Well I'm convinced! I am ready to invade Iraq.

No Kings in Utqiaġvik (Barrow) Alaska!

bawitdaba da bang da bang baffled baffled

I'm going on the record to reveal that the past president he spoke to is President John Barron.

The description of the economy of whatever alternate reality his brain is in is just standard stuff for him, so that's out of the running, but the front-runner in the FIFA Freakishly Weird Statements Prize is still in question: * "... the stoppage of 8 wars with a 9th to come" * "I've been rated"

I sill be so disappointed if he's not full of rocks

I say take him at his word. His father was born in Germany, and his mother in Scotland. Given that his father was, till now, thought by the public to have been born in the USA, it's clear that some sort of shenanigans happened. ICE needs to raid the White House.

Currently trending on X.

I mean... all else equal, I feel pretty strongly that a Surgeon General who eats shrooms off of toilet seats would be preferable to a Secretary of Health and Human Services who snorts coke off of them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lol/weep

Prime opportunity for Jesus to play the market!

Look everyone, for now no one in the Trump administration will be held accountable, no one will be investigated for their corruption or their treason, no one will stop their stealing and their taking of bribes. The only way this stops is a massive Democratic victory in 2026. That's it.

(1/5)

lol@thread (tl/dr: lawyer uses AI for filings; they are nonsense; judge demands explanation; lawyer uses AI for that too) My favorite bit: "The Court recognizes the mathematical truism that 14 out of 60 is less than one-quarter, but the fundamental point remains that it is 14 fake cases too many."

Really nuts how many men were like "Me Too went too far, and I need to email Jeffrey Epstein about it."

"We got a thousand points of light / For the homeless man / We got a kinder, gentler machine gun hand"

I guess "Democracy Dies in Darkness" was a threat

Don't worry, I'm sure some economic supergenius like Kevin Hasset will explain how we can change the 4% of Trump's tariffs that other nations are shouldering to 100% by raising the tariffs to 25 times their current level

Huh, I never knew that Donald Trump was an "illegal Somali"

Well, that settles that!

I'm Kat Abughazaleh and I approve this message.

I wrote this song on Saturday, recorded it yesterday and released it to you today in response to the state terror being visited on the city of Minneapolis. It’s dedicated to the people of Minneapolis, our innocent immigrant neighbors and in memory of Alex Pretti and Renee Good. Stay free

respect my authoritah

oh, but I can

ugh why is everybody calling my masked armed death squads who kidnap kindergartners the gestapo

gift link www.nytimes.com/interactive/...

I can't be the only one #nytxw

kinda wondering what the odds are that trump will refer to the fifa peace prize as the nobel peace prize

As far as I know, neither President Macron nor his wife have executed upon and paid for *MY* assassination. But just in case, out of an abundance of braggadacio and a lack of wisdom, I will say VENEZ VOUS BATTRE, FRANGIN

today I learned that one or both of somebody named nuzzi and somebody named something like lizza had sex with somebody, that possibly being somebody else besides the other one, and possibly, I dunno, rudy and/or andrew giuliani and/or maybe the guy who hiked the appalachian trail some years back

I don't know about the rest of you, but negotiating on my own against a gigantic megacorp that's laser-focused on taking as much money from me as they can while providing me with as little service as they can is definitely gonna make ME happy! ... or maybe some other adjective, I guess

@durbin.senate.gov is actually *bragging* that not only did he get Thune to promise a vote that will fail in the Senate or not get a vote in the House or fail in the House or be vetoed, but also that he got Thune to *assure* him that he'll keep that promise? cc @booker.senate.gov @kim.senate.gov

@cortezmasto.senate.gov @durbin.senate.gov @fetterman.senate.gov @hassan.senate.gov @kaine.senate.gov @rosen.senate.gov @shaheen.senate.gov Can one of you feckless jerks could please tell Senator King, who doesn't seem to have a Bluesky account, that he too is a feckless jerk? Thank you!

@booker.senate.gov @kim.senate.gov We get a promise of a vote? Which will surely fail? And even if it doesn't, it won't be followed up by a House vote anyway? And even if it is, the House will just reject it? Please kick these feckless jackasses out of their leadership positions. Thank you.

@rebeccabennettforcongress.com I just received an email from your campaign. I did not sign up for your list. To make matters worse, the email seemingly contains no unsubscribe link. You're a D, so I wish you well. But this shit of getting added to every D's list without asking is REALLY OFFPUTTING.

i really resent the continued assertion that there’s so much anger on both sides, as if the causes of the anger are equally legitimate. we’re angry because masked maniacs are violently snatching our family and neighbors off the street, and they’re angry because we’re calling them out for it.

In the Book of Revelations Jesus appears in the sky and opens his holy bowels to shit on America

ATTENTION CITIZENS! Have you obtained your mandatory "I ❤️ CHARLIE KIRK" facial tattoo? You have one (1) week to comply with this celebration of Free Speech or else you will be renditioned to one of President Trump's Platinum Level Resort and Reeducation Camps

The assassination of Charlie Kirk makes we worry we can no longer have peaceful discussions of whether gays should be stoned to death or civil and collegial debates about whether black people are inherently inferior. Our culture will suffer. New York Times tomorrow

What an exhausting time to be able to read

Am I getting this right that MAGA's argument is now that President Trump is kindly sparing me from learning about Bill Clinton?

In fairness, it has to be Holy Gatorade

I don't really know anything about this, but I hope it's not an indication of which half of their motto New Hampshire is choosing with respect to brain worms

Can't help but wonder if 1D is factually true anymore, and if so, for how long #NYTXW 2025/08/13

Poor Andrew Jackson didn't even get any bling upgrade :(

that is indeed a chart

I encourage them to go for it!