait: Oopsie

I miss my murder

Elliotte Friedman’s comment about dating paraphrased “the more someone says no the more attractive they get”. Wonder how many restraining orders dude has managed to pick up

It’s pretty clear to me which country actually needs to be bombed to improve things on this spinning rock. But, who am I to say, ya know?

Is it mean to Lady Elaine Fairchilde to say Laura Loomer looks like her now?

If you ever wondered what would happen if one of those sickos Chris Hansen busted in the mid 2000’s would do if they had the worlds most powerful military, You’re looking at it.

The measure of love isn’t always whether we can keep someone alive, sometimes it’s whether we can make sure they aren’t alone and don’t suffer.

If you’re ok there’s something majorly fucking wrong with you That’s what I’m saying

You know she’s spiralling when she posts a lot She is me