I just learned that Pikachu is a species and not a character.

There is a guy loudly having a work call at the allergist. Sir, we have all been injected with the things that harm us, give us some peace.

Awake when I shouldn’t be.

Unrelated, but bring back Wendy’s Super Bar

Let us never speak of Graham Platner again.

A Disney cruise, FYI.

Apparently my friend is on a cruise with Marcus Freeman right now. (Not, like, a Notre Dame cruise. That would be insane.)

I told The Kid we’d do something special while he is here this weekend and his immediate response was … “Like Fireworks?” Uh, no?

Been quick picklin’ some stuff.

Chicago people! Thinking we will hit one of the Stephanie Izard spots. I know Girl and the Goat is the original, but what about Little Goat Diner and Duck Duck Goat? Which one’s worth going to?

I need to have these wiped from my memory because no pretzel will ever compare.

Parish demands belly rubs.

DAMMIT GOOGLE I DO NOT LIVE IN ST GEORGE

Y’all my Property Management company “accidentally” sent us a notice that we owed them $800 extra a month and then corrected it but never told us and if this was a strategy to make me feel better about a much smaller rent increase IT DID NOT.

If you read just a few comments on any article about Graham Platner it should become crystal clear why victims don’t come forward earlier. The level of cruelty people direct at victims is gutting

Only sixty days until LSU football kicks off, sniffle

Let us never speak of this match again.

We can’t trust men to do women’s jobs.

YOU'RE LOSING TO WAFFLES

Oh good already preparing for football disappointment and it’s not even August yet

Someone give a Saban tongue lashing at the half

Oh we’re in imaginary time now

How dare y’all get me excited for this weird football only for us to maybe lose

Belgium didn’t even wait for you to make a sick post!

HAVE WE SEEN HIS CHARACTER NOW

Who’s afraid of a bunch of WAFFLES

Apparently he is fine, he got the empty cheese packaging out of the trash and I’m about to order a very expensive trash can that he cannot get in.

I feel like men have a sixth sense of when you want to sit quietly and they walk into the room with a marching band.

My sister is learning sourdough, I’m learning pizza dough. We should move to a small town and open Sister&Sister Dough Factory.

Damn all you people who said making pizza dough was easy for being so damn right.

Gonna try out a new pizza dough for calzones tonight, send prayers.

I’ve seen zero Minion movies. Am I going to regret it if I volunteer to take The Kid? It seems like something I’d hate but also I’d earn one million cool points.

😂😂

I’m watching I Will Find You on Netflix and somehow the book wasn’t stupid enough for them, I cannot wait to see how they’re going to wrap this up.

Did Tree Paine lose her phone or something

I hope Balogun scores 10 touchdowns.

Someone just ate half a stick of butter in one gulp. RIP my floors.

I just went outside and I don’t think they’re going to need a match for the fireworks.

Oh you don’t want to see pictures of Taylor Swift’s wedding? Cool, I don’t want to see pictures of Patriot Front Dudes on the Metro.

Alexa, play So Long London

‘Babe, You Shrunk!’ Says Panicked Travis Kelce To Mini Bride On Wedding Cake https://theonion.com/babe-you-shrunk-says-panicked-travis-kelce-to-mini-bride-on-wedding-cake/

Wonder what time the dress photos are scheduled to go live

I just want one picture of Andy Reid and Sabrina Carpenter on the dance floor.

to sum up

I don’t know how we ended up watching The Lazarus Project movie and I’m confused as to what this is

Made a cherry crisp for my mans, needed a wee bit more cornstarch.

Wait if Andrew Whitworth was at the wedding I’m one degree of separation from it because we were in a small group together in Womens and Gender Studies at LSU. The topic was the role of the wife.

The Let People Enjoy Things crowd makes exceptions, clearly.