Looks like Mitch McConnell is suffering from Rigga-Tortoise...

My god, she's so fucking awesome!

Good guy Jude Bellingham puts his jacket over a child in a wheelchair before a game several years ago: #AGoodPlace Source: www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmil...

It's just past 3AM and I'm thinking about going to Taco Bell. Not because I'm hungry, but because I'm bored and can't sleep...

I bit my tongue and then immediately proceeded to bite my lip. Why do my teeth hate me??? 😢

I am and will always be a part of the Rhythm Nation.

I don’t mind spiders I just don’t want them in my house doing that in front of my kids

Researchers at UCLA and the Barcelona Institute for Global Health projected that the continuing absence of USAID funding will cause 4.5 million child deaths under the age of five by the year 2030 Via The Lancet

My new phone comes with a stylus. So what am I doing with it? I'm drawing penises and texting them to my friends who are at work!

Got a new phone today. Been 4 years, it was time. Spent the last 4.5 hours setting it up so it looks and behaves like my last phone... So why even bother?

Happy Canada Day to all who celebrate! 🇨🇦🍁🇨🇦

Protect women’s sports from whatever this is.

I see you across the street, Amazon... You've been 3 stops away for the past 30 minutes! 😂

Haha! My friends remembered my birthday! 5 weeks late, but hey, they remembered!!! 🎉🎈🎂🤪

I got stuck in the trunk of my car today. I crawled in to find out where the rattling sound was coming from and couldn't get out. Things I've learned from this escapade... 1) I can only fit a 6 foot tall person or shorter in my trunk. 2) I keep embarrassing myself in front of my neighbors...

I was supposed to get a haircut, gas, and my car washed today. Instead, I slept. I'll call that a win.

New photos reveal the damage caused by Trump's White House UFC fight. Shameful. 📸: Reuters Photo/Aaron Schwartz

I dont like what security has done to Taylor's Rhode Island house... Ugly fences that's hard to scale and added security personnel... Really Tay? Like the restraining order wasn't enough...

I could go for a couple of Costco hot dogs right about now...

I once dated a girl who wouldn't eat artichoke hearts because she was a vegetarian. True story...

I ordered this shirt just for the Sarah McLachlan concert next month. Yes, I love Sarah and yes, we make it a point to see her whenever she's in town... Don't judge me!

Holy crap... In the Grey is a great f*ing movie... I highly recommend!!!

The 3 extremely uncomfortable things: 1) Suck dick 2) Kiss ass 3) Take it in the butt... 😞

You're Always So Thoughtful.......

‘Right now, lick it good Suck this pussy just like you should My neck, my back Lick my pussy and my crack’

I totally got tonight's Final Jeopardy question right while the three contestants didn't. I'm officially the smartest person in my own little world!

To be fair, his children are all horrible people and the Knicks are awesome... So, yeah. Easy decision.

The Instacart fairy left me 6 pints of ice cream today. It was dropped off in my driveway. I've never used Instacart and this was obviously a wrong address delivery. I have no idea who the rightful owner is, so I put it in my garage freezer until I figure out what to do with it. Any suggestions? 🤔

Colorado GOP gubernatorial primary candidate Rep. Scott Bottoms has claimed without evidence that there are 50,000 Venezuelan gang members in Colorado alone (10-20x the worldwide estimate) and that rural sheriffs are preparing to deputize Special Forces veterans to fight the gang.

Allow us to set the record straight – AGAIN ⤵️ ✅ Overwhelming medical research and evidence proves that mifepristone is safe and effective. ✅ It has a 25+ year record of being safely used by more than 7.5 million people for abortion and miscarriage care.

If Q-tips aren't supposed to go in your ear, then why are they designed to fit in there??? Yes, I live dangerously and on the edge!

Merge two movies: (here's 3!)

I realized today that when it comes to women, I have low self esteem, not low standards...

Possum politely waiting its turn TT: @lewayne69

I was a heartbeat away from ordering Taylor Swift's Toy Story CD single when I realized, I don't have a CD player... 😢

A vote for Mick is a vote against MAGA! Do your part, America! cont.st/EVKPgo_DXjIO...

A t-bone steak, cheese eggs, and Welch's grape

Suck it, Trump! 🖕😂🖕

This administration can’t even competently put together a concert, but they thought they could win a war?

36 minutes until McDonald's starts serving breakfast!

Are they talking about glasses and contacts?

The defense attorney for a tourist accused of hurling a coconut-sized rock at an endangered Hawaiian monk seal says his client was trying to protect sea turtles and has since been physically assaulted, threatened and doxed.

Holy shit. Nothing is on sale at Kroger and they raised their prices! I may skip grocery shopping this week and live on my reserves til next week...

Ewww. There's a skunk outside my window. I can only hope he doesn't spray...

Good lord, I'm bored... Maybe I'll get a pizza for dinner tonight... I'm not really hungry, just looking for something to do. I'm so bored, I'm actually considering calling an ex to see if they wanna hang out.

Today is World Dracula Day. Post your favorite vampire: Count Chocula

Bluesky. Thanks to you, Mick came in first during Round One. But all those votes are scrapped for Round Two. It's FREE to vote once a day and to send my mother into a parade she doesn't want to go to. PLEASE VOTE MICK. SO MOM LEAVES ME ALONE. cont.st/EVKPgo_DXjIO...

Not sure if any of you are looking for a new television, but if you are, Best Buy has a 65 inch 4K Toshiba for literally half off at $265. This is their Memorial Day special... It's a smart TV with Amazon Fire built in... www.bestbuy.com/product/tosh...

‘Walter the Drama King’ has a complete meltdown when denied a toy lobster. Poor Walter. (Walter the Drama King/Facebook) #DogsofBluesky