Me as a snake: Ohh please let me eat my tail. I love just munching on it. It's like I was born with a little snack built into me. It's just a little meal

Squirt is NOT pee. It's NOT cum either. It's a different third thing. A religious experience, honestly

Time to play "Am I a shell of my former self or am I dehydrated"

ALL BIRDS HAVE TAILS

To those that I browse with: Please keep stealing my data These class action checks Are too slow to come And too small to cover a meal But it's nice to know You think I have worth

One wet burrito please, hold the wet. No I don't want a dry burrito. Make it snappy. Five stars are on the line, buddy

Forgive me, for I am unc Absolve me, for I am chopped Avenge me, for I am cooked

Roomie: Do you ever regret getting a cat? Me: Only between the hours of 5:30 to 8 AM and 11:00PM to 3 AM

Another day in the wife mines. Boss says if we don’t find another vein of single monogamous sweeties soon they’re gonna close us down. Says poly couples where the guy is straight are the future anyway. City boy doesn’t understand. My father, my grandfather, they all dug wife in these tunnels

They will generate a fake world in order to justify tearing down the real one

Patently absurd that the Democrats spent most of last week going after Zohran Mamdani instead of focusing on rallying against the bill

Fucked up that a single burger isn't quite enough to make you full

I loaded this bad boy with enough msg to kill a Caucasian doctor

Circus liquor clown, your so sexy ahaha make that face I like

Listening to happy birthday be like: Man this probably hits so hard if it's your birthday

It's rough, man. I really used to have a passion for the fiddle but idk now. There's something about watching the city burn that's really throwing off my groove

Brilliant things are happening on OfferUp

where does the new york times even find these people

anatomy dog

I need a second season of CABINET OF CURIOSITIES to be announced. It was clearly just getting started, and I want some high-quality ongoing anthology horror shows, please.

I need you to love me the way a true crime girlie loves Ted Bundy

It's a fine day for questioning my life choices

Contrary to the Harlan Ellison story, every cell of my body has a mouth and it's constantly screaming now and forever

Adam Rex, Terror

The Insatiable God, for @hellsculptclub.bsky.social

People who invite that creepy Elf on the Shelf into their home clearly haven’t watched enough horror movies.

you only believe other "planets" in our "solar system exist because you're easily fooled by propaganda. once you understand that the "planets" are just projections projected against the dome around earth keeping your mind small and within the ice wall, you will never go back. awaken you're mind

Having a friend play Mouthwashing while me and four other friends watch and voice each character was one of the best gaming experiences I've had. 10/10 game

I'm screaming now, I'm screaming later, I was screaming 10 minutes ago. I'm an unbroken stream of vocal horror 24/7. Please subscribe

Thread of short films I love and recommend:

Desperately lighting the banorah as the Chikita Banana death squads close in on my location

Computer. Show me the weird posts again. Please computer

Let's set a meeting in order to schedule a meeting in order to schedule a meeting in order to schedule a meeting in order to schedule a meeting in order to schedule a meeting in order to schedule a meeting in order to schedule a meeting in order to schedule a meeting in order to sched

Sexy masses of squirming earthworms searching for hot plots of fertile dirt in your local area

can’t believe heavens gate got cancelled by the woke mob 🤦‍♀️

Ken Burns is the High Priest of The American Spirit and Baseball is its Wicked Spell

Guess I'm returning to the butterfly app

Invest in swords

Hideshi Hino's Theater of Horror

I hope the group chat I don't know about in which I am a main villain is having a nice new year

Love how manual cars have you input the konami code to speed up

The primal urge to be seated at a piano, playing the most lustful-sad slow jazz you've ever heard while chain-smoking and downing glasses of cheap whiskey

It's winter break and I'm already terribly bored

My reddit app crashes whenever I try and comment, and it's been very good for my mental health this morning

Planning to go into a fugue state this winter break. Not a discount wandering through Mexico fugue state, more like a Stephen King finishing Cujo while tumbling through time fugue state

Dudes be like lemme show you my music, man and pull up the agonized screams of the infinitely damned and I'm like this shit wack