I have a joke about yachts, but it goes a little overboard.

sometimes you need some Ted’s Montana Grill and some old friend time with @lennycrabfists.bsky.social

I haven’t been this excited about leftovers in a long time.

Got up to 60 today, so it’s rib time.

Falling asleep to baseball on tv is a top tier napping vibe

I’m not crying, you’re crying. Shut up.

I don’t have to be on another airplane until 3/25, and there aren’t words to describe how happy I am about it.

This is certainly a circuitous way home

This mfer.

First time out of the hotel since I got here; y’all know where I’m going

Chicago weather, you’re drunk.

Chicago got spicy earlier.

I would complain about not being able to go outside all day, but from the looks of things, I’m not missing much.

Which celebrity death hurt you the most (Tbc, I don’t normally mourn celebrity deaths; I don’t know them personally—but this one? Gah.)

This article has been living rent-free in my head all day. I don’t know how you *don’t* know your future spouse is a Disney Adult before you marry them. Seems like it would be something that would be obvious…? Maybe I’m wrong; i often am. apple.news/AxFe9Pl7QQUS...

Yeah, I ordered a martini at a Pan-Latin establishment. Sue me.

Got there, just took an extra try.

Love getting halfway through a 50-minute flight just to turn around and head right back where we started

Rules, etc

Chicago weather, thy name is whiplash

I did it again, per the birthday boy’s request

My 7-yr old goddaughter charmed me into doing this, and I’m oh so grateful for my husband for snapping a picture. Really.

Parenting milestone: send the kid and his friend to the giant arcade early for his birthday party while we sit next door drinking coffee like civilized people.

I blinked and 14 years somehow flew by. Happy birthday, kiddo. ♥️

Spring Break confirmed for Islamorada, after a few fits and starts with planning. Post your favorite restaurants, activities, etc (we already have a sunset cruise, snorkeling trip, and fishing charter in the works).

y'all can come at me if you want, but I believe that Ryan Murphy is a lazy storyteller with *some* glimmers of talent

Cheaper than therapy and better than punching someone.

If I start a conversation with “I’m a little confused about…” you should just put on a helmet and pray.

Time to turn on my southern accent and be a bitch, y’all put on your seatbelts

Today: Elizabeth Holmes, without all of the wire fraud convictions

Home, and conflicted at the sight of my country’s flag in our nation’s capital.

To the guy next to me at the SkyClub bar watching Fox News on his phone: I hope you spill your beer on your pants.

Happy Friday from Loki.

This sweet girl really wanted to get in bed with me

Emergency situation: dog has not received treats in at least 7 minutes

I had a dream last night that I was back in the house we had when we first got married, and it was eroding under floodwater. I think my stress is catching up with me.

Not the patient.

It’s only 9:04 am and I already have a strong sense of how this day is going to go

Redeemed* *not the same bartender(s)

I might get rolled for this, but this is the one thing that Outback does well. Their bartenders, at least in Athens — they can make a fucking martini. I won’t touch their steaks, but I should have gone there, ordered a blooming onion and a martini and called it a damn night.

At a different spot tonight. Ordered Hendricks martini w a twist. It comes out with olives and a lime wedge. Me: oh, it doesn’t need both? It can just have the olives. Her, proudly: I put fresh lime juice in it too! Me: … Her: I can remake it! Me: oh, thank you so much! Olives are fine.

This is so fun to watch.

New (country) frat boy next to me at bar: “I want you to adopt me so you can tell me what to do all the time”

A frat guy just walked out of the bar flawlessly rapping the opening lyrics to WAP Happy Saturday in Athens, Georgia

Close enough.

I’d like to be alone in the corner of a dark bar. No conversation, just a cold martini handed to me silently Fries would be nice, too

This guy is very ready for his master to be discharged.

Serious question When ordering a “martini with a twist,” is there ever a situation where it should come out with lime twist? I don’t want to be an asshole.

This person has taken an 8 point turn to back out of this parking space. It’s like watching a monkey trying to fuck a football. I am reminding myself that I’m in small-town Deep South and I need to downshift from my city-girl bitch mode, even if I have been up since 4 am.