If you're not convinced about the evil intent of the government accounts and the wisdom of blocking them early, let me help with that:

The ease of being a father compared to a mother is exponentially increased by regularly getting praise from strangers for doing basic parent shit.

The British Empire committed unspeakable horrors and genocide to get their hands on spices now their descendants are so racist they think mayonnaise is too spicy.

Inadvertently coughed while I was blowing my nose, and I feel like my entire throat tried to violently exit my face. Why would our bodies allow those two things to happen at the same time? What an awful feeling.

I'm not a big fan of being on the same side as MTG on... anything. Ever. But thank you, I've been saying this for weeks. Rs have been willing to kill every other norm to steam roll Ds. The only reason they aren't on this is because they don't have the votes within their own caucus.

If it were actually that "transformational" it would presumably be able to sell itself without needing to be constantly hawked by tech bros desperate for you to take the guided tour and to stop testing its limitations which make it immediately obvious what snake oil it is.

Jeanine Pirro becoming the Washington Generals of prosecutors.

Would it be wrong to make a batch of brownie batter with no intention of cooking any of it? 🤔

Sometimes I see a docket call tomorrow and panic because I have no clue who that is. Then I look them up and realize I haven't been working their case because it resolved months ago, and I just sucked at taking hearings off my calendar. And that's why calendaring too far in advance is no good 😂

“A clarinet player was arrested after playing her instrument to the tune of the ‘Ghostbusters’ theme song outside of a Portland ICE facility…”

ICE arrested comedian Robby Roadsteamer for singing a parody of Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” in a Jeffrey Epstein the Giraffe costume outside their facility. He sings “If you hate brown people / and you are a Nazi” and ICE thugs grab him and drag him into detention. No violence—just speech.

Found a roach in my center console last night (where I keep all my gloves that I can now never use again), and I am still semi-seriously considering selling the car. I don't know how it ever recovers from this.

I'm pretty sure if the average Trader Joe's shopper wanted smuckers they wouldn't be a Trader Joe's shopper 😆

Sometimes homework gets left to the 11th hour, and suddenly a Sunday night Wal Mart trip is required. Which is frustrating. But the girl knows how to get properly excited for middle of the night crafting supplies, which is fun to see 😍.

> It is 2025 BC. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis > It is 2025 AD. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis

Trump will just have to keep murdering fishermen until you stupid jerks give him the peace prize

Chocolate chip and strawberry cream cheese. If it has to hold me over for a little while and I'm ok being a bit disappointed, bacon, eggs, and cheese on cinamon raisin. I didn't want a NYC political office anyway 😆

Political prosecutions are bad, obviously. This is all bad, obviously. Bbbbuuuutttt.... (and not that I think corruption in chief gives a shit about this), why are so many politicians on both sides so fucking wealthy?

Don't be fooled. This guy is Solomon Pena. He's from Albuquerque, and he was arrested because he solicited murder-for-hire for several Democratic leaders. He was angry because he's a maga loser and he lost an election. apnews.com/article/new-...

Amazing 😆 storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

Post-fiesta nap ran a little long. No time to sit and eat before my afternoon hearing. Red chile breakfast burrito to eat on the drive. Happy I had a clean red shirt to wear 🤣

Totally how science works

I can't wrap my head around how bonkers this is. Here's a man who has posted Neo-Nazi memes with extensive ties to white supremacist groups, telling the President about the dangers of Antifa by connecting its modern incarnation with the anti-Nazi movement in 1930s Germany, like it's a bad thing.

Kids are home today, which means they are being treated to my writing process on tough issues. Which mostly involves me angrily pacing around and arguing with myself (quietly in my head to my mind... I know not so quiet or in my head in reality). They're playing out back now 😂

MAGA tomorrow: why are the democrats against tariffs? Why do they hate funding WIC?

Moon cooperating perfectly with this morning's done show

At the Constitutional Convention: "Okay, we've just gotten through a war of independence waged by a king who sent his army after us and we had no ability to contest the legality of that. First things first, everyone agrees there will be no review of how the president uses our army, right?"

The night of the long knives is coming.

Skipping right past all the other bullshit, can I ask a grammar question real quick? Because I feel like any reasonable reading of this is him telling ICE, border patrol, etc., that THEY will be arrested if they burn flags.

Chief Judge David Barron of the First Circuit Court of Appeals on birthright citizenship — “[T]he length of our analysis should not be mistaken for a sign that the fundamental question that these cases raise about the scope of birthright citizenship is a difficult one. It is not . . .”

Love MAGA arguing that the shutdown is causing layoffs and chaos, as if we haven't all been watching them do that all year anyway. When the killer executes a hostage every 15 minutes whether you meet their demands or not, you should eventually stop believing that negotiating with them is worth it.

Guillermo may have the best job. The late night sidekick is kinda a weird role. I'm not saying I find him the funniest (though he is pretty great) or the most talented. But NOBODY looks like they're having more fun just existing than Guillermo when he's on camera. I'm jealous, lol.

we got the NFL in the national divorce and they're real mad about it and I didn't even want the NFL because I am a tackle football hater* for life who would literally outlaw it for children under the age of 18 if i was the archduke of sleds *no worries I would do the same for ballet.

But we have no money to do anything productive with government, apparently.

Today's random thought: if I lived in Istanbul, Panama, or some similar place, I would tell people I'm "leaving the continent" so often that even the 12/31 "see you next year"ers would be annoyed with me 🤣

Driving 60 in a 50 on a 1 lane each way road with a double yellow centerline. I was just (illegaly) passed by a garbage truck that looks like it'd rather be going about 80. If you've ever wondered what it's like to drive in NM 🤣

The woman behind me in traffic is absolutely screaming at her car's screen. I can't hear any of what she's saying, but I can see enough of her face to know whoever is on the other end of that phone call hath fucked up severely.

A) Every word of this, yes. B) I'm still going to laugh at the romanticization of grand juries. As anyone who has actually worked in criminal law knows, they're effectively a rubber stamp for even the barest minimum competent prosecutor. This admin just can't even clear that bar.

Impressive how one political party can control the White House, the House, the Senate, and the Supreme Court, but not bear responsibility for whether the federal government functions. Neat trick.

New bench slap just dropped. They are coming at a truly astonishing rate. storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

Would 💯 support a bid by @aoc.bsky.social against @schumer.senate.gov Art by @mluckovich.bsky.social

At event in DC, Sen. Chris Van Hollen keeps it going with Hakeem Jeffries over not endorsing @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social: if you can’t back the kind of campaign he ran, “don’t ask those young people to show up for other Democrats across the country — that’s the message that will be sent.”